Processing Tough News

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

No, OP, it's not strange. You mentioned a concern he would abandon his baby, the way he abandoned you after your diagnosis.

It is even stranger to think I'm OP. I'm not. The douche deserves to suffer. I sympathize with a poor chlid. Not with the dude and his wife. They had coming. As I said before, flame all you want

What a weirdo. The wife? Why? What did she do? And what did he do? Bizarre this is how you view life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

No, OP, it's not strange. You mentioned a concern he would abandon his baby, the way he abandoned you after your diagnosis.

It is even stranger to think I'm OP. I'm not. The douche deserves to suffer. I sympathize with a poor chlid. Not with the dude and his wife. They had coming. As I said before, flame all you want

Why do they deserve to suffer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think he may abandon his child because he didn't want to be tied down by your medical issues in his 20s?

Wow.

Not only that, but OP admitted that her own issues played a big part in the breakup. It's not like he said, "whelp, it was nice knowing you!" the second there was a problem. He didn't just up and abandon her- she played a large part in driving him away. Turning that into "what if he abandons his baby like he did me" years later is illogical and indicative of a self centered attitude.

[Anonymous]

If they're using gofundme or something similar you may be able to make an anonymous donation. Do that and then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

No, OP, it's not strange. You mentioned a concern he would abandon his baby, the way he abandoned you after your diagnosis.

It is even stranger to think I'm OP. I'm not. The douche deserves to suffer. I sympathize with a poor chlid. Not with the dude and his wife. They had coming. As I said before, flame all you want

What a weirdo. The wife? Why? What did she do? And what did he do? Bizarre this is how you view life.

Are you this surprised every time you meet someone who is different from you? Oh boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'll also chime in that you're mostly crying about yourself, OP. Yes, you feel for them, but your intense emotional reaction is a fresh burst of grief over something that happened in the past to you.

His wife clearly does not want you around. This is a tough time for them, and you must stay away. You will only make things harder for them.

Actually the fact that his wife explicitly cut you out of his life tells me you probably acted a little crazy after you broke up. I can assure you she doesn't want your crazy anywhere near her child.

Ha! That very same fact tells me his wife is a controlling shrew, and he's a pussy wipped shell of a man. Go figure.

Do you talk like this in real life?
I am embarrassed for you

[Anonymous]

First of all, OP, HUGS to you.
Hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs.

Of course it's natural that this sort of odd, painful coincidence would bring up some fresh feelings for you--no matter how well you've processed the past up until now. You sound thoughtful and please, for your sake, be open to re-working through whatever you need to process. Life has brought you an opportunity to re-sift through some things, through the lens of several more years' experience and you will be better for it--whether you do this on your own or with a few sessions with a trusted, legitimate therapist.

I don't agree with the negativity of previous posters, but the advice is still the same. For everyone's sake, don't reach out to them right now. You are definitely too raw to be of any real help. You aren't in a position to help them. But even if you were, they are likely in a place that is too raw to accept help from you--the wife was obviously threatened by you or your relationship with her husband and now she's very vulnerable and it's not fair to her to give her something weird to deal with. Additionally, the irony of the situation likely isn't lost on your ex and HE has to be the one to process that for himself. So please don't reach out. Having said that, I don't think there's anything wrong with you donating to an on-line fundraising effort if you want. Don't overthink what just the sight of your name will do to anyone. If that will make you feel good then do it, then click "donate." If you want to do it anonymously, that's also an option. But no direct or personal reach out. Not now.

It could be that in time he might reach out to you. Obviously right now his focus is on his baby and their family's immediate struggle. And you should respect them enough to allow them that time. You also need to respect yourself and go deal with what this has brought up for you. There might be a time in the future, where they have moved out of crisis mode and you have reconciled your feelings about it all (again) that you could reach out and offer a unique kind of assistance to them--since not many of us do have to deal with such issues and you obviously have specific experience here. But for all involved, now is not the right time.

Peace to you. and hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

No, OP, it's not strange. You mentioned a concern he would abandon his baby, the way he abandoned you after your diagnosis.

It is even stranger to think I'm OP. I'm not. The douche deserves to suffer. I sympathize with a poor chlid. Not with the dude and his wife. They had coming. As I said before, flame all you want

What a weirdo. The wife? Why? What did she do? And what did he do? Bizarre this is how you view life.

Are you this surprised every time you meet someone who is different from you? Oh boy.

You keep doubling down on the weirdness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in my twenties, my first love and I broke up in part because of issues surrounding a severe injury I suffered and the possibility that it would lead to a permanent disability. It wasn't explicitly that he broke up with me because of it but he was torn between being young and having fun or being a caretaker and I dealt poorly with being massively insecure about it and took a lot of my anger out on him. In time we both healed and learned a lot. I think we were both fine with chaulking it up to life experience. We were friends for a while afterward, but have not had contact in almost 6 years, because his now-wife was uncomfortable with even the casual, sort of tense friendship we maintained (we have lots of mutual friends and even some that are family friends for both of us, so we were a big part of each other's lives and there was no risk of it becoming romantic again). While I was hurt when his wife cut off our relationship, I understand his family is way more important and I have my own family and life so I haven't thought him in a while. Tonight I just found out that his wife just gave birth to their child several months premature, and that child may have the same lifelong issue that was one of the potential issues I was facing. I don't know why this has hit me so hard but I have been crying all night and I don't even know why. I am so sad for their child and for my ex. I wish I could hug them all right now because it must be hard for them. I am sure he will stick by his family (right?) but I also am having a bunch of weird feelings wishing he could have been mature enough to step up when I needed him, and also fear that he will abandon this baby like he did me, etc. I am not normally a vey emotional person so I dont know why I am feeling this way. This is such a weird situation I don't know who to even talk to about it. So few people really understand what I went through during that time in my life and I'm so different now I don't think a lot of people would even believe it. I'm assuming I can't reach out to even offer support, although I do feel a little tug to. I just need to stay away and mind my own business, right?

Mix in an Enter key every once in a while, sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think he may abandon his child because he didn't want to be tied down by your medical issues in his 20s?

Wow.

OP here. I don't think this at all and I don't know why people keep assuming this. I clearly identified this as a feeling. I am very carefully to distinguish between thoughts and feelings and would appreciate when others do the same. I am sane and do not plan on interfering with their life. What I am trying to deal with is processing this news. I realize it's such an odd situation it's unlikely anyone else has encountered it but I thought it was worth a try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'll also chime in that you're mostly crying about yourself, OP. Yes, you feel for them, but your intense emotional reaction is a fresh burst of grief over something that happened in the past to you.

His wife clearly does not want you around. This is a tough time for them, and you must stay away. You will only make things harder for them.

Actually the fact that his wife explicitly cut you out of his life tells me you probably acted a little crazy after you broke up. I can assure you she doesn't want your crazy anywhere near her child.

Ha! That very same fact tells me his wife is a controlling shrew, and he's a pussy wipped shell of a man. Go figure.

Do you talk like this in real life?
I am embarrassed for you

Thank you. You may also cry for me in a corner, if you wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'll also chime in that you're mostly crying about yourself, OP. Yes, you feel for them, but your intense emotional reaction is a fresh burst of grief over something that happened in the past to you.

His wife clearly does not want you around. This is a tough time for them, and you must stay away. You will only make things harder for them.

Actually the fact that his wife explicitly cut you out of his life tells me you probably acted a little crazy after you broke up. I can assure you she doesn't want your crazy anywhere near her child.

OP here. This was not the case at all, but thanks for guessing! We were broken up for many years before they even met. There was no crazy from either side, as it was really the only sane option and we both had other stuff (the things that pulled us apart) to focus on. It was a very amiable breakup and there are no hard feelings or wishes it ended differently. I have no feelings of ill will towards him or his wife and while I don't know why she doesn't want him ever talking to exes (it's not just me) I recognize that my opinion on the matter is completely irrelevant to how they life their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

I agree, move on OP...something not right in your thinking. You need to stop stalking these people.

As for your ex I do believe in Karma...so leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think he may abandon his child because he didn't want to be tied down by your medical issues in his 20s?

Wow.

OP here. I don't think this at all and I don't know why people keep assuming this. I clearly identified this as a feeling. I am very carefully to distinguish between thoughts and feelings and would appreciate when others do the same. I am sane and do not plan on interfering with their life. What I am trying to deal with is processing this news. I realize it's such an odd situation it's unlikely anyone else has encountered it but I thought it was worth a try.

Because you wrote this...
wishing he could have been mature enough to step up when I needed him, and also fear that he will abandon this baby like he did me, etc.

...and people took you at your word.

[Anonymous]

I'm not really getting what their is for you to process, OP. None of this concerns you.