Processing Tough News

[Anonymous]

This is obviously triggering feelings from events in your past. I could be really wrong here but I think you may have some abandonment issues. Or maybe you're dealing with mortality. Sometimes, things-- smells, music, events-- trigger memories. If it takes you more than a day to bounce back or you keep having thoughts about this, maybe seek someone to talk it out, like a clergyman or a therapist.

[Anonymous]

While your heart is in the right place your intentions may not be.

It sounds like he was the love of your life, the one that got away.

I would not contact him now.
He & his wife are going through a very tough time now and you will only be an added complication to them now.

Try to focus on your own life and hard as it may be, try your very best not to keep track of what he is up to now.

[Anonymous]

The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'm married and very happy with my life. More importantly, I was happy between this old relationship and when I got married. I focused on myself during a time I really needed it and had over a decade of wonderful single and coupled time. There is very genuinely no wish that I was with my ex. There might be a little bit of regret that we cannot have any friendship because I agree with PP that I am better and I am who I am now in part because of him. There's also the awkwardness of having so many mutual friends (our best friends and some that are even extended family of the other) but we are grown ups so I'll deal.

I definitely need help working through my feelings about that and as I admitted, it's complicated. I don't think I have any bad motives here but it seems like I should stay away no matter what so I guess it doesn't matter. I guess I just have to hope that they have plenty of support from people they have less complicated relationships with.

OP, you wrote yourself that you and ex share numerous friends and even family friends so not sure why you are so concerned about this couple's support system? You can support this couple by staying out of their lives. My daughter was born at 27 weeks some years ago and I can tell you with certainty that your ex and his wife are not for a moment thinking about you or your shared, similar past at this time. They are only thinking of their baby and will not wonder why you did not show support to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is obviously triggering feelings from events in your past. I could be really wrong here but I think you may have some abandonment issues. Or maybe you're dealing with mortality. Sometimes, things-- smells, music, events-- trigger memories. If it takes you more than a day to bounce back or you keep having thoughts about this, maybe seek someone to talk it out, like a clergyman or a therapist.

+1 This is about you. You'll need to work through these feelings without any involvement with them.

I know you're telling yourself that your motives are pure but just the fact that you are pondering the possibility that you might be in a unique position to offer support and also that you're imagining he might abandon his baby reflects that you're not thinking about this with a clear head. And all of the complicated feelings coming up mean that you're not over it somehow (and that does not mean you're not happy in your life and marriage). But don't confuse it in your mind and imagine that it means you should get involved in any way.

Yes, they will need support, but not from you. This has absolutely nothing to do with you, even if you share a diagnosis with their baby.

[Anonymous]

You think he may abandon his child because he didn't want to be tied down by your medical issues in his 20s?

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

No, OP, it's not strange. You mentioned a concern he would abandon his baby, the way he abandoned you after your diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

It says so in the OP. Really bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

No, OP, it's not strange. You mentioned a concern he would abandon his baby, the way he abandoned you after your diagnosis.

No inference required! Just the ability to read words.

[Anonymous]

NP. I'll also chime in that you're mostly crying about yourself, OP. Yes, you feel for them, but your intense emotional reaction is a fresh burst of grief over something that happened in the past to you.

His wife clearly does not want you around. This is a tough time for them, and you must stay away. You will only make things harder for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'll also chime in that you're mostly crying about yourself, OP. Yes, you feel for them, but your intense emotional reaction is a fresh burst of grief over something that happened in the past to you.

His wife clearly does not want you around. This is a tough time for them, and you must stay away. You will only make things harder for them.

Actually the fact that his wife explicitly cut you out of his life tells me you probably acted a little crazy after you broke up. I can assure you she doesn't want your crazy anywhere near her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The karma, indeed, is a bitch. Flame away, DCUM.

OP, live your life. Forget the person who was in your life only briefly. It's all in the past, i.e. it doesn't matter.

How bizarre. There are many things that I will do for my children that I would never, ever do for a boyfriend. It is very strange to think that because someone didn't want something in a mate that the person wouldn't step up for a child with the same issue.

It is very strange to infer that from the original post, but whatever suits you.

No, OP, it's not strange. You mentioned a concern he would abandon his baby, the way he abandoned you after your diagnosis.

It is even stranger to think I'm OP. I'm not. The douche deserves to suffer. I sympathize with a poor chlid. Not with the dude and his wife. They had coming. As I said before, flame all you want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'll also chime in that you're mostly crying about yourself, OP. Yes, you feel for them, but your intense emotional reaction is a fresh burst of grief over something that happened in the past to you.

His wife clearly does not want you around. This is a tough time for them, and you must stay away. You will only make things harder for them.

Actually the fact that his wife explicitly cut you out of his life tells me you probably acted a little crazy after you broke up. I can assure you she doesn't want your crazy anywhere near her child.

Ha! That very same fact tells me his wife is a controlling shrew, and he's a pussy wipped shell of a man. Go figure.