Processing Tough News

[Anonymous]

OP I think this situation is causing you to revisit your prior health issues and your feelings of being abandoned by this man because of them. I totally get it. I agree with others who say that you should talk through these issues with a therapist. No doubt your ex has thought about you but it's up to him to say something. As an aside, I think wives who prohibit their spouses from talking to exes are very insecure and a little insane.

[Anonymous]

OP, this news is retriggering the trauma you experienced around your injury and perceived abandonment by your ex. If you are honest with yourself, you may realize that you want to reach out because you are enamored with the idea that you could now connect with your ex in a slightly different way than he connects with his wife and other friends, because of your past experiences. I am not saying you want a romantic relationship with him, but you want to believe that you are special to him in some enduring way. I think this is because your subconscious wants to go back and heal the old feelings of abandonment and loss by reinventing the relationship in a new way.

This is not a healthy impulse. Maybe the ex still has a place in his heart for you and maybe not, but he has clearly chosen to seal whatever is or was there away. He doesn't want continuing contact.

The fact that he feels this way doesn't mean that your ongoing feelings, however unrequited, are inappropriate. They are your feelings. It just means that you need to find a way to deal with those feelings on your own. Try trauma therapy.

If you are in DC, Linda Levine in Georgetown is good.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of an ex-preemie, I would appreciate the good thoughts and wishes of ANYONE.

With the understanding that exes would stick to sending one message, and not take the circumstances of the birth as an excuse to renew contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As the parent of an ex-preemie, I would appreciate the good thoughts and wishes of ANYONE.

With the understanding that exes would stick to sending one message, and not take the circumstances of the birth as an excuse to renew contact.

OP here. Thanks for at least being willing to consider that this was well intentioned. All I ever really would have considered doing was a passive "rooting for you, I'm here if you need me" type of thing, possibly with a small donation. I'm from a supportive small town and cultural community so that seems like the bare minimum of basic human decency to me. I've learned a lot here, and while the criticisms were valid because I now know not everyone feels that way I do, it's also nice to be understood. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were his wife and you reached out to my DH after this type of event I'd be upset. I think you should stay away and mind your business. Let them deal with their child and move on with their life. You need to learn to let go of the past. [b]

Have you thought of getting your own life?
How do you have time for this?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As the parent of an ex-preemie, I would appreciate the good thoughts and wishes of ANYONE.

With the understanding that exes would stick to sending one message, and not take the circumstances of the birth as an excuse to renew contact.

OP here. Thanks for at least being willing to consider that this was well intentioned. All I ever really would have considered doing was a passive "rooting for you, [/b]I'm here if you need me" [b]type of thing, possibly with a small donation. I'm from a supportive small town and cultural community so that seems like the bare minimum of basic human decency to me. I've learned a lot here, and while the criticisms were valid because I now know not everyone feels that way I do, it's also nice to be understood. Thank you.

I'd want to smack you.
Please get your own life!!!!!!!!