What makes a guy "creepy?"

[Anonymous]

11:07 here - I have a few friends who can sometimes give off an odd vibe. A couple of them are definitely on the spectrum, albeit the "mild" end of it. (think a slightly less rigid Sheldon from Big Bang.) But I've known them a long time and know they're good guys, so we just kind of roll with the stuff they do that's a little odd. It's similar to what we do with our friends who are trainwrecks. They do stupid crazy crap (not like DUI, just acting like idiots) when they drink, but they're our trainwrecks, so we keep them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

No, Asperger's does not == creepy. Some Aspies struggle with social cues, but they tend to refrain from approaching women at all. Creepy men fail to understand, or deliberately disregard social cues in a relentless, pushy, overly physical, entitled, aggressive way. Totally different from ASD.

The whole "it's not fair, I'm just socially awkward, women should give me the benefit of the doubt and devote their time and energy to teaching me how to behave" whine is a red flag for creepiness. Genuine Aspies don't tend to make that argument.

+1. People with Aspergers/ASD don't have this attitude of entitlement to women's time and attention. (Of course, one can have autism AND be creepy, but it's not automatic). And when people with ASD violate boundaries or miss social cues, they are genuinely sorry and want to do better. They typically don't get angry, call women ugly names, and demand endless explanations of why, why, why she won't date them.

And, of course, when you tell someone with ASD a very clear, unequivocal "NO. Do not contact me again.", they almost always comprehend and comply. It's the creeps who actually enjoy violating women's boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Also a general lack of respect for women, a sense of overall male superiority and dismissiveness towards women in general, other than for sex. A creep has no women in his life that he respects or admires. Enjoys no books written or movies directed by women. Has no real female friends and has a hard time relating to women's life stories and concerns in general.

Claims to struggle to find any woman "smart" enough to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

No, Asperger's does not == creepy. Some Aspies struggle with social cues, but they tend to refrain from approaching women at all. Creepy men fail to understand, or deliberately disregard social cues in a relentless, pushy, overly physical, entitled, aggressive way. Totally different from ASD.

The whole "it's not fair, I'm just socially awkward, women should give me the benefit of the doubt and devote their time and energy to teaching me how to behave" whine is a red flag for creepiness. Genuine Aspies don't tend to make that argument.

+1. People with Aspergers/ASD don't have this attitude of entitlement to women's time and attention. (Of course, one can have autism AND be creepy, but it's not automatic). And when people with ASD violate boundaries or miss social cues, they are genuinely sorry and want to do better. They typically don't get angry, call women ugly names, and demand endless explanations of why, why, why she won't date them.

And, of course, when you tell someone with ASD a very clear, unequivocal "NO. Do not contact me again.", they almost always comprehend and comply. It's the creeps who actually enjoy violating women's boundaries.

While I commend the ferocious defense of the ASD community the question isn't necessarily what makes a guy creepy in his core self so much as what does a guy do that makes a woman perceive him as creepy. ASD individuals can inadvertantly set off a woman's internal alarms, even more if she doesn't realize the person is on the spectrum. I don't think anyone is saying 'people with autism/asbergers are creepy' as much as yes, some austistic/spectrum behaviors can come off as creepy out of context.

[Anonymous]

Men who think they're deeper, more sensitive than other men. Men who think they're in touch with their feminine side. I lived in a house with 3 other people for a while, including one male. He was a friend, but could be so effing creepy. Once I woke up and he was sitting in my room. He said he just needed somebody to talk to, he was feeling emotional that day. He did the same to another room mate, saying he was just appreciating her beauty.

That's kind of an outrageous example, but here's another example. I worked with a man who liked to brag about his intuition, comparing himself to women in that way. He liked to deeply get to know people, really pick people's brains...by asking personal questions and making personal assumptions. He was so "intuitive," that he declared me to be very deeply depressed, and wanted to help. Ha. The reason he sensed this "depression" was that he creeped me out so much that I basically shut down when he came around so that he wouldn't ever try to talk to me (I'd give the very minimal nod hello, no eye contact, practically ignored his every word).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also a general lack of respect for women, a sense of overall male superiority and dismissiveness towards women in general, other than for sex. A creep has no women in his life that he respects or admires. Enjoys no books written or movies directed by women. Has no real female friends and has a hard time relating to women's life stories and concerns in general.

Claims to struggle to find any woman "smart" enough to date.

Lots of good conversation on the topic of "creepy," but I have to call b.s. on this one. There are plenty of good looking, successful chauvinists who women find attractive.

[Anonymous]

For a man it's that he is not rich

[Anonymous]

There are certain characteristics that some people on the spectrum share (inability to read social clues, general awkwardness, singular fascination with a subject, lack of eye contact or prolonged eye contact, lack of filter, etc) that can indeed translate intO being seen as creepy. It's not 100%, it's not a given, but it's not an anomaly either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

No, Asperger's does not == creepy. Some Aspies struggle with social cues, but they tend to refrain from approaching women at all. Creepy men fail to understand, or deliberately disregard social cues in a relentless, pushy, overly physical, entitled, aggressive way. Totally different from ASD.

The whole "it's not fair, I'm just socially awkward, women should give me the benefit of the doubt and devote their time and energy to teaching me how to behave" whine is a red flag for creepiness. Genuine Aspies don't tend to make that argument.

+1. People with Aspergers/ASD don't have this attitude of entitlement to women's time and attention. (Of course, one can have autism AND be creepy, but it's not automatic). And when people with ASD violate boundaries or miss social cues, they are genuinely sorry and want to do better. They typically don't get angry, call women ugly names, and demand endless explanations of why, why, why she won't date them.

And, of course, when you tell someone with ASD a very clear, unequivocal "NO. Do not contact me again.", they almost always comprehend and comply. It's the creeps who actually enjoy violating women's boundaries.

While I commend the ferocious defense of the ASD community the question isn't necessarily what makes a guy creepy in his core self so much as what does a guy do that makes a woman perceive him as creepy. ASD individuals can inadvertantly set off a woman's internal alarms, even more if she doesn't realize the person is on the spectrum. I don't think anyone is saying 'people with autism/asbergers are creepy' as much as yes, some austistic/spectrum behaviors can come off as creepy out of context.

+1
Yes, this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

No, Asperger's does not == creepy. Some Aspies struggle with social cues, but they tend to refrain from approaching women at all. Creepy men fail to understand, or deliberately disregard social cues in a relentless, pushy, overly physical, entitled, aggressive way. Totally different from ASD.

The whole "it's not fair, I'm just socially awkward, women should give me the benefit of the doubt and devote their time and energy to teaching me how to behave" whine is a red flag for creepiness. Genuine Aspies don't tend to make that argument.

+1. People with Aspergers/ASD don't have this attitude of entitlement to women's time and attention. (Of course, one can have autism AND be creepy, but it's not automatic). And when people with ASD violate boundaries or miss social cues, they are genuinely sorry and want to do better. They typically don't get angry, call women ugly names, and demand endless explanations of why, why, why she won't date them.

And, of course, when you tell someone with ASD a very clear, unequivocal "NO. Do not contact me again.", they almost always comprehend and comply. It's the creeps who actually enjoy violating women's boundaries.

While I commend the ferocious defense of the ASD community the question isn't necessarily what makes a guy creepy in his core self so much as what does a guy do that makes a woman perceive him as creepy. ASD individuals can inadvertantly set off a woman's internal alarms, even more if she doesn't realize the person is on the spectrum. I don't think anyone is saying 'people with autism/asbergers are creepy' as much as yes, some austistic/spectrum behaviors can come off as creepy out of context.

NP, I agree with the bolded above.

[Anonymous]

OP, you still sound kind of creepy to me, sorry. Why are you so invested in the emotions of strangers? Why try to make them laugh, etc?

I enjoy random, brief, interactions with strangers - someone ahead of me in the checkout line, for example. But usually it starts with a shared experience - like we both observe a [hilarious, obnoxious, frustrating] scene, and comment about it. Share a few more sentences, then move on with our lives. I would never watch people walk past me and interact with them, trying to make them laugh.

If I'm "sitting, drinking my coffee", I'm reading, looking at my phone (probably FB), or zoning out. I'm for sure not trying to interact with people who walk by.

[Anonymous]

If women as well as strangers with children were all avoiding you, I would guess that it's either or both:

1) your appearance or
2) an unsettling way of smiling/staring.

#2 is, for me, the biggest creep factor I encounter in strangers. As is standing too close - very common among creeps. So is nosiness and asking personal questions.

So, in sum: looking too long, smiling at people you don't know when there's nothing smile-worthy happening, being invasive with questions and/or personal space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If women as well as strangers with children were all avoiding you, I would guess that it's either or both:

1) your appearance or
2) an unsettling way of smiling/staring.

#2 is, for me, the biggest creep factor I encounter in strangers. As is standing too close - very common among creeps. So is nosiness and asking personal questions.

So, in sum: looking too long, smiling at people you don't know when there's nothing smile-worthy happening, being invasive with questions and/or personal space.

^^And I mean a fixed, prolonged smile, not a quick, friendly smile of acknowledgment or greeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still sound kind of creepy to me, sorry. Why are you so invested in the emotions of strangers? Why try to make them laugh, etc?

I enjoy random, brief, interactions with strangers - someone ahead of me in the checkout line, for example. But usually it starts with a shared experience - like we both observe a [hilarious, obnoxious, frustrating] scene, and comment about it. Share a few more sentences, then move on with our lives. I would never watch people walk past me and interact with them, trying to make them laugh.

If I'm "sitting, drinking my coffee", I'm reading, looking at my phone (probably FB), or zoning out. I'm for sure not trying to interact with people who walk by.

Op here. Usually, I am sitting outside, looking at my computer, when the movement catches me. (I notice it). I look up, and will only speak or say something if the other person looks at me or I know them. I am not sitting there talking to everyone going by. The jokes etc are usually times where I am waiting in line. And it is always focused on the situation. And usually if I know someone.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It seems to me that creepy is a word for someone that gives you the creepy feeling up and down the spine. And that makes the definition different for everyone.

I was asking, not because I am on the spectrum, but rather I keep hearing the term creepy, and was curious as to what makes people creepy. For me, it was the person that kept randomly showing up where I was. After a while, it was clear that she was stalking me. But, as a guy, I am in a better position to defend myself (physically) if required (and assuming weapons are not involved).