What makes a guy "creepy?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intense interest and goopy overaffection, followed by anger when affection is not returned.

This. Turning instantly from an overly familiar and persistent would-be boyfriend, to a pouting and petulant child when his interest is politely declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor social skills, minor but persistent boundary violations, inability to accept a polite "no". A lack of respect for women in general and an inability to consider the perspectives of others. Selfishness, self-centeredness, and narcissism.

Sometimes, poor hygiene and eccentric appearance.

A sense of entitlement to women's time, attention, and bodies.

Too much time on the internet reading "pickup" sites or chatting with similar men. This only reinforces creepy behaviors.

All of this but the boundary violations in particular and the inability to accept a "no" drive me crazy and are such a turn off on a date. These are also usually a guarantee I'll get bitched out when I decline a second date and the guy is going to insist on an extensive justification why I won't see him again.

[Anonymous]

Unable to read body language.

[Anonymous]

Lack of boundaries.

If I haven't done something to indicate I want to talk to you, don't unless it's to be courteous or convey necessary information.

Example, on metro.

non-creepy-- your backpack is open and something looks like it will fall out.

creepy-- smile! So, I notice you like the beach, me too (pointing at OBX T-shirt).

Example, in Starbucks

non-creepy-- Looks like they forgot both of our orders. I'm going to check.

creepy-- sit down at my table or ask to do so, unless there are no others and I'm at a big table and it's clear you just want to work.

Example, on the street

creepy-- anything other than "miss, your hair is on fire."

example, at work

non-creepy-- did you have a nice weekend?

creepy-- asking for a date; staring; looming over my desk.

example, Facebook.

non-creepy-- sending friend request if you are a friend of a friend and you often reply to the same friend's postings and "like" one another's comments. If I don't accept the friend request, you drop it.

creepy-- private messaging me to ask about the friend request, trying to talk to me once I've said no, expressing anger and telling me what kind of person I am if I decide not to interact with you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

Not even that, I don't think. Make yourself laugh - let them share in the humor if they want, don't force it upon them if they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lack of boundaries.

If I haven't done something to indicate I want to talk to you, don't unless it's to be courteous or convey necessary information.

Example, on metro.

non-creepy-- your backpack is open and something looks like it will fall out.

creepy-- smile! So, I notice you like the beach, me too (pointing at OBX T-shirt).

Example, in Starbucks

non-creepy-- Looks like they forgot both of our orders. I'm going to check.

creepy-- sit down at my table or ask to do so, unless there are no others and I'm at a big table and it's clear you just want to work.

Example, on the street

creepy-- anything other than "miss, your hair is on fire."

example, at work

non-creepy-- did you have a nice weekend?

creepy-- asking for a date; staring; looming over my desk.

example, Facebook.

non-creepy-- sending friend request if you are a friend of a friend and you often reply to the same friend's postings and "like" one another's comments. If I don't accept the friend request, you drop it.

creepy-- private messaging me to ask about the friend request, trying to talk to me once I've said no, expressing anger and telling me what kind of person I am if I decide not to interact with you.

Would this be creepy? woman I have worked with for 5 years comments on how much weight she lost. I respond, Really, I did not notice. But I never thought you looked like you needed to lose weight? FWIW, I have no interest in her beyond a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of boundaries.

If I haven't done something to indicate I want to talk to you, don't unless it's to be courteous or convey necessary information.

Example, on metro.

non-creepy-- your backpack is open and something looks like it will fall out.

creepy-- smile! So, I notice you like the beach, me too (pointing at OBX T-shirt).

Example, in Starbucks

non-creepy-- Looks like they forgot both of our orders. I'm going to check.

creepy-- sit down at my table or ask to do so, unless there are no others and I'm at a big table and it's clear you just want to work.

Example, on the street

creepy-- anything other than "miss, your hair is on fire."

example, at work

non-creepy-- did you have a nice weekend?

creepy-- asking for a date; staring; looming over my desk.

example, Facebook.

non-creepy-- sending friend request if you are a friend of a friend and you often reply to the same friend's postings and "like" one another's comments. If I don't accept the friend request, you drop it.

creepy-- private messaging me to ask about the friend request, trying to talk to me once I've said no, expressing anger and telling me what kind of person I am if I decide not to interact with you.

Would this be creepy? woman I have worked with for 5 years comments on how much weight she lost. I respond, Really, I did not notice. But I never thought you looked like you needed to lose weight? FWIW, I have no interest in her beyond a friend.

I wouldn't call that creepy, but since this woman seems invested in people noticing her weight loss, you might instead say: "that must feel really good."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

What the hell is with the DCUM obsession with Asperger?

It's mind-blowing. OP, if you're saying that your own ASD is what made you "creepy," I strongly doubt it. Don't internalize bigotry.

If you think the descriptions of creepy = Asperger, educate yourself.

People with autism often find social situations stressful and are more likely to avoid eye contact, avoid verbal interactions that aren't absolutely necessary, and seek out separation from others even when in crowds.

[Anonymous]

I would say that whatever it is that pushes a person over from annoying to creepy has its basis in creating fear.

Something about you is making me wonder if I would be ok if you decided to escalate and that there is an element of me that thinks its possible you might escalate.

That said, I think some women are impossible to please on the creepy front. I mean guys are out there having to be the one to initiate these conversations. I have one friend that thinks every male that talks to her is 'creepy' when in reality she just isn't comfortable in her own skin and guys talking to her heightens that feeling of discomfort. Therefore no matter what the guy does she feels threatened and therefore the guy is creepy. That isn't fair. Like what PP said above, I would not be creeped out if I had on an OBX t-shirt and a guy commented on how he liked NC too. I would be creeped out if I made an innocuous smile of thanks back and he continued to try to talk to me aggressively.

Being able to read social cues is critical, but unless that majority of women think you're creepy I wouldn't assume you ARE creepy because one woman told you you are. Sometimes we get a little carried away and every human interaction can be perceived as creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

What the hell is with the DCUM obsession with Asperger?

It's mind-blowing. OP, if you're saying that your own ASD is what made you "creepy," I strongly doubt it. Don't internalize bigotry.

If you think the descriptions of creepy = Asperger, educate yourself.

People with autism often find social situations stressful and are more likely to avoid eye contact, avoid verbal interactions that aren't absolutely necessary, and seek out separation from others even when in crowds.

To be fair most people wouldn't be able to tell someone had Asbergers just walking next to them down the street or in an initial conversation but they probably WOULD be able to tell something was just a little different/off about the person's interactions. That could set off creep alarm bells in my mind. Once you understand why the person isn't taking social cues as well you obviously shouldn't ostracize them but I think not being automatically perceived as creepy actually probably is a struggle they face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

No, Asperger's does not == creepy. Some Aspies struggle with social cues, but they tend to refrain from approaching women at all. Creepy men fail to understand, or deliberately disregard social cues in a relentless, pushy, overly physical, entitled, aggressive way. Totally different from ASD.

The whole "it's not fair, I'm just socially awkward, women should give me the benefit of the doubt and devote their time and energy to teaching me how to behave" whine is a red flag for creepiness. Genuine Aspies don't tend to make that argument.

[Anonymous]

I don't find many people "creepy." I definitely don't find friendly people creepy, because I have a tendency to talk to strangers myself.

The PP's have pretty much covered what creepy is. For me, it's a guy who doesn't take no for an answer, or who isn't reading my social cues and is acting inappropriately friendly when he doesn't know me. (if I'm not also acting friendly.)

And sadly enough, you're less likely to be deemed "creepy" if you're reasonably attractive and put-together. Guys who are attractive can usually get away with more, fair or not.

[Anonymous]

"Creepy" = an unattractive male who shows interest in a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. A couple of thoughts...

First, it seems like Aspergers == creepy....not reading cues, etc.

Second, I can see how/why people are viewing me differently. Today, my goal is more to make people laugh and to feel good rather than to get them to like me/want to be with me.

No, Asperger's does not == creepy. Some Aspies struggle with social cues, but they tend to refrain from approaching women at all. Creepy men fail to understand, or deliberately disregard social cues in a relentless, pushy, overly physical, entitled, aggressive way. Totally different from ASD.

The whole "it's not fair, I'm just socially awkward, women should give me the benefit of the doubt and devote their time and energy to teaching me how to behave" whine is a red flag for creepiness. Genuine Aspies don't tend to make that argument.

+1000

Someone with Asperger is the last person who would push past acceptable boundaries.

At Autreat, a convention of autistic people, they have color-coded name tags that let others know how receptive you are to being approached at that time. It receives stress and tension to be able to project clear boundaries in a social setting.

Frankly I'd love to have something like that and I'm neurotypical.