Need motivation to lose 30 pounds - for my own sake and that of my marriage
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Anonymous
| I agree that the attacks on the DH are unwarranted - and I'm an overweight woman with a fit husband. Guess what, defensive fat ladies - your husbands can see it. OP's husband didn't say she was a disgusting cow or he didn't love her. He got drunk and said the truth. I'd be hurt if DH said it - but it is true and he has the right to his thoughts. |
Anonymous
| It would not be acceptable to me for my husband to get drunk and tell me I am an embarrassment. Maybe that's okay in your marriage, but not for us. Believe me, we both have our flaws, but we do not work out our problems by hurting each other like that, or by making snide comments about the neighbors. |
Anonymous
This! For the win. You said succinctly what I was struggling to pin down. This is not a thread about the paleo diet or white rice = bad, or doing planks. ^^^ THIS Is the actual topic. |
Anonymous
Op also told her DH that he was an embarrassment. Both of them pointed out something about the other that was embarrassing. |
Anonymous
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OP, only you know whether your marriage is, on balance, a source of comfort and strength. So I will leave that to you to sort out.
I have had good results doing weight watchers on line. I really like the data entry, the easy calculation of points used and points remaining, the ability to track points over time. And it works. |
Anonymous
30 pounds is a LOT, esp. when you're 5'2" (as the OP is, and as I am as well). I weighed her exact weight a few months after my baby was born, and I knew I was overweight and was unhappy. I also have a very fit, thin DH. He was really nice about it ("you just had a baby, give it time, you're so mean to yourself"), but I suspect he would have gotten tired of it over time if I hadn't started tackling it seriously at 5m pp and lost it steadily. I've been in your exact shoes in terms of weight and height, OP. Low cal, low carb, low fat, high protein is truly the way to go. After a few days of it your stomach will shrink and you'll see results almost immediately. That progress will encourage you to keep going. Those first few days are the toughest, so you have to be determined. Good luck! 
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Anonymous
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OP, I'm sure it was a very painful moment, but perhaps not a surprise. I think we all have our moments where we criticize our spouse internally and sometimes it gets expressed. God knows that there are times I'm embarrassed by DH, who is perfectly happy to run around all weekend without shaving, showering and wearing only semi-clean clothes--and who also has put on about 25 lbs since *we* had kids. He can look great pulled together, but a wreck at other times--and why does it bother me? because I make the effort to look decent, in part for him. Does this mean I don't love him or am planning to leave him? No. It just means that's an area in which I want him to change, but I also know that nagging him isn't helpful.
anyway, on to you. It sounds like you've been unhappy with your weight for some time, but maybe you feel like you haven't "deserved" to do what it takes to lose it, which is focus on you and your health, putting that as a priority. With working and 3 kids, your life is nuts, so the first thing that has to happen, before any decisions about working out or dieting, is figuring out how to make you a priority--and this involves your husband too! You need to have a conversation about this, and ask for his support. Everyone has to be on board about meals (no short order cooking) and you need time to exercise. So figure out when and how that is going to happen. For me, that meant finding a nearby exercise class and discussing with DH that I would be taking a class 3 days a week, during X time, and he would watch the kids. I advocate starting SOME form of exercise because it helps you feel connected to your body. I am much more likely to eat well when I exercise--I also sleep more, and better, snack less, and feel less exhausted and depressed (yes, I know the cycle--work, kids, exhaustion, stress, then wine, then, late night snack, sugar for reward, stay up too late, not enough sleep, too tired for exercise, too much coffee, etc. You can break the cycle). Secondly, while many people here tout cutting all grains, starches, etc,doing that while also cooking for kids can be tough. I took a modified approach--made meals that I could eat happily and healthily, but served (whole) grains on the side, and I didn't cut out everything and I really don't feel deprived at all. I never mentioned to DH that I was 'dieting' because I'm not--I 'm just eating better: less sugar, alcohol, grains, more vegetables. Also, every day, I make green smoothies and get tons of veggies, and make sure I have healthy choices easily available. One problem with a busy life is that meals like breakfast or lunch are never planned and food on the run is inevitably not as good. So, I have hard boiled eggs, nuts, avocados, chopped veggies, cooked chicken, etc, on hand (make them sundays and prep weekly meaisl on sundays--DH takes the kids so I can do this). Breakfast and lunch are boring but I don't mind the routine and I spend time thinking about dinner and how to cook something appealing and healthy 4-5 nights a week. At least one night we go out or get take out and we have our sacred pizza night (homemade, thin crust loaded with veggies for me). other things: go to bed early. the more sleep you get, the more energy you will have. 30 lbs (or really, 25 would be fine for you) may feel like the weight of the world right now, but its not that much. you can do it! Take it slow and steady and just think, every day, "I'm doing this because I want to be healthy and fit." Part of being overweight is that you don't feel good about yourself, and not feeling good can be a vicious cycle. taking time for yourself and taking care of your mind and body will help you lose the weight (and not vice versa). |
Anonymous
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While I think it was mean of your husband to say that to you OP about your weight, I think he just said a dumb thing and was being a drunk jerk that evening.
Unless he is continuing berating you for your weight, etc., I wouldn't necessarily say your marriage is on the line here. Sure, it wasn't too kind what he said, but it is forgivable as long as he apologizes and doesn't say it again. I myself know how tough it is to lose the extra lbs. especially as you get older. First of all, are you on any medications, I.e., anti-depressants, etc.? If so, losing weight may be a huge challenge as certain medications actually cause weight gain. If you can afford to, I would try to sign up for one of those diet programs that deliver food to your door. That way, it would be hard to resist. Perhaps Jenny Craig or Medifast? Regarding exercise, it would be wonderful if you could have a daily walking buddy to keep you motivated. A neighbor, a co-worker, maybe a sister?? Drive somewhere scenic such as a beautiful lake or perhaps take up hiking on weekends. If there is something pretty to look at, then it will give you more incentive to want to get out and about. Good luck to you. |
Anonymous
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You know what to do. What you are lacking is structure. Structure can help.
http://centerforweightandwellness.com/ I'm a patient of theirs. For the first time in my life, in my 40's, my weight is under control. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Weight Watchers is the best program out there for losing and keeping off the weight because it leads you to make sustainable changes. As someone pointed out, you can do it on-line. It has structure and it won't pull you away from family meals with freaky food needs (as many extreme diets do, often creating a situation you can't sustain so the weight just comes back). |
Anonymous
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The reality is that being overweight/obese is frowned on by society. It affects job prospects, chances for promotion, how people interact with you socially, relationships with a spouse, etc.
In most instances people don't comment about it in front of the overweight person but they do say so behind their backs. If you don't think this is the case you are living in a fantasy land. OP called out her husband for drinking too much and not having control over his behavior and her husband retaliated by telling OP she was overweight. Her husband said what he was likely thinking without voicing it in the past and the probability is that others view OP the same way. To the PPs' who are castigating her husband, get a life ...... you are projecting like crazy because it is likely that some of you are overweight and see yourself in OP's position. The answer is not to get upset at people who point this out directly or talk about it behind your back. What you need to do is to focus on losing weight. If you are markedly overweight, people are talking about it behind your back. When you get on a plane and are heading for your allotted seat, other passengers are likely thinking to themselves that they hope he/she is not going to be seated next to them and they breathe a sigh of relief when you go past them. OP, you recognize that something needs to be done with regard to your weight although it may have come about in less than desirable circumstances. The 30 pounds you need to lose is very doable and I encourage you to focus on that aspect and ignore the PPs' whose entire wrath is directed at your husband for telling you what you know. |
Anonymous
I am the same height and weight as the OP and went to one of their free information sessions. Everyone there was much heavier, and I felt my weight concerns were dismissed a bit by the presenters. Also, getting to the location several times a week with children would be difficult for me, and possibly OP as well. Finally, the price tag (several thousand dollars) is not within reach for me. All that said, I'm glad you found something that worked for you. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. I started Weight Watchers in February and lost 19 pounds. In all my previous attempts at losing weight (trying to exercise more), I was never able to lose. I needed to change what and how I ate and Weight Watchers was what helped me change. Do you have a good HR department? Weight Watchers has a come to work program in which they come to the office 1 day a week. That is when you do the weigh-in and meetings. I would never have joined WW if I had to go on my own and I didn't have the discipline to do on-line. Plus, they come to your office so it is super easy for you. Mention this program to your HR department and see if they would be interested in holding this program at your work. |
Anonymous
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It sucks to hear the truth. I still cringe when my family confronted me about the 20Lb weight gain I had Sophomore year in college. I was in total denial (deep down I knew) but i also was hiding horrible self-esteem about it. That comment--mean from my older brother (brothers!) and exasperation from my mom and sister was a major motivation to getting things under control. I dropped the weight and now 24 years later I weigh the exact same amount (even after gaining 45 lbs with each pregnancy).
I learned: 1) I can't do scales. I get obsessed. Depressed with any fluctuations and stagnations. 2) Love of exercise is my strength. Variety is key. And just showing up---make yourself go even when you don't feel like it--start with 10 min--you'll find once you pass that mark it is easy to keep going. 3) I have never been on a 'diet'. I substitute junk for healthier things. No bagels, no mayo, cook with olive oil- no butter, no heavy sauces, light on pasta. I eat very healthy Mon-Thursday (no red meat--fish, white meat, salads at lunch). Weekends I allow myself a steak or a burger, some wine, etc. I found once I cut back on sweets--my sweet tooth just about disappeared. Good luck. |