Need motivation to lose 30 pounds - for my own sake and that of my marriage

[Anonymous]

Dear DCUMs:
I wonder if anyone can provide any inspiring weight-loss stories. I am 5'2" and weigh 158 pounds. The appropriate BMI for my height is up 115 to 136 pounds. I wear a size 14, which is not great for someone who is 5'2".

I was always in a normal weight range (albeit at the top of the range) and loved exercising, until after my 3rd child was born about 3 years ago. That, in combination with a worry about my department being cut in a cost-cutting measure, made my life feel a bit overwhelming. I felt guilty taking time to exercise because I wanted to spend all spare time after work with my kids. I also started the bad habit of snacking in the evenings after putting the kids to bed.

Over the weekend, my husband (an otherwise good guy) told me that he's embarrassed of my weight. My DH is very fit, and had never directly criticized me before for my weight. But over the weekend, after he'd had too much to drink at a neighborhood BBQ, I asked him to watch his drinking (because he'd acted in an embarrassing way -- by repeating himself and forgetting obvious things). He countered that, if I'm embarrassed of his behavior, well he's embarrassed of me because of my weight. I don't know if he remembers saying it, but he definitely said it. Maybe it's something he has felt for years, but only now had the "courage" to say.

My DH is not necessarily super good looking, but he is thin and fit. Although he's never before criticized my weight directly, he's always quick to point out when someone he works with is "fat," or when one of our neighbors is "fat." I always fully understood his not-so-subtle hints.

Aside from my weight, my life appears to be pretty well together. I have a good career (make slightly more than DH once you include bonus, profit-sharing and stock). (I could support the kids and me if needed.) The kids are healthy and, for the most part, seem pretty well-adjusted. I fake my way at appearing content with everything in life.

I know how great and awesome it feels to be thin and in shape. I somehow just need to get myself jump-started. With full-time work, and the obligations of 3 kids, I still feel overwhelmed. My DH is a full partner in terms of childcare and cooking, and so I don't have the excuse that I don't have time to exercise. I just need to eat fewer snacks and less late-night snacking. But taking off the weight takes discipline!

My initial reaction upon hearing his comment was not even to cry. He makes a good point -- I am embarrassed of my weight too. Just need to motivate.

Thanks for any inspiring stories of weight loss. Anyone else ever been told by their husband that their weight is embarrassing?

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I think in good relationships, spouses can tell the other the truth. So kudos to you for taking your DH's comment nicely, as much as I'm sure it hurts.

How does your DH stay in shape? Take the lead from him. I feel like he's a caring guy and would probably give good pointers. The easiest way to start is to eat less (replace snacks with water, but still eat healthful meals) and to walk at night. Kids might even enjoy it too!

[Anonymous]

Somewhere in your post OP, I got the impression that you understand that your primary problem is your marriage and your secondary problem is your weight.

[Anonymous]

Lose weight if YOU want to.

[Anonymous]

You sound depressed, OP! Maybe start some counseling. Or maybe if you started exercising you'd get some endorphins going. Not a bad idea to try both.

[Anonymous]

OP, posting to say I'm exactly where you are as far as height and weight (exactly!) but only one child and single. I've been reading all the recent DCUM posts about losing weight to try to figure out what I think will work for me. I think I might start with WW. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I found that with a busy, often stressful schedule, I could not eat something different than my family. If it's in the house, I will eat it! So for me the solution is to NOT buy it, which puts my husband in a difficult position. He has been saying for over a year that I need to lose weight, and he's right, but he doesn't want to eat right himself! Buys chips and ice cream in bulk.

I finally persuaded him yesterday that we needed to do this as a team. No junk food in the house, except as a small treat. Taking turns to exercise and watch the kids.

Don't know if this helps. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you completely. I'm a size 12 after my second baby 6 months ago and am 5'7 so taller than you, but my DH is a very thin and fit guy and I feel enormous next to him. He is extremely conscious of not saying anything about my weight but I'm sure he notices that I'm bigger than I used to be.

That said, as a PP said you have to lose weight for YOU. Every time you reach for another cookie or hesitate to put something in your weight loss app, remind yourself that you are only cheating YOU. I'm using LoseIt (have also used My Fitness Pal in the past) and just knowing how many calories are in various things is helpful. Start small - water instead of a snack, a bit of cardio a few days a week. Just make it a non-negotiable part of your routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in your post OP, I got the impression that you understand that your primary problem is your marriage and your secondary problem is your weight.

+1

from one who's been there herself

[Anonymous]

Wow OP I am crying reading your post. I am 5"1 about 152 lbs. had a baby one year ago, my second. I work full time and my husband is never home until 9 pm. My day starts at 6 am and by 9 I do not have the energy to exercise. I also snack after kids are asleep and I have 30 minutes to watch tv. Thats my only downtime. I am depressed and embarassed. I am going to start low-carbing today. It worked for me in the past.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. I am a DH in a (happy) family with 1 child -- and I also feel overwhelmed and gained weight after our child was born.

So, you're not alone!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I've been as low as 115 (and maintained at 120 for a couple years), but my normal "set point" seems to be around 130. I have an average build but always have a potbelly, no matter how small I get.

It doesn't help that I wasn't feeling well the past week, and just wanted mashed potatoes, crackers and soup. The idea of fresh vegetables or meat just turned my stomach, even though I was starving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I've been as low as 115 (and maintained at 120 for a couple years), but my normal "set point" seems to be around 130. I have an average build but always have a potbelly, no matter how small I get.

It doesn't help that I wasn't feeling well the past week, and just wanted mashed potatoes, crackers and soup. The idea of fresh vegetables or meat just turned my stomach, even though I was starving.

Oops, I am NOT OP. I posted in the wrong thread, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in your post OP, I got the impression that you understand that your primary problem is your marriage and your secondary problem is your weight.

+1

from one who's been there herself

+1 I think it is much harder to motivate to lose weight when you perceive rightly or wrongly that others judge you for your weight. I have been there.

A little bit of success is always the best motivation for me. If you think that might work for you, you might try something like Medifast to shed pounds fast. I haven't done it myself, but the people I know who have done it, shed the weight and kept it off.

I have had some success in losing weight by writing down everything I am eating. It's a little old fashioned, but it does keep me from grazing since I want to avoid filling up two or more pages in my journal documenting the junk I've eaten.

Look for weight loss tips and incorporate a new one into your life each week.

Start exercising! For me, diet only takes me so far. It's only after I commit to a daily exercise regimen do I get the results I want.

[Anonymous]

I am your height, and I used to be your size (14), but I weighed 185. It's so bizarre how people can be the same size but weigh such different amounts. I'm now 130 and a size 4.

I lost my weight primarily by getting my butt in shape. Rowing, hiking, taking classes at the gym, swimming, even running. I was at a pretty stable starting weight so didn't touch my diet much - because of that, the exercise made a huge dent. It was slow but steady, while I made sure not to overdo it. In fact, I now can eat a little more than I used to, because my body is so used to using fuel due to the increased activity.

Take it slow, if you're new to exercising. 3 days a week. Then after a month or two, add 1 more day. Then after another month or 2, add yet another so you're up to exercising 5x a week. Find what you like, and do it.

The thing with exercise is that not only will it help you lose weight and over time, even raise your metabolism - exercise boost confidence, and confidence is sexy. It gets your blood moving, it helps hormones, and even though it's a pain in the ass (especially in the beginning), it makes you feel really, really good after a while. That confidence (in addition to losing weight) will help your relationship, and likely make your husband more attractive to you. Work out together!