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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sure it was a very painful moment, but perhaps not a surprise. I think we all have our moments where we criticize our spouse internally and sometimes it gets expressed. God knows that there are times I'm embarrassed by DH, who is perfectly happy to run around all weekend without shaving, showering and wearing only semi-clean clothes--and who also has put on about 25 lbs since *we* had kids. He can look great pulled together, but a wreck at other times--and why does it bother me? because I make the effort to look decent, in part for him. Does this mean I don't love him or am planning to leave him? No. It just means that's an area in which I want him to change, but I also know that nagging him isn't helpful.

anyway, on to you. It sounds like you've been unhappy with your weight for some time, but maybe you feel like you haven't "deserved" to do what it takes to lose it, which is focus on you and your health, putting that as a priority. With working and 3 kids, your life is nuts, so the first thing that has to happen, before any decisions about working out or dieting, is figuring out how to make you a priority--and this involves your husband too! You need to have a conversation about this, and ask for his support. Everyone has to be on board about meals (no short order cooking) and you need time to exercise. So figure out when and how that is going to happen. For me, that meant finding a nearby exercise class and discussing with DH that I would be taking a class 3 days a week, during X time, and he would watch the kids. I advocate starting SOME form of exercise because it helps you feel connected to your body. I am much more likely to eat well when I exercise--I also sleep more, and better, snack less, and feel less exhausted and depressed (yes, I know the cycle--work, kids, exhaustion, stress, then wine, then, late night snack, sugar for reward, stay up too late, not enough sleep, too tired for exercise, too much coffee, etc. You can break the cycle).

Secondly, while many people here tout cutting all grains, starches, etc,doing that while also cooking for kids can be tough. I took a modified approach--made meals that I could eat happily and healthily, but served (whole) grains on the side, and I didn't cut out everything and I really don't feel deprived at all. I never mentioned to DH that I was 'dieting' because I'm not--I 'm just eating better: less sugar, alcohol, grains, more vegetables. Also, every day,  I make green smoothies and get tons of veggies, and make sure I have healthy choices easily available.  One problem with a busy life is that meals like breakfast or lunch are never planned and food on the run is inevitably not as good. So, I have hard boiled eggs, nuts, avocados, chopped veggies, cooked chicken, etc, on hand (make them sundays and prep weekly meaisl on sundays--DH takes the kids so I can do this). Breakfast and lunch are boring but I don't mind the routine and I spend time thinking about dinner and how to cook something appealing and healthy 4-5 nights a week. At least one night we go out or get take out and we have our sacred pizza night (homemade, thin crust loaded with veggies for me).

other things: go to bed early. the more sleep you get, the more energy you will have. 30 lbs (or really, 25 would be fine for you) may feel like the weight of the world right now, but its not that much. you can do it! Take it slow and steady and just think, every day, "I'm doing this because I want to be healthy and fit." Part of being overweight is that you don't feel good about yourself, and not feeling good can be a vicious cycle. taking time for yourself and taking care of your mind and body will help you lose the weight (and not vice versa).[/quote]

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