Reply to Guys, how do you feel when she says no?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First I didn't notice there was no sex as we were both busy with the kids. Then I pleaded with dw to get help, or an open marriage. Now I am just at a loss about what to do next.[/quote]

How long did it take you to notice?[/quote]

NP but I found myself in a similar dynamic. Sex was pretty good before the first kid. It took a dive during pregnancy - I thought that was fairly normal and didn't push the issue. First couple of months after kid #1 were also slow - still, thought it was fairly normal, lack of sleep, post-pregnancy hormones, etc. Didn't push it. Not long after, we started trying to conceive kid #2. My wife was on a mission and, frankly, it got to be a chore, but the frequency was way up at that point. Then, during pregnancy #2, the frequency dropped way down again. Then post-pregnancy, it was still low. No problems, I knew the deal. For another year or two, I explained away the 1-2x/month sex with chasing around toddlers. She said she was just tired all the time. Then I needed to help more around the house (I stepped it up). Then she had body image issues. (She had put on a fair amount of weight during this period)

I was very patient. (Probably too patient in retrospect). Every time she offered a reason why she didn't feel much like having sex, I responded and tried to do whatever I could on my end to address that reason. I didn't really pull the alarm until both kids were school age (5 or 6), she had more free time to drop that weight that was making her feel bad, and the sex situation didn't get any better. At that point, she seemed to realize she shouldn't be too tired for sex, the problem didn't seem to be with me (I'm staying reasonably attractive - performing well as a Dad & a husband), she was happier about her body than she'd been in a while, but she still had no sex drive. The Mirena IUD she got shortly after the birth of kid #2 seems to have been playing a part. Now she's a lot more likely to respond to my advances, and I'm a lot less likely to feel wounded when she doesn't feel up to having sex. And, with me not feeling wounded, she feels a lot less pressure to have sex when I do try to initiate which makes her a lot more likely to want to have sex. [/quote]

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