Daughter blames me for my health

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP her response was to you asking for more visits.
She visits you a lot! 4 weeks a year!!!!!!

Yeah you may die between visits. So cherish each one.

+1

[Anonymous]

If you're in your 70s, your daughter is probably 40s/50s, right? Do you remember what a busy time of life that is? It's really remarkable that your daughter can manage 4 weeks with you per year. That would be 100% of my PTO, and most people have less available time. I totally understand why you want more time, particularly if you are feeling vulnerable. But, it's probably not realistic to expect your daughter to visit you more and asking her probably makes her feel terrible. If you want more time you have to find a way to slot in to her life. Unless you are physically or financially unable to do so, go visit your daughter. Don't make her "host" you though. Be there and be a part of the family. Help out if you're able but if you're not, appreciate the chance to hang out and chat in the evening after the kids go to bed. Be there for the dinner table conversation & the getting ready in the morning & the running errands. It's amazing (though rare) when my parents who live far away do this. I would happily have them come stay much more than they do, and it's the only way we can get more time together without me completely uprooting my life. Sometimes it makes me sad that they don't do it more because they have more flexibility than I do.

I don't think your daughter is blaming you for your health or operating under the impression that you can reverse aging by walking. I think she's encouraging you to be proactive and do whatever you can to make the best of your situation.

[Anonymous]

Read the room OP. Your daughter is tired of her obligatory visits to you.

Also, stop weighing her down about your health issues. You probably only discuss that w her when she visits and speaks to you.

Are you married? Have friends? A hobby?

[Anonymous]

4 weeks?

Doesn’t seem like enough to me. My kids are 16-25, I’m 47, and I’d expect way more than that.

Tell her to get it together.

[Anonymous]

What do you do together when she visits? Is it fun to do things together?
Or do you just sit at home? Are you homebound in practice if not medically defined as such?
Make an effort. I am 75.

[Anonymous]

You need to go for a walk every day. If you had a dog, you would have to go for a walk at least twice a day. And the dog would be entertaining enough that you wouldn't be sitting around feeling bad and missing your daughter, who visits far more often than most people get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 weeks?

Doesn’t seem like enough to me. My kids are 16-25, I’m 47, and I’d expect way more than that.

Tell her to get it together.

LOL get ready to be disappointed!

Seriously, though we all had children not to create a companion or minion who would always do our bidding, We created children with the hope they would have their own lives!

You and only you are responsible for your health both physical and mental. Get off your butt and get into the world. It’s literally teeming with boomers. Start with walking and doing things with other seniors, volunteering, church, take a class or even go work at Target. Do something and stop playing little victim who..oooh I might die any minute you better cater and pamper me. The more you wallow in being an unhappy, selfish boomer the deeper you will fall. OP will also probably live another 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 weeks?

Doesn’t seem like enough to me. My kids are 16-25, I’m 47, and I’d expect way more than that.

Tell her to get it together.

Do you go visit your mom 4 full weeks a year? So people like to actually vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to go for a walk every day. If you had a dog, you would have to go for a walk at least twice a day. And the dog would be entertaining enough that you wouldn't be sitting around feeling bad and missing your daughter, who visits far more often than most people get.

Don’t get a dog at 77!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow 4 full weeks a year, that's a lot. Would you rather have shorter visits? Because she doesn't have unlimited vacation time, right?

This is the issue. A lot of people cannot take too much time off, especially if they have children and a spouse who also has aging parents who live far away.

If you want to see your DD more, you need to move closer to her.

We are in our 50s/60, and our parents live very far from us, so we don't see them that often.

Most of my siblings moved far away from our parents, except for one. She moved like 15 miles away, and our parents moved with them to be closer. They now live in the same condo complex, and it's made things so much easier for everyone.

I absolutely know that one's health deteriorates rapidly in old age, but I also know that it's not that easy to take time off to visit aging parents.

Its not any burden to you at all so saying it makes it easier for everyone is silly when you dumped all the care on your sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 weeks?

Doesn’t seem like enough to me. My kids are 16-25, I’m 47, and I’d expect way more than that.

Tell her to get it together.

Do you go visit your mom 4 full weeks a year? So people like to actually vacation.

We live very close so she’s always around but she hasn’t even hit 70 yet, so that’s very different then 77. Ops kid should spend more time wit her at 77.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow 4 full weeks a year, that's a lot. Would you rather have shorter visits? Because she doesn't have unlimited vacation time, right?

This is the issue. A lot of people cannot take too much time off, especially if they have children and a spouse who also has aging parents who live far away.

If you want to see your DD more, you need to move closer to her.

We are in our 50s/60, and our parents live very far from us, so we don't see them that often.

Most of my siblings moved far away from our parents, except for one. She moved like 15 miles away, and our parents moved with them to be closer. They now live in the same condo complex, and it's made things so much easier for everyone.

I absolutely know that one's health deteriorates rapidly in old age, but I also know that it's not that easy to take time off to visit aging parents.

Its not any burden to you at all so saying it makes it easier for everyone is silly when you dumped all the care on your sibling.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP,

My mother overcame osteoporosis in her 60a with meds and has now been downgraded to osteopenia.

It’s reversible. You should do physical therapy to do load bearing exercises in a safe way.

You’re being followed for the heart condition?

All in all, you don’t sound like you’re dying any time soon. You’ve got age -appropriate ailments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 77 and my body is starting to really decline. I have osteopenia and a heart condition and have to take a lot more medications now. I’ve been mostly healthy all my life and this year the various ailments and things going wrong have really started to ramp up. I was telling my daughter yesterday that she should visit more (we usually see each other for a week or so during the summer, another week during her birthday, a week during Thanksgiving, and then a week during Christmas and then a long time until our next visit in the spring). I just don’t like going 5-6 months without a visit at my age. She says instead that I should get out of this mindset and “just walk more and eat healthier” and I’ll live longer. It’s true, I never really exercised much in the last 30 years, but that’s not going to change anything in my late 70s. I don’t think she grasps how few years I may have left. I feel much more tired than I did even a few years ago and I can’t handle more than one activity in a day. I’m grateful to have made it this far in good health but I just feel I don’t have too much left in me. When you get to this age, you understand. I don’t think she understands, “just be healthier and live longer” doesn’t work that way.

Aging is a part of life. You love your daughter and your time may be near. There is no magic answer. Lots of folks experience loneliness toward the end of their life.

You need a friend to speak with each day & you need a bit of fresh air everyday. There should be church groups that have get togethers for seniors.

May the Lord bless you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure she's reacting to you trying to guilt her into more visits. It's manipulative.

And you really do need to keep moving. Walking is one of the best things you can do for osteopenia. I live near several 87+ year olds and they walk every day, weather permitting.

I know it's hard to not feel sad. But just sitting there watching the clock tick on your health makes it worse. Be proactive and help yourself.

Telling a family member the situation and asking for a visit is not manipulative.