Daughter blames me for my health

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to go for a walk every day. If you had a dog, you would have to go for a walk at least twice a day. And the dog would be entertaining enough that you wouldn't be sitting around feeling bad and missing your daughter, who visits far more often than most people get.

A dog is not a person.

DP. But a dog can help. I have several elderly neighbors. The ones who have them walk them. A 95 year old just lost her dog, that she walked 2x/day, is suddenly struggling. She said it's hard to make herself walk when she doesn't have to for her dog.

I'm not saying a dog is for everyone. It just can help some people who live alone.

95 is a very long life so maybe it’s time to let it go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure she's reacting to you trying to guilt her into more visits. It's manipulative.

And you really do need to keep moving. Walking is one of the best things you can do for osteopenia. I live near several 87+ year olds and they walk every day, weather permitting.

I know it's hard to not feel sad. But just sitting there watching the clock tick on your health makes it worse. Be proactive and help yourself.

Telling a family member the situation and asking for a visit is not manipulative.

The way OP wrote it, it sounds manipulative. I probably won't be here much longer and I want to see you more while I'm still here. That is basically what she is saying. That is manipulative.

Yeah, telling a family member that you're probably going to die soon and need more visits because of that at 77 is manipulative all right. Especially when nothing dramatic has happened health-wise, like a terminal cancer diagnosis.

My mother has been saying that since she was like in her 50s, so much so that when she died in her early 70s it was like what?!
Ironically she stopped saying her usual line a few years before that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If 4 weeks out of the year is not enough, you should be asking yourself why you haven’t moved closer to her.

OP doesn’t sound particularly self aware

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single parent of one child in my late 50s. I already realize that later in life I’m going to need to move near where my child ends up, or if that’s not possible move into some kind of community where there are others around and can provide assistance. The fact that OP is complaining about four weeks a year from a long-distance child shows that OP is out of touch.

You should move sooner rather than later because it’s hard for an elderly person to execute plans and change things

[Anonymous]

OP, offer to take her on a cruise or to a an all inclusive resort and pay for it. Nobody wants to spend 4 weeks a year in some god forsaken place USA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 77 and my body is starting to really decline. I have osteopenia and a heart condition and have to take a lot more medications now. I’ve been mostly healthy all my life and this year the various ailments and things going wrong have really started to ramp up. I was telling my daughter yesterday that she should visit more (we usually see each other for a week or so during the summer, another week during her birthday, a week during Thanksgiving, and then a week during Christmas and then a long time until our next visit in the spring). I just don’t like going 5-6 months without a visit at my age. She says instead that I should get out of this mindset and “just walk more and eat healthier” and I’ll live longer. It’s true, I never really exercised much in the last 30 years, but that’s not going to change anything in my late 70s. I don’t think she grasps how few years I may have left. I feel much more tired than I did even a few years ago and I can’t handle more than one activity in a day. I’m grateful to have made it this far in good health but I just feel I don’t have too much left in me. When you get to this age, you understand. I don’t think she understands, “just be healthier and live longer” doesn’t work that way.

You're not going to live forever. Why stretch it out if you're unhappy?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to share something with you because I’m likely your daughters age - I’m scared of my parents getting older and I am sad when I see them age. I’d say something like that because maybe a walk and eating healthy stops me from thinking about the inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, offer to take her on a cruise or to a an all inclusive resort and pay for it. Nobody wants to spend 4 weeks a year in some god forsaken place USA.

OP probably never came back. She certainly never said what they do together each week.

[Anonymous]

It takes a long time for some.people to see their parents as aging and vulnerable and not the domineering presence they had been. I've seen that denial over and over again in my family. I do think it's also an unwillingness to take on the change that the responsibility of an aging parent could involve. Sometimes people realize it eventually; others wait till it's too late.

I also think a lot of elderly people of this generation don't want to ask for help or be seen as weak or needy or a burden. It's great that you're willing to make the request. Be honest as you can. I hope things improve for you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP her response was to you asking for more visits.
She visits you a lot! 4 weeks a year!!!!!!

Yeah you may die between visits. So cherish each one.

Four weeks is a lot! Lots of people get only two weeks to four weeks off work a year.

We used to visit my in-laws for a week at Xmas. That was about half my vacation at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a worst place to post this type of complaint.

a "worst" place? WTH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look I am going to be blunt.
You are lucky she likes you enough to visit as much as she does.
Don't push it.
Some daughters actively dislike their mothers and never see them. Count your blessings.
Your cup is full. According to you only 3/4 full. That's better than many get.

Answer the questions: what do you do when she visits? Are you homebound?

This is cruel.

What is wrong with you? My assumption is that your family lives on an isolated compound in the desert and you expect all your kids to live in hovels on the property and to never leave you.

[Anonymous]

People are saying 4 weeks but I think it is actually 5 weeks.
1. we usually see each other for a week or so during the summer,
2. another week during her birthday,
3. a week during Thanksgiving,
4. and then a week during Christmas and then
5. a long time until our next visit in the spring

This is more than 99% of daughters are doing.

[Anonymous]

I am the daughter, married to a son. We visit my parents twice a year, and my mother in law twice a year, all for one week. That means we have 4 vacations that are family. And that's great, but it means we don't have much vacation time to do something just the 2 of us. We have done it, and we are lucky to have so much vacation time (plus I worked for a company that shut down at Christmas for 10 days for year).

4 or 5 times per year is, truly, a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a worst place to post this type of complaint.

a "worst" place? WTH.

Is that improper capitalization. WTH?