Do you schedule sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do but it’s flexible. We spend all week looking forward to it and getting into the mood!

This

[Anonymous]

What are good ways for a husband to initiate scheduled sex?

We have sex about once a month while kids are at school. But since it’s in the middle of the work day, she usually rushes it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For many years when our children were young Sunday night was always a sure thing. While we also had sex at least one other night Sunday was our night. Knowing it was our night always had me thinking about it and it really got me in the mood. I’d shower, often not alone, and the sex was always very energetic. I miss those Sundays!

Same (although it was Sunday afternoon when kids were napping). It doesn’t have to be transactional and unromantic OP. It can be fun to have a schedule- like if you had a regular Friday place you had dinner or brunch every Saturday with your BFF. Just because it is a routine doesn’t mean it is boring!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are good ways for a husband to initiate scheduled sex?

We have sex about once a month while kids are at school. But since it’s in the middle of the work day, she usually rushes it.

Figure out a way to get them all out of the house on a weekend day regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

I guess you didn’t read what I wrote. We scheduled sex to be sure to have enjoyable sex which to me ended up being most enjoyable once a week. I know that blows your mind because you believe that no sex is valid until it is exactly how/when you want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

I guess you didn’t read what I wrote. We scheduled sex to be sure to have enjoyable sex which to me ended up being most enjoyable once a week. I know that blows your mind because you believe that no sex is valid until it is exactly how/when you want it.

Notice how you response is all about how it was for you with nothing about how it was for your partner?

[Anonymous]

We both work from home and I LOVE putting "yoga" or "gym class" or emojis or something else silly on our joint calendar in the middle of the day. Sometimes it can just be chat about the day sex. It doesn't have to be that serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

I guess you didn’t read what I wrote. We scheduled sex to be sure to have enjoyable sex which to me ended up being most enjoyable once a week. I know that blows your mind because you believe that no sex is valid until it is exactly how/when you want it.

Notice how you response is all about how it was for you with nothing about how it was for your partner?

Yeah that is the point. The “high libido” partner gets very used to thinking about what he “needs” and very little about the legitimate preferences of his partner. The whole discourse is centered on him not getting as much and as that being inherently bad. That the “low libido” partner might enjoy sex very much once a week is usually considered a short coming instead of her legitimate and good preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

I guess you didn’t read what I wrote. We scheduled sex to be sure to have enjoyable sex which to me ended up being most enjoyable once a week. I know that blows your mind because you believe that no sex is valid until it is exactly how/when you want it.

Notice how you response is all about how it was for you with nothing about how it was for your partner?

Yeah that is the point. The “high libido” partner gets very used to thinking about what he “needs” and very little about the legitimate preferences of his partner. The whole discourse is centered on him not getting as much and as that being inherently bad. That the “low libido” partner might enjoy sex very much once a week is usually considered a short coming instead of her legitimate and good preference.

My god you’re threatened. No one said a schedule should be set to satisfy the higher libido partner (or that the higher libido partner is always the man). All of your responses are about you and not about trying to balance between partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

I guess you didn’t read what I wrote. We scheduled sex to be sure to have enjoyable sex which to me ended up being most enjoyable once a week. I know that blows your mind because you believe that no sex is valid until it is exactly how/when you want it.

Notice how you response is all about how it was for you with nothing about how it was for your partner?

Yeah that is the point. The “high libido” partner gets very used to thinking about what he “needs” and very little about the legitimate preferences of his partner. The whole discourse is centered on him not getting as much and as that being inherently bad. That the “low libido” partner might enjoy sex very much once a week is usually considered a short coming instead of her legitimate and good preference.

My god you’re threatened. No one said a schedule should be set to satisfy the higher libido partner (or that the higher libido partner is always the man). All of your responses are about you and not about trying to balance between partners.

Someone seems threatened and it’s not me …

My point is actually not about balance. It’s making the observation that just as the “high drive” partner has an ideal, so does the “low drive” partner. Her sexual satisfaction may be enhanced by weekly scheduled sex. And everything we can do to make sex more about ensuring the woman’s pleasure is a good thing. Instead of it being mainly about men acting like normal women are inherently sexually defective and owe them more sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

I guess you didn’t read what I wrote. We scheduled sex to be sure to have enjoyable sex which to me ended up being most enjoyable once a week. I know that blows your mind because you believe that no sex is valid until it is exactly how/when you want it.

Notice how you response is all about how it was for you with nothing about how it was for your partner?

Yeah that is the point. The “high libido” partner gets very used to thinking about what he “needs” and very little about the legitimate preferences of his partner. The whole discourse is centered on him not getting as much and as that being inherently bad. That the “low libido” partner might enjoy sex very much once a week is usually considered a short coming instead of her legitimate and good preference.

My god you’re threatened. No one said a schedule should be set to satisfy the higher libido partner (or that the higher libido partner is always the man). All of your responses are about you and not about trying to balance between partners.

Someone seems threatened and it’s not me …

My point is actually not about balance. It’s making the observation that just as the “high drive” partner has an ideal, so does the “low drive” partner. Her sexual satisfaction may be enhanced by weekly scheduled sex. And everything we can do to make sex more about ensuring the woman’s pleasure is a good thing. Instead of it being mainly about men acting like normal women are inherently sexually defective and owe them more sex.

But you’re the one stereotyping genders. There are plenty of relationships where the woman is higher drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

If the lower libido partner (which can be either if you read these boards) can’t track and stay aware of how long it’s been then they’re the problem. I think many of those partners are unaware, sex hasn’t crossed their mind, and then they are caught off guard and defensive when the other partners frustration grows.

No one decent expects sex when someone else is sick/etc. And if the lower libido partner doesn’t like a schedule then it’s fine to initiate regularly enough that the schedule isn’t necessary. What’s not fine is unilaterally shutting down sex then being surprised at the long term effects on the relationship.

Well I’ll turn the tables. “Low” libido does not mean “no libido.” It usually just means “lower than mine.” But it is still someone’s authentic and valid sex drive. so no, it is not all about the “low libido” partner tracking the days to be sure to service their “high libido” partner adequately. the “high libido” also needs to respect, value and understand the “low libido” partner’s sexuality. so yes, that means he also needs to do some counting: “she likes to have sex about once a week so I can take care of myself in between so she really enjoys herself later on.”

The most satisfying sexual phase of my life was probably the era in which we scheduled sex for Saturday afternoons while the kid napped. It turned out that weekly sex was really enjoyable for me - I saved up my drive and had 2-3 orgasms and took a nice nap. Bliss.

Sure. Compromise is important in a relationship in many areas. The thread is about scheduling sex that’s happening infrequently. I guess in theory a low libido partner could request scheduling sex to stretch out the frequency, but no one’s ever heard of that. Scheduling sex is something couples who aren’t having enough sex do.

I guess you didn’t read what I wrote. We scheduled sex to be sure to have enjoyable sex which to me ended up being most enjoyable once a week. I know that blows your mind because you believe that no sex is valid until it is exactly how/when you want it.

Notice how you response is all about how it was for you with nothing about how it was for your partner?

Yeah that is the point. The “high libido” partner gets very used to thinking about what he “needs” and very little about the legitimate preferences of his partner. The whole discourse is centered on him not getting as much and as that being inherently bad. That the “low libido” partner might enjoy sex very much once a week is usually considered a short coming instead of her legitimate and good preference.

My god you’re threatened. No one said a schedule should be set to satisfy the higher libido partner (or that the higher libido partner is always the man). All of your responses are about you and not about trying to balance between partners.

Someone seems threatened and it’s not me …

My point is actually not about balance. It’s making the observation that just as the “high drive” partner has an ideal, so does the “low drive” partner. Her sexual satisfaction may be enhanced by weekly scheduled sex. And everything we can do to make sex more about ensuring the woman’s pleasure is a good thing. Instead of it being mainly about men acting like normal women are inherently sexually defective and owe them more sex.

But you’re the one stereotyping genders. There are plenty of relationships where the woman is higher drive.

Not statistically. and as we know, the orgasm gap is a heterosexual phenomenon. It is about gender.