Do you schedule sex?

[Anonymous]

When my kids were little there was a tv show that came out like once a week that tended to make me really horny so we generally had sex after this tv show. Ended up being every Thursday. Currently I have a very relaxing yoga class once a week (yin yoga) that generally ends up in our having aex . So it’s not like a rigid sex schedule but it’s nice if you have a regular activity that tends to end up in sex. Like maybe every Friday night you have some wine or something.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

DP. I can’t imagine passing on sex because I would ideally like a longer session.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were little there was a tv show that came out like once a week that tended to make me really horny so we generally had sex after this tv show. Ended up being every Thursday. Currently I have a very relaxing yoga class once a week (yin yoga) that generally ends up in our having aex . So it’s not like a rigid sex schedule but it’s nice if you have a regular activity that tends to end up in sex. Like maybe every Friday night you have some wine or something.

What is this show?!?

[Anonymous]

Going back to the original question about scheduling - we don't strictly schedule sex, but we do try to wake up one weekend morning before the kids are awake and have sex then. Honestly, discovering weekend morning sex has been a miracle for us. We're not exhausted from the day, just a little sleepy and not ready to get out of bed yet - which works just fine! And it gets the whole day started in a good mood for both of us. It got a lot easier when the kids were old enough the wake up and entertain themselves with a book for an hour, and even easier when they turned into tweens and started sleeping all morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were little there was a tv show that came out like once a week that tended to make me really horny so we generally had sex after this tv show. Ended up being every Thursday. Currently I have a very relaxing yoga class once a week (yin yoga) that generally ends up in our having aex . So it’s not like a rigid sex schedule but it’s nice if you have a regular activity that tends to end up in sex. Like maybe every Friday night you have some wine or something.

What is this show?!?

It was called Allie McBeal and it was about a lady lawyer played by Callista Lockhart. It had a great soundtrack and lots of people having sex in cars.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

DP. I can’t imagine passing on sex because I would ideally like a longer session.

It usually takes me 20 minutes or so to go from driving carpool to wanting sex. I’m open and usually ready to go if DH and I can spend that time together. But if we only have 15 minutes before we have somewhere else to be, it’s usually a “later” from me.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

Okay. You were the one who brought up that having sex for more than 20 minutes is beyond the limits of your imagination.

And?

DP. I don’t know what that poster is on about. I’d say it’s almost a joke that long term couples know how to be efficient about it. I was even at a comedy show once and he polled the audience to make that point. This is a thread about longer term couples (who else is scheduling things?) so I don’t think your reaction was unusual.

Exactly. Thank you. Nothing wrong about being efficient. We are both happy and fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

My husband CAN’T do a quickie and I kind of wish he could. It stresses him out and he can’t finish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach your husband to jerk off.

Gross. Even more gross when married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

DP. Why are you so invested in this stranger’s sex life? Go on and life your best life. Why does that poster’s life or reaction cause you such discomfort?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.
Friday night, Saturday night and a quickie on Sunday afternoon when the kids are at a class. We obviously use common sense. No obligation if someone’s sick or menstruating. The rest of the week is usually impossible. We’re spontaneous on holidays and vacations.

Same. We’re too tired on Friday nights, but have sex on Sat and Sun mornings, sometimes again in one of those afternoons/nights. Then sometimes midweek at night or morning.

I was never a morning sex person prior to kids, but now it works best for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have never officially scheduled sex but we generally understand when we are free for it and one person asks/initiates.

Sex when you have little kids is not going to be full of romance and longing, sometimes you won’t quite be in the mood but maybe will warm up as things get going. I recommend that you get over it and sleep with your husband anyway. There are so many women in such miserable marriages here because they have to be seduced every single time their hapless husbands want sex and it turns into a spiral of resentment. Men are so simple; so what if it is transactional, life is transactional.

What a miserable life you must lead. No one I know expects to be seduced every time. Men aren't so simple but keep telling yourself that and bending over like an animal just because he wants it.