Do you schedule sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have never officially scheduled sex but we generally understand when we are free for it and one person asks/initiates.

Sex when you have little kids is not going to be full of romance and longing, sometimes you won’t quite be in the mood but maybe will warm up as things get going. I recommend that you get over it and sleep with your husband anyway. There are so many women in such miserable marriages here because they have to be seduced every single time their hapless husbands want sex and it turns into a spiral of resentment. Men are so simple; so what if it is transactional, life is transactional.

What a miserable life you must lead. No one I know expects to be seduced every time. Men aren't so simple but keep telling yourself that and bending over like an animal just because he wants it.

Sounds like PP found a way to be happy and you're the miserable one, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

You started this with criticizing me.…Why are you acting attacked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

You started this with criticizing me.…Why are you acting attacked?

Where did I criticize you? Simply saying I can't imagine something is not criticism. You continuing to womansplain to me how to have sex with my husband over and over and over again is annoying as hell. Go be happy and leave me alone.

[Anonymous]

I schedule it but when nobody else shows up at the scheduled time I just proceed on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were little there was a tv show that came out like once a week that tended to make me really horny so we generally had sex after this tv show. Ended up being every Thursday. Currently I have a very relaxing yoga class once a week (yin yoga) that generally ends up in our having aex . So it’s not like a rigid sex schedule but it’s nice if you have a regular activity that tends to end up in sex. Like maybe every Friday night you have some wine or something.

What is this show?!?

It was called Allie McBeal and it was about a lady lawyer played by Callista Lockhart. It had a great soundtrack and lots of people having sex in cars.

Great show! It's Calista Flockhart, currently married to Harrison Ford. This is one of my favorite Ally McBeal memories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

You started this with criticizing me.…Why are you acting attacked?

DP. Who cares if she was attacking you? Why do you need some kind of affirmation from a stranger on how you do sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

You started this with criticizing me.…Why are you acting attacked?

Where did I criticize you? Simply saying I can't imagine something is not criticism. You continuing to womansplain to me how to have sex with my husband over and over and over again is annoying as hell. Go be happy and leave me alone.

You said that you can’t imagine it, that it’s weird, that I have some kind of special hour long ritual, and that I put on a dog and pony show every night.

Mostly though, you keep saying that I’m attacking you or telling you how to have sex with your husband. I don’t see where I said anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

You started this with criticizing me.…Why are you acting attacked?

Where did I criticize you? Simply saying I can't imagine something is not criticism. You continuing to womansplain to me how to have sex with my husband over and over and over again is annoying as hell. Go be happy and leave me alone.

You said that you can’t imagine it, that it’s weird, that I have some kind of special hour long ritual, and that I put on a dog and pony show every night.

Mostly though, you keep saying that I’m attacking you or telling you how to have sex with your husband. I don’t see where I said anything about it.

Because you kept telling me how you do it better. So go be good at it and be happy. Please, for the love of God, just dont worry about me. Mmmkkayyyyy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I schedule it but when nobody else shows up at the scheduled time I just proceed on my own.

Scheduling generally works for us. For the most part, I initiate. My wife expects me to initiate. However, her low libido is a factor as well.

There are times when something unexpected occurs, that’s results in cancellation. Unfortunately, that often results in large gaps between intimacy, do to our busy lives, kids, etc.

When there are large gaps between being intimate, I’m tempted to ask her if she has been taking care of herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

You started this with criticizing me.…Why are you acting attacked?

Where did I criticize you? Simply saying I can't imagine something is not criticism. You continuing to womansplain to me how to have sex with my husband over and over and over again is annoying as hell. Go be happy and leave me alone.

You said that you can’t imagine it, that it’s weird, that I have some kind of special hour long ritual, and that I put on a dog and pony show every night.

Mostly though, you keep saying that I’m attacking you or telling you how to have sex with your husband. I don’t see where I said anything about it.

Because you kept telling me how you do it better. So go be good at it and be happy. Please, for the love of God, just dont worry about me. Mmmkkayyyyy

I never said that I do anything better than you. You keep telling ME that I’m weird.

I don’t know why this is driving me so crazy, but why do you keep saying that I’m attacking you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the people responding that women shouldn’t start having sex if they aren’t into it in long-term marriages?

I don’t think I ever have a genuine and enthusiastic burning desire for it until about 20 minutes in, and then I nearly always do.

One thing I will say is that if we are kissing and touching and I’m open to it, but I just can’t get turned on, then we just don’t have sex and DH is okay with that. I think most men are okay with that though. If 2-3 times a week you try to have sex, and it doesn’t work out sometimes, that’s fine. I think the issue is that people aren’t kissing or touching at all, not that they are kissing and just can’t get in the mood.

After years of marriage, 15-20 min is all we need in total. I can't imagine going for an hour.

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly no. He is in his 50s, and if he goes too long, he gets tired and loses his erection. We are both happy with the frequency and the length of every session. Perhaps you can pathologize someone else's sex life?

I’m not trying to pathologize your sex life. But I wouldn’t expect a man to maintain an erection for the entirety of a sexual encounter at any age, and definitely not at 50+. Erections wax and wane. It is very possible to get him hard again after he has spent some time focused on you.

Like I said, we are happy. No need to further examine what we do.

It’s not about what you do. It just seems like such a mundane thing to not even be able to imagine.

I get not being able to imagine having an orgy or role-playing some kind of dominatrix set-up. But you can’t even imagine having the same kind of sex you are having for 2-3 times as long? Or to imagine your husband losing his erection and getting it back again a few minutes later? This just seems like such a huge failure of imagination.

I never said he doesn’t get it back. Why do you care how long we have sex? I find it equally weird that you would need some special hour long ritual to get it on after many years of marriage. You seem very needy and high maintenance.

Again, both of us are happy. Go live out your fantasies and be marry.

I just wanted to point out that it’s possible to get excited by your spouse. Sex doesn’t have to be a quickie that takes place after you are pre-heated by something else. You can have both in a long marriage, and I think most people do.

I’m not sure why you started this whole thing with how bizarre and unimaginable it is to get turned on during sex.

And I just wanted to point out for the 4th time that I find nothing wrong with my sex life and neither does my husband. You have sex any way you want, lady. Put on a dog and pony show every time. Go all night. I couldn't care less what you do. I CAN'T IMAGINE doing the same at my house. Leave me the hell alone. If you were so fulfilled you wouldn't feel the need to lecture me.

You started this with criticizing me.…Why are you acting attacked?

Where did I criticize you? Simply saying I can't imagine something is not criticism. You continuing to womansplain to me how to have sex with my husband over and over and over again is annoying as hell. Go be happy and leave me alone.

You said that you can’t imagine it, that it’s weird, that I have some kind of special hour long ritual, and that I put on a dog and pony show every night.

Mostly though, you keep saying that I’m attacking you or telling you how to have sex with your husband. I don’t see where I said anything about it.

Because you kept telling me how you do it better. So go be good at it and be happy. Please, for the love of God, just dont worry about me. Mmmkkayyyyy

I never said that I do anything better than you. You keep telling ME that I’m weird.

I don’t know why this is driving me so crazy, but why do you keep saying that I’m attacking you?

Where did I say you were attacking me? You are the one who keeps saying that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both work from home and I LOVE putting "yoga" or "gym class" or emojis or something else silly on our joint calendar in the middle of the day. Sometimes it can just be chat about the day sex. It doesn't have to be that serious.

Thanks for sharing—great ideas. Given that my wife low libido, isn’t interested in anything beyond the most basic physical intimacy, and doesn’t think she’s ever had an orgasm, I’m wondering: is there anything you’d suggest doing differently to help increase her interest or engagement?

I don't think I have ever had an orgasm either and I don't really have much sex drive. I am happy to have sex with DH a couple times a week, just like I would be happy to give him a back rub or make him a sandwich, but it makes it hard for me when he's like, "what are you thinking about?" "what do you want to do?" or "what is your fantasy" - that puts too much pressure on me and makes me less likely to want to participate. It's not like I have this kinky fantasy I am just keeping to myself. I would rather he just kind of figure out "what to do," - he knows the positions I am most comfortable with / or I can give BJ, and I not have to be creative or come up with some way to talk dirty to him. I know it is depressing to him to think I am not "turned on" but until the past few generations, women were not expected to be as enthusiastic partners as they are now. Obviously things have gotten much better for women overall, but I do wish there wasn't that expectation that we be as "into" sex as men.

PP, have you tried a vibrator on your own?

[Anonymous]

We use Slack to schedule everything.