Do you schedule sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With spouse? No. With AP? Absolutely!

Gross

[Anonymous]

Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

[Anonymous]

Scheduled transactional sex .. No.
Prioritizing my marriage .. Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Woman here. Married 20 years, mid 40s.

We never scheduled sex per se but I will admit, I kept track mentally and made sure we always had it at least once a week.

Sometimes (during pregnancy, nursing, baby, toddler phases etc.) I was not in the mood when we started but I could always get there once we got going. And it did make a noticeable positive difference in our marriage. It “greases the wheels” so to speak, imho.

Now our kids are teens, I’m in perimenopause, my hormones are fluctuating and we’re back to spontaneously having sex e/o or every third day. Feels like a second honeymoon of sorts. I’m glad we hung in there long enough to get to this point. Feels like the promised land, in a way. Lol

[Anonymous]

Yes, the wife and I jave always scheduled sex. She’s very Type A/time sensitive and spontaneous sex is just not in her wheelhouse. Its used to bug me because it made it less fun and even when I was really in need there was no doing it then - it had to be planned at least two days out.

As I’ve gotten older luckily my sex drive has diminished somewhat as I felt like I was suffocating before. And, in hindsight, we never went more than a week without over the last 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

This is the attitude that keeps a marriage from descending into misery. Listen to this lady, op!

[Anonymous]

We scheduled it when kids were little. I was like your DH and eventually brought up how unhappy I was with our sex life (which was like 1-2x a month but often months with zero).

It sort of worked but tbh if she showed up for our 1x a week with a "get it over with" attitude, it wasn't really worth it.

My advice is that if you both want to have more sex but have trouble finding time, then scheduling it will be a win. But if the reason a couple isn't having sex is because one of the people in the marriage just has zero libido, then scheduling it isn't going to accomplish anything. Its up to the low libido partner to find out what gets him/her in the mood and to execute or tell their spouse how to help get you there.

Or don't and get divorced/cheated on and come back and be a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

I am exactly the same way.

I don’t think many married women are just spontaneously “in the mood” without any kissing or touching. DH will just spontaneously have an erection in the morning or in the shower or whatever, but I don’t really have the equivalent. Or it’s very rare anyway.
I don’t know that you have to put yourself in the mood. It’s more that you have to be willing to get into the mood with your husband.

[Anonymous]

For many years when our children were young Sunday night was always a sure thing. While we also had sex at least one other night Sunday was our night. Knowing it was our night always had me thinking about it and it really got me in the mood. I’d shower, often not alone, and the sex was always very energetic. I miss those Sundays!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With spouse? No. With AP? Absolutely!

Gross

? nothing gross about scheduling

[Anonymous]

Scheduled sex when the kids are young is a must. People critical of this need to learn about responsive desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not we have sex comes down to me (my husband ALWAYS wants sex), so if it’s been more than 3-4 days I will tell myself that we’ll have sex that evening or whatever.

I know this practice might seem archaic or antifeminist or something, but so much about my life and married life in general are just anti-erotic and I can’t just wait to be in the mood - I am rarely truly in the mood. I have sex with my husband because it’s important to him and it makes our connection stronger.

He’s good in bed and cares about my pleasure, so it’s not like he’s using me, but usually I would rather lay around like a slug than have sex so generally I am doing it for him. I usually end up enjoying myself (or at least get off lol).

This is the way. Your husband is a lucky guy.

[Anonymous]

No, the only time we might schedule it is when my three children are all doing a sleepover at my parents. Even my mother knows the schedule! The sex is great and I get to sleep until 7am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scheduled sex when the kids are young is a must. People critical of this need to learn about responsive desire.

Whatever 🙄

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course