Do you schedule sex?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I had a very active sex life until pregnancy and a baby slowed us down. My husband opened up that he is wants more sex and is willing to schedule sex to ensure we make it happen. This feels very transactional and not at all romantic or passionate. The sex has been slow these days but I don’t want to have mechanical sex or feel like I need to put myself in the mood when I’m not interested. I do want to honor my husbands needs and make sure he is satisfied and keep that spark going. My husband wants to follow a “ marriage first” approach while having kids. How do other married couples handle a decreased sex kids while having a young child or multiples, and do you put your marriage first?

[Anonymous]

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

You are. Now go back under your bridge, Karen.

[Anonymous]

We have never officially scheduled sex but we generally understand when we are free for it and one person asks/initiates.

Sex when you have little kids is not going to be full of romance and longing, sometimes you won’t quite be in the mood but maybe will warm up as things get going. I recommend that you get over it and sleep with your husband anyway. There are so many women in such miserable marriages here because they have to be seduced every single time their hapless husbands want sex and it turns into a spiral of resentment. Men are so simple; so what if it is transactional, life is transactional.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you. It's immature and inflexible to expect sex on a schedule. We go through pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, sleeplessness, perimenopause, bad work days, nights up with the babies....I mean, the list goes on. So, I need to have sex while bleeding to death just because it's Tuesday? He hasn't looked in my direction for weeks, but I need to sleep with him because it's Friday? No thanks. I want a responsive partner who understands me and loves me, regardless. He can use his hand if he can't wait. Plus- Why would my dh even want to do it if I don't want to? I'm very enthusiastic when in the mood. He knows I want to and won't ever wonder if I'm faking it. He'll never be faced with a limp, dry body that won't respond.

Schedule date nights, schedule days that you each get to sleep in, schedule anniversary trips. That brings intimacy, emotional closeness, which is what makes a strong marriage. THAT is marriage first.

[Anonymous]

I think others are being dramatic.

It’s fairly common to schedule sex and say for example, on Wednesday and Saturday you try to make it happen. Realistically, if you wait until you’re fully in the mood you’ll be waiting until the youngest kid is in elementary school.

Of course, if one of you is sick or injured sex doesn’t happen. The PP who went on a rant that even if she’s bleeding she had to have sex because it’s on the schedule sounds insane. That level of rigidity can’t be healthy.

[Anonymous]

Yes.
Friday night, Saturday night and a quickie on Sunday afternoon when the kids are at a class. We obviously use common sense. No obligation if someone’s sick or menstruating. The rest of the week is usually impossible. We’re spontaneous on holidays and vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you. It's immature and inflexible to expect sex on a schedule. We go through pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, sleeplessness, perimenopause, bad work days, nights up with the babies....I mean, the list goes on. So, I need to have sex while bleeding to death just because it's Tuesday? He hasn't looked in my direction for weeks, but I need to sleep with him because it's Friday? No thanks. I want a responsive partner who understands me and loves me, regardless. He can use his hand if he can't wait. Plus- Why would my dh even want to do it if I don't want to? I'm very enthusiastic when in the mood. He knows I want to and won't ever wonder if I'm faking it. He'll never be faced with a limp, dry body that won't respond.

Schedule date nights, schedule days that you each get to sleep in, schedule anniversary trips. That brings intimacy, emotional closeness, which is what makes a strong marriage. THAT is marriage first.

I'm very critical towards women and sometimes kind of an as**l to be honest.

I notice that women here repeatedly wish their husbands show more interest in them. I think it must be an issue in unhappy marriages because 99% of the unhappy wives here point to this issue.

[Anonymous]

We do but it’s flexible. We spend all week looking forward to it and getting into the mood!

[Anonymous]

With ES age kids, absolutely - sex on Sunday mornings while they are at religious school. Older teens, early Friday night because they are out with friends. Babies and toddlers, whenever you can fit it in, because they are on their own schedule

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman, and when I was married I absolutely wanted to schedule sex. It’s not about “it’s Tuesday so we have to have sex!”

It’s more that with kids, the schedule gets chaotic, so knowing ahead of time that you’re going to try for sex later means you can alter the schedule to get the kids to bed earlier and make sure all the chores are done.

My xH had almost zero interest in sex, however, and even when I tried to schedule it, he would intentionally take a long time to do his half of the evening routine so I’d be asleep by the time he finished. We split up for many reasons, and lack of sex was one of them.

You are also allowed to have your needs met, which means if you need things like date nights, he has to schedule those as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had a very active sex life until pregnancy and a baby slowed us down. My husband opened up that he is wants more sex and is willing to schedule sex to ensure we make it happen. This feels very transactional and not at all romantic or passionate. The sex has been slow these days but I don’t want to have mechanical sex or feel like I need to put myself in the mood when I’m not interested. I do want to honor my husbands needs and make sure he is satisfied and keep that spark going. My husband wants to follow a “ marriage first” approach while having kids. How do other married couples handle a decreased sex kids while having a young child or multiples, and do you put your marriage first?

You absolutely must put your marriage first if you want to last. Your kids will be grown and flown in 20 years and you will still have each other.

Don’t make the mistake some women do of putting their kids first.

[Anonymous]

That’s what date night is for right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you. It's immature and inflexible to expect sex on a schedule. We go through pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, sleeplessness, perimenopause, bad work days, nights up with the babies....I mean, the list goes on. So, I need to have sex while bleeding to death just because it's Tuesday? He hasn't looked in my direction for weeks, but I need to sleep with him because it's Friday? No thanks. I want a responsive partner who understands me and loves me, regardless. He can use his hand if he can't wait. Plus- Why would my dh even want to do it if I don't want to? I'm very enthusiastic when in the mood. He knows I want to and won't ever wonder if I'm faking it. He'll never be faced with a limp, dry body that won't respond.

Schedule date nights, schedule days that you each get to sleep in, schedule anniversary trips. That brings intimacy, emotional closeness, which is what makes a strong marriage. THAT is marriage first.

I'm very critical towards women and sometimes kind of an as**l to be honest.

I notice that women here repeatedly wish their husbands show more interest in them. I think it must be an issue in unhappy marriages because 99% of the unhappy wives here point to this issue.

They also often confuse their husbands as being the source of their unhappiness. The ones who get divorced are then surprised they are still unhappy

[Anonymous]

With spouse? No. With AP? Absolutely!