Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

[Anonymous]

I was left alone all day and until late at 14.
I was an only child. You get used to being your own company.
Let her pick out a dinner she wants and have the makings there or leave it in the fridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a local wedding. The actual ceremony is at 3pm, and the reception begins with cocktails at 5pm, with the couple arriving later. My husband has been asked to be in the wedding, and pictures will be taken in the time between the ceremony and the reception. DD14 has not been invited.

I’m torn about what to do. She will begrudgingly stay home for all that time (I would assume what would be from about 2:30-10pm or later) but I hate doing that to her, because she gets lonely and I was “that kid”, too.

Would you skip the wedding and just go to the reception? Or am I completely overthinking this?

What is wrong with you?

If your 14 year old can not entertain themselves you sting as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 14 year old should be able to be alone at home for the entire time under the described circumstances.

I would be concerned that your daughter is not emotionally able to be alone for 9 hours, especially when you are nearby and reachable by text.

+1. Of course a 14yo can stay home. OP is overthinking or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't even occur to me that seh wouldnt' stay home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

You need to meet with a therapist weekly to get advice about what to do next. This probably does not include sending her to a mental hospital but you do need lots of advice about how to not accommodate her, at a minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

You need to meet with a therapist weekly to get advice about what to do next. This probably does not include sending her to a mental hospital but you do need lots of advice about how to not accommodate her, at a minimum.

That's what DH and I have been doing the past couple months and the main piece of advice that she gave us is to wait it out until she's ready so we have done everything we can.

[Anonymous]

Have her go to a friend’s house. It would be very strange for you to skip a local wedding because you didn’t have childcare for your teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I have done this with my 13yo (not for a wedding, but for a good chunk of time) and she loved a day of doing what she wanted. Order your daughter's favorite restaurant for dinner and have a porch delivery (she doesn't open the door until the driver is gone). Check in once or twice. My kid FT with my mom for a bit too, and they both loved that. Have a great time at the wedding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

Is she NT? Has she had dangerous experiences?
Can she go to school, visit friends, go places with other teens?

[Anonymous]

Skip the wedding OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

You need to meet with a therapist weekly to get advice about what to do next. This probably does not include sending her to a mental hospital but you do need lots of advice about how to not accommodate her, at a minimum.

That's what DH and I have been doing the past couple months and the main piece of advice that she gave us is to wait it out until she's ready so we have done everything we can.

You need a new therapist. They are telling you the path of least resistance, but not anything to actually help your daughter grow and get over her irrational fears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

PP, I was raised to be hyper alert of dangers, but also to know what to do in case of various things and to feel empowered to do them. So when a man tossed me some candy on my walk home from elementary school, I tossed it back with a "no thanks!" When my brother and I noticed a car following us slowly, we suddenly ran in the opposite direction and went around the block to a friend's house. When I was playing catch in the driveway with a little kid I was babysitting and a stranger drove up and got out, I told the kid to go into the house and lock the door and not open it. (Turned out it was a guy from the dad's work dropping something off and they just forgot to tell me.) When I smelled a gas leak while home alone in 7th grade, I opened all the windows and promptly called a nearby friend and asked if she could send her dad over to fix it, which he did. And on and on. I handled things. And still do, and have raised my DD to be able to also.

Your therapist is not helping you to bring your daughter along to rationality.