Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Phobias are certainly common to have.

A 16 yr old should be driving and having a part time job and basically, using home as a place to sleep, shower, eat and store their stuff. They shouldn't be incapable of being home alone, or afraid of their classmates.

You can do all that and still have Phobias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

I am a mom of a now young adult with mental health issues and I say this from a place of kindness and compassion. You really need to help her move past this. You aren’t going to be around forever and able to shield her. Given that level of anxiety I’d probably be looking at medication.

[Anonymous]

Go to the wedding in separate cars. Attend the ceremony and make an appearance at the reception. DH stays since he is closer to the couple, while you head home early in the evening. Your daughter should be fine for 3-4 hours on her own.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would have my child stay home and I would call and text throughout the time I was gone. I do think you're overthinking this. She needs to learn to be independent. I would make sure she has stuff to do. Like if she was into any sort of craft, I'd buy it. Or I'd buy a new book for her.

For a 14 year old? You’d call and text multiple times?! Why? And you’d buy her crap? Let kids mature! At 14 mine has a part time job and babysits.

I text with my kids multiple times every day - initiated by all, not driven by parents. It would be totally natural for us to text about things like who’s there and what they are wearing and what food is being served and what the song is for the first dance.

And I wouldn’t buy crap. If I’m going out to do something fun, I’d want my kid also to have a good day. Not like at that age they can drive to Michael’s or CVS if they run out of supplies for a project - we’re not much of a screen family and prefer projects. And what I said I’d buy was their hobby materials or a book, not crap.

At 14, for a long period of aloneness, I’d certainly want to make sure they had thought about how to spend their day and help them plan, including food. They’re kids and new at figuring out stuff like this.

What I wouldn’t do is skip any part of the event or ask someone else to invite my kid over or anyone to stop in and check on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your husband go. If you are close with them, just go for a few hours in separate cars. Its crummy not to invite a teen.

Maybe the couple getting married doesn’t know this teen. Maybe their venue limits guests. Maybe it is for adults only. There are many reasons not to invite the daughter. It’s so strange that people think this is the solution.

[Anonymous]

My daughter babysits and she’s 13.

Cut the umbilical cord

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have my child stay home and I would call and text throughout the time I was gone. I do think you're overthinking this. She needs to learn to be independent. I would make sure she has stuff to do. Like if she was into any sort of craft, I'd buy it. Or I'd buy a new book for her.

For a 14 year old? You’d call and text multiple times?! Why? And you’d buy her crap? Let kids mature! At 14 mine has a part time job and babysits.

I text with my kids multiple times every day - initiated by all, not driven by parents. It would be totally natural for us to text about things like who’s there and what they are wearing and what food is being served and what the song is for the first dance.

And I wouldn’t buy crap. If I’m going out to do something fun, I’d want my kid also to have a good day. Not like at that age they can drive to Michael’s or CVS if they run out of supplies for a project - we’re not much of a screen family and prefer projects. And what I said I’d buy was their hobby materials or a book, not crap.

At 14, for a long period of aloneness, I’d certainly want to make sure they had thought about how to spend their day and help them plan, including food. They’re kids and new at figuring out stuff like this.

What I wouldn’t do is skip any part of the event or ask someone else to invite my kid over or anyone to stop in and check on them.

When you're at a wedding you should put your phone away and focus on being present. You can tell your kids about it when you get home. Teach them to focus on the people around them and not be on their phones. And surely they can find things to do at home without you needing to buy them things. Don't they have homework to do, a room to clean or re-organize, nails to polish, music to practice, elderly relatives who'd love to hear from them, cookies to bake, etc.? Don't teach them they need to spend money to have fun, or that they need to be having fun all the time. Being productive or a kind family member is rewarding also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

I haven't read the whole thread so I don't know what you've tried, but she needs anxiety medication and therapy. Do it now before she goes away to college and you can't help her.

Therapy and meds seem like the go to on here but I was just like her DD as a teenager and fine now. It seems like she can go out and do things but is just a little more worried but who isn't.

[Anonymous]

i just saw a documentary on youtube about a 16 year old sailing the world solo then I come on here to a question about whether a 14 year old can be alone in the house without her parents.

[Anonymous]

She should be absolutely fine for the day. She is 14! Not everything revolves around her.

[Anonymous]

I would go and use this as a way to encourage her to figure things out on her own. We had to leave my two older kids home for a long period (8ish hours) and told them if they wanted to do something other than be home they needed to talk to their friends and work it out (and then we would help coordinate).

They were 11 and 13. We did make sure there were adults on call in the neighborhood just in case, but they each had time at a friend’s house and then ordered pizza for dinner. A little different with your child since they would be totally alone, but the idea is the same. Go to the wedding, and give her a chance to decide how she wants to spend her time.

[Anonymous]

My parents would leave me in charge of my younger siblings at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

Is this OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

If you knew anything about managing/treating a kid with anxiety you'd know that this is not at all what you should be doing. Your daughter needs to learn to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and you "ensuring her safety" is just feeding her phobia.