Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

It looks like her daughter does not want help, so what should be the solution for a teen like that?

[Anonymous]

In reference to OP, mom of the 14 yr old…not the 16 yr old tangent..

Can you leave a 14 yr 9ld home alone? Of course. But would you, you if they didn’t want to be left alone for whatever reason? No I wouldn’t. Comparing this to babysitting isn’t fair. It’s not the same. I babysit starting at 12, but I would get creeped out if I was at my own house all alone in the late evenings. Not scared enough I’d refuse or put up a fuss about it, but I can see where OPs kid is coming from.

I would see if she could stay the night at a friend’s house. If not, and if she really didn’t want to be left home alone that long, I’d go to the ceremony and skip the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

It looks like her daughter does not want help, so what should be the solution for a teen like that?

I realize this is not Op…but if this 16 yr old was my kid, I’d start making some evening plans and just go. She’ll learn no one is coming to kidnap her and nothing bad has happened. She’ll get adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have my child stay home and I would call and text throughout the time I was gone. I do think you're overthinking this. She needs to learn to be independent. I would make sure she has stuff to do. Like if she was into any sort of craft, I'd buy it. Or I'd buy a new book for her.

What? Why are you calling and texting a 14 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In reference to OP, mom of the 14 yr old…not the 16 yr old tangent..

Can you leave a 14 yr 9ld home alone? Of course. But would you, you if they didn’t want to be left alone for whatever reason? No I wouldn’t. Comparing this to babysitting isn’t fair. It’s not the same. I babysit starting at 12, but I would get creeped out if I was at my own house all alone in the late evenings. Not scared enough I’d refuse or put up a fuss about it, but I can see where OPs kid is coming from.

I would see if she could stay the night at a friend’s house. If not, and if she really didn’t want to be left home alone that long, I’d go to the ceremony and skip the reception.

Looks to me like you learned at 12 how to manage discomfort and calm your fears. Time for OP’s kid to learn that also. It’s crazy that some of you feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you have to push your kids a little if they are regressive or not moving forward and managing age appropriate developmental behavior. She may still want to be a young child but she is a teen and should be encouraged to start developing some independence and skills that allow her to act like a 14 year old. Just like if your 5 year old still wants to be spoon fed or your 8 year old still wants you to dress them every day. These are things that developmentally they can and should do on their own but if you never expect that of them, then they will be reliant on you. That leaves them behind their peers developmentally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

It looks like her daughter does not want help, so what should be the solution for a teen like that?

I realize this is not Op…but if this 16 yr old was my kid, I’d start making some evening plans and just go. She’ll learn no one is coming to kidnap her and nothing bad has happened. She’ll get adjusted.

Plus 1, except I would start with baby steps and work my way up - I’d probably trying a laymen’s version of exposure therapy, or go to therapy myself to get tips. It is such a disservice to your kid to let this go on if you have any tools left, use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i just saw a documentary on youtube about a 16 year old sailing the world solo then I come on here to a question about whether a 14 year old can be alone in the house without her parents.

Both are examples of parents not doing their jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i just saw a documentary on youtube about a 16 year old sailing the world solo then I come on here to a question about whether a 14 year old can be alone in the house without her parents.

Both are examples of parents not doing their jobs.

Yes, kind of the two extremes!

[Anonymous]

She's 14, she can stay home alone all day.

[Anonymous]

You definitely go to a wedding. Try to see if she can go to a friends, but she should be fine home alone. If this is the first time leaving her, maybe go out to dinner with DH sometime before the wedding as a shorter trial run.

[Anonymous]

Do you never have plans without your kid? This question is so strange. Surely you get invited to other events where kids aren't invited. Why is a wedding any different? Most 14 year olds would be fine being left along all day.

[Anonymous]

At 14 your child should be able to stay home solo while you attend a wedding w your husband.

[Anonymous]

First of all, the people getting married set the terms for who gets invited. I've never been offended when my child was not invited and also have been on the other end where my DD was the only kid there because it was her uncle who was getting married and an adults-only wedding. In the latter case, we simply left the reception early. In the former situation, we either found a babysitter or only one of us attended the wedding. Your DD can be left home alone. Maybe give a neighbor a heads up -- for emergency purposes only. DD, 13, would likely binge watch tv, make some food for herself, and figure out how to occupy her time by reading, drawing etc. Check-in once or maybe twice and that is it.

[Anonymous]

Sure she can stay home, but if she doesn’t want to, that’s valid. 2-10pm+ is a long time to be alone if she doesn’t love it. I’d skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. Your husband is in the wedding and you’d be alone anyway for the ceremony and in between.