Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

Seriously, OP, I assume you plan to send this kid off to college in 4 years? You need to start working on independence NOW, little by little. Really, parents need to start that much earlier than 14. She will be just fine and you are in the area if something should happen. This is important for her development.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

Where did she say she had anxiety?

She is 16 and will not go outside alone because she fears being kidnapped. That is anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

Where did she say she had anxiety?

She is 16 and will not go outside alone because she fears being kidnapped. That is anxiety.

You can't really give a flat out diagnosis because you don't really know the severity of it. She could be able to take a walk outside but is worried she'll be kidnapped which sounds more like Paranoia not anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

It looks like her daughter does not want help, so what should be the solution for a teen like that?

I realize this is not Op…but if this 16 yr old was my kid, I’d start making some evening plans and just go. She’ll learn no one is coming to kidnap her and nothing bad has happened. She’ll get adjusted.

That's too harsh, don't listen to this.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are overthinking this. She can hang out at home by herself for half of one day so her parents can attend a wedding. And I’d let her know that doing so “begrudgingly” is incredibly selfish and bratty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

I would tell her she has a choice- either go to therapy, or you'll hire one of those people who dress like clowns and follow/ kidnap people for a day. She won't know when it will happen. Therapy is much better than that.

Also, 16 is a child. A child doesn't get to refuse. You are coddling her. Hire the clown.

It's hard to force any teen to do something their not comfortable with including going to therapy. At 16 she needs to consent to her own treatment not only her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous)

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

Catering to the anxiety is not helpful. You should consult a therapist for the best way to handle this. The more you make things easy for her, the harder it's going to be for her to live normally. I have a teen with anxiety and this was one of the first things we had to learn as parents.

We've tried many different therapists and they all basically said the same thing, to wait till she eventually wants the help. In the meantime, we do not try to make things easy for her, she can do most things independently, she's just really worried but she is not in those uncomfortable situations often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous)

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

Catering to the anxiety is not helpful. You should consult a therapist for the best way to handle this. The more you make things easy for her, the harder it's going to be for her to live normally. I have a teen with anxiety and this was one of the first things we had to learn as parents.

We've tried many different therapists and they all basically said the same thing, to wait till she eventually wants the help. In the meantime, we do not try to make things easy for her, she can do most things independently, she's just really worried but she is not in those uncomfortable situations often.

I'd advice you to get her into a residential program but if she's very resistant to that and will not step outside the house then I really do not what you can do. She's too big to be pulled into the car.

[Anonymous]

What does your husband think ?

[Anonymous]

I'd try to find a sleepover for her. My kid would not actually mind being home solo that long but I'd feel weird about leaving her that long.

[Anonymous]

She’s 14, are you for real? I’d tell her to make plans if she doesn’t want to be home alone.

This is why so many only children are insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your husband go. If you are close with them, just go for a few hours in separate cars. Its crummy not to invite a teen.

No, this is insane. I have teens and they would be horrified if I attempted to bring them to a wedding for adult friends of mine they didn’t really know. This is beyond boring to normal teens so it probably wouldn’t even occur to the couple to invite them bc no one who is sane thinks kids this age need childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

It looks like her daughter does not want help, so what should be the solution for a teen like that?

I realize this is not Op…but if this 16 yr old was my kid, I’d start making some evening plans and just go. She’ll learn no one is coming to kidnap her and nothing bad has happened. She’ll get adjusted.

That's too harsh, don't listen to this.

No this is actually the best advice. Exposure therapy is really the only way past this kind of anxiety. Bc once they realize that something horrible didn’t happen, they are less afraid next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

It looks like her daughter does not want help, so what should be the solution for a teen like that?

I realize this is not Op…but if this 16 yr old was my kid, I’d start making some evening plans and just go. She’ll learn no one is coming to kidnap her and nothing bad has happened. She’ll get adjusted.

That's too harsh, don't listen to this.

No this is actually the best advice. Exposure therapy is really the only way past this kind of anxiety. Bc once they realize that something horrible didn’t happen, they are less afraid next time.

But in this case her daughter does stay home alone (still afraid) but just walking outside alone is a bigger challenge. Exposure to that would cause her a lot of pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Look into SPACE treatment- for exactly what you're describing