Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a local wedding. The actual ceremony is at 3pm, and the reception begins with cocktails at 5pm, with the couple arriving later. My husband has been asked to be in the wedding, and pictures will be taken in the time between the ceremony and the reception. DD14 has not been invited.

I’m torn about what to do. She will begrudgingly stay home for all that time (I would assume what would be from about 2:30-10pm or later) but I hate doing that to her, because she gets lonely and I was “that kid”, too.

Would you skip the wedding and just go to the reception? Or am I completely overthinking this?

What is wrong with you?

If your 14 year old can not entertain themselves you sting as a parent.

dp Buzzz! Sometimes kids come the way they come and it is their temperment.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous)

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.


Catering to the anxiety is not helpful. You should consult a therapist for the best way to handle this. The more you make things easy for her, the harder it's going to be for her to live normally. I have a teen with anxiety and this was one of the first things we had to learn as parents.

[Anonymous]

This is surprising. 14 is when kids first start babysitting others. She should be capable of being home all day, but not overnight.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

I haven't read the whole thread so I don't know what you've tried, but she needs anxiety medication and therapy. Do it now before she goes away to college and you can't help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go to a wedding if my kid wasn't invited. I think it's rude for them to not invite your child.

Maybe they’ve never met the kid . Maybe it’s a small wedding. You’d be a jerk to stand on ceremony this way.

How am I the jerk if I politely decline? I wouldn't ask for an invitation. A wedding isn't a summons!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Her phobia isn't so serious that she needs to be in a hospital. We'll wait till she decides to go, until then we can't drag her into the car.

Um, yes her phobia IS this serious. She's 16 and can't be left home alone and won't leave the house alone? That's very serious. Maybe you're too acclimated to it to realize how bad this is.

She's always been hyper alert of dangers so she can be left home alone, but would be worried someone would break in or something. Luckily, there's always other people in the house so she isn't worried then but walking/being outside alone because of all the "bad" things that could happen to her is the biggest challenge for her so we just try to ensure her safety and make her feel comfortable.

Is she NT? Has she had dangerous experiences?
Can she go to school, visit friends, go places with other teens?

Yes, she's neurotypical and has not had any dangerous experiences. She goes to school but is on guard and is afraid of her classmates. She's fine going places with other teens and visiting friends as long as she's not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her go to a friend’s house. It would be very strange for you to skip a local wedding because you didn’t have childcare for your teenager.

At age 14 I had three families that Idid babysitting for.

my parents would leave us at home at age 14 if they had a social function.

Do you and your husband not have a date night once a week?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s kind of a long time, especially being alone. I don’t think it’s a safety risk but I don’t think I would have enjoyed being alone the whole time into the night. Like others said, can she go to a friend’s house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Phobias are certainly common to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go to a wedding if my kid wasn't invited. I think it's rude for them to not invite your child.

Maybe they’ve never met the kid . Maybe it’s a small wedding. You’d be a jerk to stand on ceremony this way.

How am I the jerk if I politely decline? I wouldn't ask for an invitation. A wedding isn't a summons!

You'd be the jerk to decline because your special sunshine wasn't invited. Your kids are only special to YOU, not to the whole world. Your kids should learn the world doesn't revolve around them, and their parents have their own friends and interests and social gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Have her committed to a mental hospital. You need to meet with a therapist to find out how to get her there.

Phobias are certainly common to have.

A 16 yr old should be driving and having a part time job and basically, using home as a place to sleep, shower, eat and store their stuff. They shouldn't be incapable of being home alone, or afraid of their classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

I would tell her she has a choice- either go to therapy, or you'll hire one of those people who dress like clowns and follow/ kidnap people for a day. She won't know when it will happen. Therapy is much better than that.

Also, 16 is a child. A child doesn't get to refuse. You are coddling her. Hire the clown.

How can she not refuse at 16? I'm guessing you don't have much experience with teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. It’s one day that’s not about her. Tell her to clean her room, watch Netflix and FaceTime lonely relatives. She can put other people first by age 14.

This. Unless she has special needs, she can be home alone. Heck, I used to babysit babies and toddlers when I was 12 and 13 when parents went to weddings.

[Anonymous]

I remember when my mom went to Vegas for the weekend when I was 15 or 16. I loved feeling like a grownup and cooking whatever I wanted. One night I ate cereal for dinner. Those were good times. I only wish my mother had left the car keys. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Have your husband go. If you are close with them, just go for a few hours in separate cars. Its crummy not to invite a teen.