Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I remember being in this situation as a 14 year old. I had previously stayed home for a couple hours many times and was fine. but 8+ hours is a long time. By the time it got dark (I had previously stayed home in the dark fine), I was already lonely, bored, and creating weird horror story possibilities in my head. Anyway, I survived but I do remember the first time I was home for that long being different.

I recommend some sort of plans where she gets dropped back at home before dark or a few chores for her to do, some recommended activities, etc. and tell her to save her favorite movie/show for later in the evening.

She will be fine and needs to get used to it, but it does feel like a long time the first time! And I would totally check on her once in a while. Not in a checking way but just a little text conversation of some kind.

[Anonymous]

I was babysitting my younger siblings overnight by that age. Is this a joke. Tell her to invite a friend over starting around dinner time. Leave her something to warm up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 14, she can stay home alone all day.

It's not even all day - the OP said it starts at 2pm or they'd leave at 2pm. So the kid would have the entire morning with parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was babysitting my younger siblings overnight by that age. Is this a joke. Tell her to invite a friend over starting around dinner time. Leave her something to warm up.

You do not want two 14 yr olds home alone without parents somewhere around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was babysitting my younger siblings overnight by that age. Is this a joke. Tell her to invite a friend over starting around dinner time. Leave her something to warm up.

You do not want two 14 yr olds home alone without parents somewhere around.

Seriously? They'd binge watch movies and eat donuts or play video games.

[Anonymous]

You have not answered, OP, if your dd has friends? If so, can she invite one over?

If not, then you should go to the wedding or the reception. Choose one so she is not alone for a large amount of time.

I think it’s perfectly fine to leave her but it sounds like you think she would be afraid so that is why I am suggesting just choose one of the events to cut down on time away.

I do hope you get through this so do not end up like an acquaintance who will not go out of town to leave their 23 and 26 yr olds who still live at home.

Obviously, other issues at play but certainly small things like your scenario that fed the “ nature” part of their identity. Perhaps if the nurture had been even slightly…. “Going to giant and target…do your home work as back in an hour. Going on a date night, pta mtg ..pizza ordered.” Or, any type of required uncomfortable independence it may have been slightly better?

Don’t know but have heard of similar situations. I’d say keep the big picture in mind when making decisions. You want to help her develop independence and confidence, as well as grit to handle the challenges of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Is your dd being treated for anxiety? Are you? You need to make your teens do things they are uncomfortable with in order for them to grow and become independent from you. I would leave her alone starting with small amounts of time and increasing it. By staying home you’re enabling her anxiety and telling her that she can’t handle her feelings, you’re telling her that there IS danger in her being alone (there’s not). I hope you all are working on this.

[Anonymous]

I was 12 home alone with 5 younger siblings when my mom was in the hospital giving birth for a day until our grandma came over, and we were fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 12 home alone with 5 younger siblings when my mom was in the hospital giving birth for a day until our grandma came over, and we were fine.

SEVEN children? Your poor mother's vagina!

[Anonymous]

She's 14. How is this even a question? Of course she can stay home alone for 8 hours.

If you're such a drama queen, how about you have her go over to a friend's house for some of that time? Have her schedule a sleepover or something?

[Anonymous]

I was babysitting infants when I was 14. What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

If she is afraid, hire a babysitter for her. I'm joking but not really. If you ask her and she's insulted, she's ready to stay alone. If she agrees, your problem is solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

To me it sounds like your daughter is aware of the dangers of the world as a woman and that is a good thing. She's probably a little bit more paranoid than usual but that's exactly how I am and have become an independent and successful adult. Don't treat her like she's crazy and needs fixing.

[Anonymous]

Hire a babysitter. That way you can enjoy the wedding and she won’t be alone. And then work on her independence skills as a 14 year old shouldn’t need a babysitter but since she is as of now and the wedding, still needing one, just hire one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

Where did she say she had anxiety?