Wedding—leave them home alone all day?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DD16 doesn't like being home alone so we never leave her alone but she also does not like going outside alone because of a weird kidnapping fear, so if your DD is fine with it then it's completely okay.

Your kid needs therapy, stat.

It's something we have been trying to get her to do. But she physically refuses to go.

Therapy via Zoom.

She refuses both types. We have tried taking away all types of privileges but nothing helped. We've told her she'll always be living in fear if she doesn't participate but she says she does not care and thinks its normal. We can't physically force her to do anything.

Perhaps not, but you can and should refuse to be held hostage by her untreated anxiety. She is 16 and perfectly capable of being alone, and indulging her anxiety tacitly suggests that you also think she can't handle it. You are making her anxiety worse, not better.

It looks like her daughter does not want help, so what should be the solution for a teen like that?

I realize this is not Op…but if this 16 yr old was my kid, I’d start making some evening plans and just go. She’ll learn no one is coming to kidnap her and nothing bad has happened. She’ll get adjusted.

That's too harsh, don't listen to this.

No this is actually the best advice. Exposure therapy is really the only way past this kind of anxiety. Bc once they realize that something horrible didn’t happen, they are less afraid next time.

But in this case her daughter does stay home alone (still afraid) but just walking outside alone is a bigger challenge. Exposure to that would cause her a lot of pain.

No they said they don’t really leave her home alone, but that’s less of an issue than being out alone.

And I’d do the same thing for walking outside. The key is baby steps. Walking to the mailbox. Walk to neighbors house. Had it been addressed in this manner when she was younger, it is likely it would not have progressed to her refusing to even get into the car for therapy. Since you can’t really force it now, leaving her at home at least is something she can’t control really.

I imagine her fear makes her an extremely clingy friend, I don’t know how a kid like this can even go away to college bc you aren’t going to get people to walk with you to every class.

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old would be fine but he would get kind of lonely. How local is local? If you’re just going to be hanging around watching them take pictures, would you instead be able to come home for a bit, maybe bring some food for dinner, before going to the reception?

[Anonymous]

Guys, it’s ok to be bored; it’s ok to feel lonely. Not just ok — this is a great opportunity for your kid to improvise. It’s such an important, valuable skill.

When do my kids go outside for hoops, pick up a book, write a story, pick up some old item they hadn’t thought about in a long time, like that dusty guitar? When the easy go-to activities are not available. Maybe your kids already do all that, but surely there’s other things that could apply.

Honestly, it’s a gift you can give them so easily but will stand them in good stead forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have my child stay home and I would call and text throughout the time I was gone. I do think you're overthinking this. She needs to learn to be independent. I would make sure she has stuff to do. Like if she was into any sort of craft, I'd buy it. Or I'd buy a new book for her.

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