As an adult who lived through this as a kid:
What you can’t control: How she treats them If she has kid(s) with your ex What you can hopefully control in your agreement: College expenses Estate planning. Kids need an irrevocable trust. Crucial if AP wants kids. |
Nope. What adults think of as “fun” is not necessarily what the kids think is fun. Kids are selfish and like to be fed on time and generally be the center of attention. OP, I wasn’t in your situation as the divorce was not due to an affair, but my ex husband cycled through many significant others, three in just 2024, as reported by my [now adult ] daughter. My kids liked some of these women more than the others, but I was never in competition with them. |
It depends on the situation. My husband's ex had the affair, we met years later. I'm 10 years younger and we've been married over 20 years. The bigger issue is once a cheater always a cheater and he'll probably cheat on the AP too (or she will). |
He can learn. |
If he has been a dad for eight years and hasn’t leaned how to grocery shop and prepare food it’s doubtful he will now. Not divorced but a girlfriend talked about the part where your daughter is a teenager and tells you that you are a frump compared to Debbie who loves pop music and TikTok videos about makeup. that would be rough. |
Let me correct you Cheaters who leave for their AP don’t care about the kids anyway |
Thank you for this. I’ve been focused on just being calm and present for my kids and self care etc. I have zero understanding why he did this. And you are right I probably never will. How did you go about the introspection on being drawn to someone who does this? I was so blindsided so assume there must be red flags I missed because it feels like he is a different person out of nowhere. I have always.prided myself on being independent and supporting myself and really took time to trial a lot of things with him before marriage. I did probably discount family of origin issues however. |
OP you are putting a lot of personal details out on the internet... |
Are you the AP? |
He can have groceries delivered. Most men can do far more than women say if given the chance. He'll figure it out. |
You will never understand why he did this. Divorce, move on and find someone who loves and respects you. Don't put any more effort into this marriage. |
If she has her own place, she might not be around enough to play housewife. |
They'll never love her more than they love you. |
BS. |
Oh shoot. I had assumed from all the threads on DCUM I saw on cheating there are loads of us. Is it really just 3 or 4 of us suckers and this is incredibly obvious to everyone who I am? |