Reply to AP to “Stepmom”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have minimized the AP in my mind so that she has nothing to do with my marriage or my divorce. She's just a symptom who is inheriting a person who is so damaged I almost feel sorry for her. She doesn't know what's coming. I'm sorry you have young children involved. Mine are older but it was still so painful to realize that she would inevitably become part of their lives.  If you can reframe your perspective on her it might help. Their relationship might blow up or it might last for the rest of their lives so planning for her to be a part of your kids' lives is probably prudent.

[b]I would focus on working on yourself so you can be the stable parent. Work on understanding yourself so that you can see how you ended up with the kind of person who walks out on his family for another woman because he's "in love". Give yourself a lot of grace. The stronger you are, the better a mom you can be.[/b]

I'm no longer focused on why my ex behaved as he did (and continues to behave). It doesn't matter. I have better insight into why I was drawn to a person like that. What my ex does and who he does it with isn't my concern. It's probably more helpful not to villainize her if she is going to be around your children. Try to neutralize her.  I'm in your corner and I'm sorry. I don't think any of us wanted to be in this club. [/quote]

Thank you for this. I’ve been focused on just being calm and present for my kids and self care etc. I have zero understanding why he did this. And you are right I probably never will. How did you go about the introspection on being drawn to someone who does this? I was so blindsided so assume there must be red flags I missed because it feels like he is a different person out of nowhere. I have always.prided myself on being independent and supporting myself and really took time to trial a lot of things with him before marriage. I did probably discount family of origin issues however. [/quote]

You will never understand why he did this.  Divorce, move on and find someone who loves and respects you.  Don't put any more effort into this marriage.[/quote]

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