Ranting about ex wife introducing our kids to her boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Just my 2 Cents here, It;s more harmful to the kids to pretend like everything is fine and was fine and mommy and daddy just broke up for funsies.

Kids know I knew, and though I didn't have the words for it then I had that crazy making feeling of being gaslit.

I was about he age of OP's son and I had questions I wanted answers. Especially since my parents put on a great front as perfect couple, upstanding citizens church goers etc.

Eventually it all came out, and more than the split I was angry about the lies.

Still had a relationship with my dad until he died.


So I think there is room to be honest but without being destructive .

I also think the kids need therapy so find a way to get that for the kids, OP.

Their mother is a narcissist and they are going to need all the tools in the world to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to echo the rude poster before and recommend you do a background check on the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Just my 2 Cents here, It;s more harmful to the kids to pretend like everything is fine and was fine and mommy and daddy just broke up for funsies.

Kids know I knew, and though I didn't have the words for it then I had that crazy making feeling of being gaslit.

I was about he age of OP's son and I had questions I wanted answers. Especially since my parents put on a great front as perfect couple, upstanding citizens church goers etc.

Eventually it all came out, and more than the split I was angry about the lies.

Still had a relationship with my dad until he died.


So I think there is room to be honest but without being destructive .

I also think the kids need therapy so find a way to get that for the kids, OP.

Their mother is a narcissist and they are going to need all the tools in the world to deal with it.

That sounds so awful, I'm sorry. That kind of thing is cruel at any age. People can sustain hard truths better than knowing they're being lied to, or made to feel like their intuition is off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

Molestation is a real threat with mom’s boyfriends and step-relatives

[Anonymous]

Kids, that's the guy mommy cheated with and broke up our marriage and made you divorced kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

I hate to break it to ya but she's trying to make this guy a more permanent part of her life if she's introducing him to the kids.

I am fine with that. I do not have an issue at all with her even dating her AP now. My issue is that's the guy she is introducing my kids to. I feel emasculated. I came on the Internet because I can freely express my vulnerabilities here anonymously but deep inside I am questioning things about myself. Of course I won't let her define who I am nevertheless it's a tough pill to swallow when the guy who snatched your wife will also be the guy who will be in your kids' lives.

With all the love, OP, get over it. She's your ex. If she wanted to become the neighborhood bike, she could. It has nothing to do with you. And if it weren't this guy, you'd be bent about whoever else it was. If you're questioning things about yourself, feeling emasculated, acting like a victim over "the guy who snatched your wife", do yourself a favor: go to therapy and take a long, honest look at where you screwed up your marriage.

I'm not making excuses for cheating, which is one of the lowest things a human can do. But no happy partner cheats. Wherever you went wrong is the part you have some control over, and if you want to feel better, taking control of what you can control, yourself, is the way.

Spend your energy where the ROI is solid and will benefit you/your life. And FTLOG, ignore all the posters telling you to make the details a burden on your kids. If you didn't have open conversations with them about how your sex life was good (if it was), you don't need to have open conversations with them about cheating. The truth always finds its way to the light, and how you handle this situation is about you. Keep your feelings about her actions off your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP you should make sure that the kids understand the relationship mommy had with her new man.

They could be poisoned against you. Then again you sound weak.

Pretty soon your wife won’t be the only one calling him daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

I hate to break it to ya but she's trying to make this guy a more permanent part of her life if she's introducing him to the kids.

I am fine with that. I do not have an issue at all with her even dating her AP now. My issue is that's the guy she is introducing my kids to. I feel emasculated. I came on the Internet because I can freely express my vulnerabilities here anonymously but deep inside I am questioning things about myself. Of course I won't let her define who I am nevertheless it's a tough pill to swallow when the guy who snatched your wife will also be the guy who will be in your kids' lives.

With all the love, OP, get over it. She's your ex. If she wanted to become the neighborhood bike, she could. It has nothing to do with you. And if it weren't this guy, you'd be bent about whoever else it was. If you're questioning things about yourself, feeling emasculated, acting like a victim over "the guy who snatched your wife", do yourself a favor: go to therapy and take a long, honest look at where you screwed up your marriage.

I'm not making excuses for cheating, which is one of the lowest things a human can do. But no happy partner cheats. Wherever you went wrong is the part you have some control over, and if you want to feel better, taking control of what you can control, yourself, is the way.

Spend your energy where the ROI is solid and will benefit you/your life. And FTLOG, ignore all the posters telling you to make the details a burden on your kids. If you didn't have open conversations with them about how your sex life was good (if it was), you don't need to have open conversations with them about cheating. The truth always finds its way to the light, and how you handle this situation is about you. Keep your feelings about her actions off your kids.

Found OPs ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

How is she living with the guy and hasn't met the kids yet?

She moved out while we were separated so she has been living in her own apartment for awhile. She recently moved in with the AP. The kids could have come across him at some point it's possible.butbi don't think they would have known what was happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

I hate to break it to ya but she's trying to make this guy a more permanent part of her life if she's introducing him to the kids.

I am fine with that. I do not have an issue at all with her even dating her AP now. My issue is that's the guy she is introducing my kids to. I feel emasculated. I came on the Internet because I can freely express my vulnerabilities here anonymously but deep inside I am questioning things about myself. Of course I won't let her define who I am nevertheless it's a tough pill to swallow when the guy who snatched your wife will also be the guy who will be in your kids' lives.

With all the love, OP, get over it. She's your ex. If she wanted to become the neighborhood bike, she could. It has nothing to do with you. And if it weren't this guy, you'd be bent about whoever else it was. If you're questioning things about yourself, feeling emasculated, acting like a victim over "the guy who snatched your wife", do yourself a favor: go to therapy and take a long, honest look at where you screwed up your marriage.

I'm not making excuses for cheating, which is one of the lowest things a human can do. But no happy partner cheats. Wherever you went wrong is the part you have some control over, and if you want to feel better, taking control of what you can control, yourself, is the way.

Spend your energy where the ROI is solid and will benefit you/your life. And FTLOG, ignore all the posters telling you to make the details a burden on your kids. If you didn't have open conversations with them about how your sex life was good (if it was), you don't need to have open conversations with them about cheating. The truth always finds its way to the light, and how you handle this situation is about you. Keep your feelings about her actions off your kids.

This is why I am so glad I am not married. This b***ch is trying to be passive aggressive. We see you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. You are entitled to this rant.

Thank you. I just wonder what is going to go through my kids minds as they navigate this. And I don't want to say much because in the state I am in I rather not say much. I have discussed with the ex for us to get them to see therapists even before she decides to introduce them but she went on a tirade about how they don't need therapy and that they will be fine etc

Your feelings about the AP -when I read this post all I could say was ooof, that’s rough. However you definitely need to keep it classy for the kids and maintain a good co-parenting relationship as much as possible.

Now I do disagree with ex on giving the kids an option for therapy. My parents had a very tumultuous divorce and it deeply impacted us. For me I had so much anger and feeling like I was abandoned and it impacted both the relationship with my parent that married their AP and how I formed romantic relationships when I was younger. It was also a difficult situation as a child having the space to navigate my emotions because you love your parents but at the same time you might feel hurt and unable to separate actions of a parent vs their actions as a spouse that also have an impact on the stability of the family unit. I couldn’t talk thru any of this with my parents as a child because it is such a parent/authority figure, no nuance or criticism type relationship at that age. I wish that I had the option for a neutral 3rd party. I don’t know how you can push other to to say that you want your kids to have better tools to handle situations than maybe both of you may have had and to give them the space to deal with confusion, anger, fear whatever without feeling like there are sides and they can’t love you both. I want to think/hope your ex doesn’t think they handled things the best way and as they say once you know better you do better with your kids. Giving them the tools to communicate and work thru things with a therapist is a way of doing better for your kids as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

Molestation is a real threat with mom’s boyfriends and step-relatives

You have an obligation to your daughter to protect her. Do the background check now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. You are entitled to this rant.

Thank you. I just wonder what is going to go through my kids minds as they navigate this. And I don't want to say much because in the state I am in I rather not say much. I have discussed with the ex for us to get them to see therapists even before she decides to introduce them but she went on a tirade about how they don't need therapy and that they will be fine etc

Your feelings about the AP -when I read this post all I could say was ooof, that’s rough. However you definitely need to keep it classy for the kids and maintain a good co-parenting relationship as much as possible.

Now I do disagree with ex on giving the kids an option for therapy. My parents had a very tumultuous divorce and it deeply impacted us. For me I had so much anger and feeling like I was abandoned and it impacted both the relationship with my parent that married their AP and how I formed romantic relationships when I was younger. It was also a difficult situation as a child having the space to navigate my emotions because you love your parents but at the same time you might feel hurt and unable to separate actions of a parent vs their actions as a spouse that also have an impact on the stability of the family unit. I couldn’t talk thru any of this with my parents as a child because it is such a parent/authority figure, no nuance or criticism type relationship at that age. I wish that I had the option for a neutral 3rd party. I don’t know how you can push other to to say that you want your kids to have better tools to handle situations than maybe both of you may have had and to give them the space to deal with confusion, anger, fear whatever without feeling like there are sides and they can’t love you both. I want to think/hope your ex doesn’t think they handled things the best way and as they say once you know better you do better with your kids. Giving them the tools to communicate and work thru things with a therapist is a way of doing better for your kids as a parent.

This has to be an AI.

[Anonymous]

We only know OP's side. Your kids are not young. They will be ok. Don't tell them anything about the guy.
Kids don't care what mom did or you did. They wish you hadn't had any problems, but what's done is done. Don't continue this crap. I was that kid in the middle.
I screamed my head off to my dad about him telling me about mom doing this and that. I didn't care and still don't. Both are losers. One for cheating and the other for telling me. I have my own life.
My ex shows his girlfriends to our kid all the time. He is supposed to introduce them to me first per court order. He never has. Not a big deal. I know they are not there to hurt his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

OP, the same thing happened to me, and I can 100% relate to the bolded. My ex is now married to his AP. I know you're in the throws of it, but it will get better. I still feel triggered sometimes, and when I do I can get emotional when I think about it, but it's much easier than those early does. I'm 3 years out and still working on myself, but I am happy now, and I fell triggered about 90% less these days. It was a very traumatic experience for me.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It has not been easy. I should put more efforts into my therapy sessions. I find myself worried more about our kids...