Ranting about ex wife introducing our kids to her boyfriend

[Anonymous]

It is fine to be open with your kids about your own confusion and how you're unsure to navigate the situation. Let them know you will be there for them and you guys will figure it out together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As angry as you are (and have a right to be), focus on what is best for your kids and take the high road towards the guy and tell him (and Ex) that everyone being cordial adults and a unified parenting front is the best thing for the kids. Request that he really make an effort to be kind and understanding with them, since their world is upended. In the end, the only person whom you can control in this situation is yourself, so be the best version of yourself in the moment and go rant full throttle to close friends when alone. You need to be the rock for your kids. And that karma will come back to you.

+1

Handle it with class. The kids will grow up and figure out the situation and come to their own conclusions about what happened. You’re living in the moment now with the cards you’ve been dealt. They will have their own thoughts about their mother one day.

[Anonymous]

The kids are absolutely going to find out and wind up hating mom and stepdad. She sounds like a real piece of work.

[Anonymous]

And remember, real life is different from affair life. They haven’t even been a true “public” couple outside of the for very long. The thrill will wear off and they and the kids will see what they’ve got together moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids know she cheated on you with him?

OP here. I withheld that information. In their best interest when we informed them about the divorce we said it was a joint decision.....my son though who has been usually quite when he is around her. With me he is himself but with her he is just quite. My daughter is fine like nothing new is happening which is great.

I do not understand “covering” for her in this way.
Sorry but no.
This speaks to her integrity. And as parents we need to take responsibility for our actions and accept the consequences of our mistakes and poor judgment.
Even if that means saying “mom didn’t honor our vows and we are getting a divorce.” This doesn’t mean the marriage was perfect, but the kids do need to learn that there is a right and wrong way to end a marriage. SHE should be acknowledging that she made the poor choice to stay in the marriage and cheat rather than address any issues head on—even if her decision were to leave or to “mutually end the marriage”….those are very very different from deceiving and humiliating your spouse by having an affair and then guilting him into covering for you “for the sake of the kids”
—Bull$&@$
It’s not for the sake of the kids.
It’s to save HER from looking bad and she knows it.
This isn’t about you taking the high road, OP.
It’s about you being humiliated once again and manipulated into taking the “mutual” fall so that your kids will welcome her new “boyfriend” into their lives with open hearts instead of with the disdain he deserves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I am a woman and I would support your continuing to refer to him as her affair partner (to everyone—including your kids) all the way up to the point when/if they get married.
If they could not show respect for you in your marriage, he does not deserve legitimacy or respect FROM you. Period.

That is bad for the kids. OP did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

How is she living with the guy and hasn't met the kids yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

OP, the same thing happened to me, and I can 100% relate to the bolded. My ex is now married to his AP. I know you're in the throws of it, but it will get better. I still feel triggered sometimes, and when I do I can get emotional when I think about it, but it's much easier than those early does. I'm 3 years out and still working on myself, but I am happy now, and I fell triggered about 90% less these days. It was a very traumatic experience for me.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids know she cheated on you with him?

OP here. I withheld that information. In their best interest when we informed them about the divorce we said it was a joint decision.....my son though who has been usually quite when he is around her. With me he is himself but with her he is just quite. My daughter is fine like nothing new is happening which is great.

I do not understand “covering” for her in this way.
Sorry but no.
This speaks to her integrity. And as parents we need to take responsibility for our actions and accept the consequences of our mistakes and poor judgment.
Even if that means saying “mom didn’t honor our vows and we are getting a divorce.” This doesn’t mean the marriage was perfect, but the kids do need to learn that there is a right and wrong way to end a marriage. SHE should be acknowledging that she made the poor choice to stay in the marriage and cheat rather than address any issues head on—even if her decision were to leave or to “mutually end the marriage”….those are very very different from deceiving and humiliating your spouse by having an affair and then guilting him into covering for you “for the sake of the kids”
—Bull$&@$
It’s not for the sake of the kids.
It’s to save HER from looking bad and she knows it.
This isn’t about you taking the high road, OP.
It’s about you being humiliated once again and manipulated into taking the “mutual” fall so that your kids will welcome her new “boyfriend” into their lives with open hearts instead of with the disdain he deserves.

+1
Agree with this poster.
You don’t need to be angry and nasty about it. But it is okay to insist on speaking truth.
100% sure that she is the one who convinced OP that this was in the kids best interest

[Anonymous]

This sucks but focus on making the adjustment as smoothly as you can for the kids.

Sorry you are going through this.

Keep what happened between you and your wife and this guy unmentioned. That could cause kids major issues. They don’t need to know. That would be parentification and really mess them up.

Kids should not be burdened with adult issues.

Be the best dad you can be on your time.

(-divorced woman)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

How is she living with the guy and hasn't met the kids yet?

NP but prob bc she is a real
Piece of work who decided her side piece was far more important to her than the entire family and she just moved out and left OP with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sucks but focus on making the adjustment as smoothly as you can for the kids.

Sorry you are going through this.

Keep what happened between you and your wife and this guy unmentioned. That could cause kids major issues. They don’t need to know. That would be parentification and really mess them up.

Kids should not be burdened with adult issues. D

Be the best dad you can be on your time.

(-divorced woman)

Maybe OPs ex should have thought about that before having an affair???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I am a woman and I would support your continuing to refer to him as her affair partner (to everyone—including your kids) all the way up to the point when/if they get married.
If they could not show respect for you in your marriage, he does not deserve legitimacy or respect FROM you. Period.

DP. I have been in OP's shoes and I do not think that would be helpful to the kids, esp at those ages. It really puts a lot more pressure on them in a situation where they have no options anyway. I would not do this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........

How is she living with the guy and hasn't met the kids yet?

NP but prob bc she is a real
Piece of work who decided her side piece was far more important to her than the entire family and she just moved out and left OP with the kids.

They want to play happy families and have the kids validate their rx if anything like my ex. Sucks to be you/me, OP and really sucks for the kids. Does he have kids, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sucks but focus on making the adjustment as smoothly as you can for the kids.

Sorry you are going through this.

Keep what happened between you and your wife and this guy unmentioned. That could cause kids major issues. They don’t need to know. That would be parentification and really mess them up.

Kids should not be burdened with adult issues. D

Be the best dad you can be on your time.

(-divorced woman)

Maybe OPs ex should have thought about that before having an affair???

You don’t purposefully hurt the kids after the fact. What she did is done. Two wrongs don’t make a right.