Ranting about ex wife introducing our kids to her boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best thing to do is to fight for full custody of your kids.

This is idiotic advice. PP are you a lawyer or greedy family court vendor?

OP, focus in therapy on how to process and move past your feelings of being emasculated so you can put kids first, show up to their events, etc.

Find a men's support group, it will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What provisions can I write in the Parenting Plan to avoid this situation? My almost XH wants to move in with his AP and have kid overnights almost immediately. Totally immoral. I hate him

You can't.

Get the therapy you need to accept that so you can be a rock for your kids and not make them have to manage your feelings. It's really hard, but possible. Put the kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am not a therapist and I have never been in this situation, but I would gently suggest that you rethink this....

Too many therapists normalize and try to take the stigma out of immoral events. Just leads to more selfishness and irresponsibility. Parents made a life long commitment to each other and the family. Sin is sin. Wrong is wrong. Truth is good.

I don't think that black and white kind of thinking is necessarily best for kids. You can respectfully disagree.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's easy in therapy to focus on things you can't control, that will just drive your anxiety as you ruminate. You cannot control ex or who she brings the kids around. Putting the kids first is actually focusing on processing your own feelings in therapy so it does not become something that impacts your relationship with the kids.

Focus on processing your feelings so you can be there for them and their feelings. I get you want to believe you will never be around the guy but would you really miss the school play, sports event, wedding of your kid, if it comes to that? Finding a men's group can give you role models of how to move past.

I have relatives where they all spend holidays with kids and grandkids and it's great for the children. They don't get a choice either. Both of the parents re-married. The kids don't have to be without parents for big events or shuttle around on holidays. The best thing you can do is to process and move past in a way that puts them first. It's not easy, but it is possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am not a therapist and I have never been in this situation, but I would gently suggest that you rethink this....

Too many therapists normalize and try to take the stigma out of immoral events. Just leads to more selfishness and irresponsibility. Parents made a life long commitment to each other and the family. Sin is sin. Wrong is wrong. Truth is good.

I don't think that black and white kind of thinking is necessarily best for kids. You can respectfully disagree.

Exactly. When one partner has an affair it's usually because of the other partner's failings, so you can't say it's inherently "wrong". The other partner may abuse, nag, pay too much attention to the kids, let herself go, or failed to attain the professional success he should have based on his education and family background. So being disappointed in the other partner, the person opens up his/her eyes and monkey-branches to a better situation.

IOW, if someone comes along and seduces your spouse, it wasn't meant to be.

[Anonymous]

OP I actually feel need bad for your ex wife. You could be the villain in all of this but that's irrelevant. I feel bad for your ex wife because in the real world post divorce relationships with AP do not have a good longevity. We see all the time, people divorce their spouses during the divorce proceedings the AP is there for support and back up options but as soon as reality sinks in they will quickly realize that the thrill/lust or whatever is gone. Both men and women fall into this trap. And I feel sad for your kids as well because they will yet be introduced to another guy in a few months. You are actually the one doing fine. If you are not dating good don't rush. No for real don't rush Bro the ladies will be there whenever you are ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am not a therapist and I have never been in this situation, but I would gently suggest that you rethink this....

Too many therapists normalize and try to take the stigma out of immoral events. Just leads to more selfishness and irresponsibility. Parents made a life long commitment to each other and the family. Sin is sin. Wrong is wrong. Truth is good.

I don't think that black and white kind of thinking is necessarily best for kids. You can respectfully disagree.

Exactly. When one partner has an affair it's usually because of the other partner's failings, so you can't say it's inherently "wrong". The other partner may abuse, nag, pay too much attention to the kids, let herself go, or failed to attain the professional success he should have based on his education and family background. So being disappointed in the other partner, the person opens up his/her eyes and monkey-branches to a better situation.

IOW, if someone comes along and seduces your spouse, it wasn't meant to be.

Are you serious? Some will actually fall out of love to the point of divorce because of that. Talk about pressure. Hey hon are you VP yet? You have 1 year hon or else I am gone. Now go get that VP position. GTFO

[Anonymous]

OP,— I am so so sorry. I would be so hurt and furious. And for the person who suggested affairs happen because of the loyal spouse, you are just wrong. people who cheat and lie are broken. Hurt people hurt people. I am sorry but just true and hope she gets some therapy someday, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am not a therapist and I have never been in this situation, but I would gently suggest that you rethink this....

Too many therapists normalize and try to take the stigma out of immoral events. Just leads to more selfishness and irresponsibility. Parents made a life long commitment to each other and the family. Sin is sin. Wrong is wrong. Truth is good.

I don't think that black and white kind of thinking is necessarily best for kids. You can respectfully disagree.

Exactly. When one partner has an affair it's usually because of the other partner's failings, so you can't say it's inherently "wrong". The other partner may abuse, nag, pay too much attention to the kids, let herself go, or failed to attain the professional success he should have based on his education and family background. So being disappointed in the other partner, the person opens up his/her eyes and monkey-branches to a better situation.

IOW, if someone comes along and seduces your spouse, it wasn't meant to be.

Nice way to shift blame and justify the affair. Some people just have a weak moral compass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I actually feel need bad for your ex wife. You could be the villain in all of this but that's irrelevant. I feel bad for your ex wife because in the real world post divorce relationships with AP do not have a good longevity. We see all the time, people divorce their spouses during the divorce proceedings the AP is there for support and back up options but as soon as reality sinks in they will quickly realize that the thrill/lust or whatever is gone. Both men and women fall into this trap. And I feel sad for your kids as well because they will yet be introduced to another guy in a few months. You are actually the one doing fine. If you are not dating good don't rush. No for real don't rush Bro the ladies will be there whenever you are ready.

This post right here is exactly why I hate women who post here. You are such self centered pieces of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am not a therapist and I have never been in this situation, but I would gently suggest that you rethink this....

Too many therapists normalize and try to take the stigma out of immoral events. Just leads to more selfishness and irresponsibility. Parents made a life long commitment to each other and the family. Sin is sin. Wrong is wrong. Truth is good.

I don't think that black and white kind of thinking is necessarily best for kids. You can respectfully disagree.

Exactly. When one partner has an affair it's usually because of the other partner's failings, so you can't say it's inherently "wrong". The other partner may abuse, nag, pay too much attention to the kids, let herself go, or failed to attain the professional success he should have based on his education and family background. So being disappointed in the other partner, the person opens up his/her eyes and monkey-branches to a better situation.

IOW, if someone comes along and seduces your spouse, it wasn't meant to be.

Nice way to shift blame and justify the affair. Some people just have a weak moral compass.

Agree. If you break a promise by having an affair, that is purely that your fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. You are entitled to this rant.

+1

Anyone in your shoes would feel exactly as you do OP.

After all - this is the man that caused your marriage to falter.

Life can be very unfair & this is a perfect example of that fact!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I actually feel need bad for your ex wife. You could be the villain in all of this but that's irrelevant. I feel bad for your ex wife because in the real world post divorce relationships with AP do not have a good longevity. We see all the time, people divorce their spouses during the divorce proceedings the AP is there for support and back up options but as soon as reality sinks in they will quickly realize that the thrill/lust or whatever is gone. Both men and women fall into this trap. And I feel sad for your kids as well because they will yet be introduced to another guy in a few months. You are actually the one doing fine. If you are not dating good don't rush. No for real don't rush Bro the ladies will be there whenever you are ready.

This post right here is exactly why I hate women who post here. You are such self centered pieces of shit.

To be honest this self centeredness is new. Women were not always this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I actually feel need bad for your ex wife. You could be the villain in all of this but that's irrelevant. I feel bad for your ex wife because in the real world post divorce relationships with AP do not have a good longevity. We see all the time, people divorce their spouses during the divorce proceedings the AP is there for support and back up options but as soon as reality sinks in they will quickly realize that the thrill/lust or whatever is gone. Both men and women fall into this trap. And I feel sad for your kids as well because they will yet be introduced to another guy in a few months. You are actually the one doing fine. If you are not dating good don't rush. No for real don't rush Bro the ladies will be there whenever you are ready.

This post right here is exactly why I hate women who post here. You are such self centered pieces of shit.

To be honest this self centeredness is new. Women were not always this way.

Correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. You are entitled to this rant.

+1

Anyone in your shoes would feel exactly as you do OP.

After all - this is the man that caused your marriage to falter.

Life can be very unfair & this is a perfect example of that fact!

I would make his life a living hell everytime you see him.