Does it ever work out for the women whose boyfriends don’t propose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girls I know became women in their 30s and the guys broke up with them married and had kids. One girl married later. The other women are still single 50s.

What the hell does it mean ? They were virgins into their 30s?

It means the young girly carefree 20s grew up to adult, hardworking 30s ready to start a family. Guy broke up. Deadbeat Guy married someone quickly after + kids. Some of these young women are single/childfree 50s now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

Do you have any joint assets, accounts, and beneficiaries on each other’s wills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

Do you have any joint assets, accounts, and beneficiaries on each other’s wills?

And what state is this in? In DC?, congratulations you ARE married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

What is this the 19th century? Out of wedlock? I guess it is good you didnt csll the bast#rds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

Do you have any joint assets, accounts, and beneficiaries on each other’s wills?

And what state is this in? In DC?, congratulations you ARE married.

DC doesn’t recognize these partnerships, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

Do you have any joint assets, accounts, and beneficiaries on each other’s wills?

And what state is this in? In DC?, congratulations you ARE married.

And who is a breadwinner? I could see this working only if the woman is making more and he’s taking more active role in raising kids.
Not sure why a woman otherwise would want a role of a main caretaker to kids and the household with all the related career setbacks, but without protections of a marriage

[Anonymous]

Not a good sign. These men who are fintech to date for years someone who is clear about wanting marriage and kids fall into two categories. 1) they will never get married or 2) they will not break up but if broken up with they will immediately date others and probably marry someone else within a year and have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

Do you have any joint assets, accounts, and beneficiaries on each other’s wills?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

Do you have any joint assets, accounts, and beneficiaries on each other’s wills?

Yes.

You didn't respond who is the primary breadwinner though

[Anonymous]

One couple we know started dating in college, and had a baby out of wedlock in their early 30s. They got married a couple of years later and have now been married for 10 years.

One other couple got married at 37-38 after 15 years of dating, then divorced a couple of years later. No kids together. They are both with new partners and both childless by choice.

[Anonymous]

I just found out the parents of my kid’s best friend aren’t married. They apparently got engaged 13 years ago, but then had 3 kids (12, 10 and 8) and just never got around to it. I think everyone around them assumes (like I did) that they are married. I don’t care about this one bit. I have no idea how they navigate some of the legal stuff, but they are smart so I’m sure they have a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

My dh and I dated for 8 years before we got married. At 7 years, I told him it was time to get married or move on. We were married a year later and have been happily married for 26 years. We met at 20 and moved in together 2 months before our wedding.

[Anonymous]

Grown adult couples should discuss marriage and decide if they want to or not. This ring- proposal nonsense perpetuates the stupid Disney princess thinking that the guy makes the big decisions and the gal is pathetically wide-eyed and hopeful. My now DH and I simply discussed it, we were both on board, and we went ahead and got married. 20 years going strong. I know I’m straying from the OP’s post, but this stuff makes me bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

Do you have any joint assets, accounts, and beneficiaries on each other’s wills?

Yes.

That, plus being together for 20 years in the suburbs and raising children together is essentially being married. Why not get married if you’re going to go through all the same troubles anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

If one wants marriage but the other doesn't the one that does usually grows resentful. If both are on the same page then it's not a problem.
I know many women who live with their boyfriends as a married couple, but have no interest in marriage as a legal institution. Does your friend want marriage or you're assuming she does?

She wants marriage and kids. Her family is pressuring her big time. They are younger than me so I always thought of her as like a fresh college grad but now she is approaching advanced maternal age. Her family is telling her to have a baby now.

What her family wants should be irrelevant.

Sometimes the family is pressuring because they know that’s what the woman wants and she isn’t being honest with herself. Sometimes the family is pressuring because what they want is different from what the woman wants. Hard to tell, looking in.

Family often overestimates how much they know about the desires of other family members and they end up projecting their own wants and fears into other people. I wouldn't be surprise that family pressure is a huge factor in how desperate someone is to achieve something. I can't tell you how many times my family and friends assumed I wanted things I never had any real interest in, and they pressured me by telling me that I needed to be more honest with myself. I think that family pressure is never ok unless we're talking about a life or death situation.