Does it ever work out for the women whose boyfriends don’t propose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a big difference between people who are together for 10 years and unmarried because the my are happy with their lives and don’t want kids and don’t see the need to get married and people who are together for 10 years with one wanting to get married and the other always putting it off for a year or two.

The guy is doing very well professionally. She has moved with him with no ring. They moved three years ago. I think everyone expected them to get engaged and married but it never happened. Now she is getting older. They both want kids.

I noticed you mentioned how her family wants them to get married and to have children, and now you're saying that everyone expected them to get married, which makes me wonder: why do you think these expectations others have for this couple relevant?

I am a family friend. It doesn’t matter what I think. I already said I would have left long ago. The only thing that matters is that this man has not proposed or married my friend. She wants to get married and have kids. He supposedly does one day.

Your "friend" is a damn fool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

Actually it is. You stand in front of your family and friends and exchange vows to spend the rest of your life together. You are becoming one another’s family. You are legally married.

I used to think it didn’t really matter. Now that I am older I understand the financial aspect of marriage, the status of being married. It is very different than just being a girlfriend or partner. I know in our circles, we don’t take girlfriends as serious as wives. The guys may bring a new girlfriend around every year or so. Very different when it is a wife.

Well yeah, you’re a kunt. Of course you look down on others.

Wow, you seem very upset by a not big deal comment. We are in our mid forties. We have been together for over 20 years. We have teen kids and most of our friends have been married for 10-20 years. Our colleagues are all married. The very few who are not or are divorced may being a girlfriend to a holiday party or birthday occasionally. If we never see her again because they broke up or the coworker never brings her again, we can’t get to know her. The wives we see for decades.

We see your character. And now you’re backpedaling from your original comment.

I’m not backpedaling at all. If my divorced girlfriend has a new guy, I don’t take him seriously either. I am not really interested in hanging out for someone who may only be in her life for a few months. You only have so much time.

My BIL is single. We used to meet his girlfriends over the years. Now I’m not so interested. He seems to have a serious girlfriend now. He has a few girlfriends per year.

Yaas queen! Stand in your ignorance!

What ignorance? Most of our friends and colleagues are married with children. A few are divorced. If I’m catching up with an old friend who happens to now be single and divorced and she or he is dating someone that they don’t make a big deal out of. I’m not that interested in that person they are dating. By the next time we get together comes along, they are no longer dating. This seems more like how it goes in post divorced life.

Keep digging that grave sweetheart. You being a boorish ahole isn't the flex you think it

This is a parenting forum. I have 3 kids. A lot of our socializing is with married family friends and their kids. We don’t really hang out with single childless people and their significant others. If Dh and I are double dating, which is super rare, it is usually a good friend and his wife. We do have a widower friend who had a girlfriend we have hung out with. They must have been together for a few years but we probably met and hung out with her twice. It is kind of like introducing someone to your kids. If you just started dating and it is relatively short, you don’t introduce this person to your professional colleagues or family friends.

You’re jumping around making all sorts of excuses for your nasty comment.

I’m not jumping around at all. I’m not interested in meeting a short term temporary person. Like I said, we are in our mid late forties and we hang out with mostly families.

You seem very offended for no reason. I don’t know if you are single, divorced, have a partner or maybe the person that some man didn’t bring around to family or professional events. When you become middle aged and already divorced, I don’t think these men and women are falling head over heels. If they are not that excited or serious, why would we care?

Why would anyone care what you think?

Well you seem to care calling anonymous people on the internet names for not caring.

I find myself being much more old fashioned as I get older. I used to think it wasn’t a big deal to get married. Marriage and family is everything.

The word you are looking for is judgemental.

I grew up with a very conservative and judgmental mother. I grew up in a religious family and we spent a lot of time at church. My mom used to want me to hang out with kids from good families who were academically focused. I am totally turning into my mother. I want my kids to hang out with nice kids from good families. I want my kids to marry well. I want them to value marriage and family.

Same. I don't understand all the games around marriage and dating. I think the more you hang out with people that value marriage, the more it becomes important to your children.

[Anonymous]

Being together for x years when you started dating in 20’s but still married before 30 is totally different than being together for even a shorter time when women hit 30. IF they want children. This guy obviously doesn’t want to marry her. So does she want children more or to date him? At 34 it’s a very tough place to be as fertility is declining fast and she needs to hit the dating market again.

[Anonymous]

My friend has been with her partner for 13 years. He wants to get married she doesn't. She doesn't see the need to be married which is surprising. He pays all the bills, just bought a huge house with an orchard in California. She stays home with their pets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend has been with her partner for 13 years. He wants to get married she doesn't. She doesn't see the need to be married which is surprising. He pays all the bills, just bought a huge house with an orchard in California. She stays home with their pets.

So she is unemployed and unmarried to a man who has 100% financial control over her life and the roof over her head. That is not smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know one guy who has done with this two women now.

His las gf, they bought a house together, were dating 10 years, she found out he was cheating the entire last year of their relationship. They had to sell the house at a loss just to gfto of there.

He's now dating someone younger, who says she doesn't want kids (apparently he doesnt either). I think it's been like 5 years now, no ring. He doesnt seem to think of her in day to day things. for ex he got a buy out on his work vehicle for $5k. His gf just bought a new car for $20k. They didnt even consider selling her car to buy his work car and save her money. Funny story, my husband bought it, but still, he was not thinking of her at all. She's still young so I'm not sure if she will change her stance on kids, but if she's happy with no kids, maybe he will turn out. If she changes her mind, I'm afraid she will be stuck with a dead end =/

You think people don’t act like this when married? All kinds of people “trade up” after a few years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

I know a handful of people in these situations but I think that’s different than what the post is about.

[Anonymous]

I would state I'm going off birth control, pronto. If she wants a baby (with or without his involvement)

but years ago, she should have said, "I want to be married to you but if you don't want to be married, I need to be dating others." And mean it. And not be living with him any longer.
That has been done and it has resulted in marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It works fine for people who are both fine with not getting married, esp if they don't want kids. It doesn't work when a 34yo is "not ready" to marry someone he's been with for 15 years. That's crazy.

+1 that's exactly right

[Anonymous]

My friend was in a situation like this. At least 7 years into a relationship with the guy and very much into him. He seemed not as into her (in my opinion). In fact, he went to buy a house and didn't want to put her on the deed. She ended up having an "oops" baby with him and they ended up having another baby a bit after. Don't think they ever got married. She now holds the power in the relationship and calls the shots more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend was in a situation like this. At least 7 years into a relationship with the guy and very much into him. He seemed not as into her (in my opinion). In fact, he went to buy a house and didn't want to put her on the deed. She ended up having an "oops" baby with him and they ended up having another baby a bit after. Don't think they ever got married. She now holds the power in the relationship and calls the shots more.

that sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend was in a situation like this. At least 7 years into a relationship with the guy and very much into him. He seemed not as into her (in my opinion). In fact, he went to buy a house and didn't want to put her on the deed. She ended up having an "oops" baby with him and they ended up having another baby a bit after. Don't think they ever got married. She now holds the power in the relationship and calls the shots more.

I know someone who trapped a guy like this. She was far more into him than he was into her. She got pregnant and had a baby. Then they had another one. They never got married but they live together with two kids.

[Anonymous]

The guy has two kids with this woman but is even less into her than before they had the kids. She still wants him to marry her and he doesn’t want to, just like before they had the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend was in a situation like this. At least 7 years into a relationship with the guy and very much into him. He seemed not as into her (in my opinion). In fact, he went to buy a house and didn't want to put her on the deed. She ended up having an "oops" baby with him and they ended up having another baby a bit after. Don't think they ever got married. She now holds the power in the relationship and calls the shots more.

I know someone who trapped a guy like this. She was far more into him than he was into her. She got pregnant and had a baby. Then they had another one. They never got married but they live together with two kids.

Sad that he never learned that men can also take responsibility for procreating or not! And he didn’t learn TWICE!

Ffs, enough with the “she trapped him”. They’re not married - what’s keeping him? Everyone is saying that marriage is the only reason to stay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Staying together long term without getting married is fine until god forbid someone dies. And then you never know what may happen next with the relatives or the deceased. All of a sudden their elderly parents or sibling swoop in and declare they are entitled to the son’s or brother’s savings account and other property, and the girlfriend of 25 years isn’t “because they never married.” So if you care about someone but don’t believe in the institution at least look out for their best interest. People get weird when there’s money at stake.

I mean you obviously get your estate in order. Everyone should do that not just people in relationships.