Does it ever work out for the women whose boyfriends don’t propose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 20 years, unmarried. He did eventually propose around year 12 but honestly by that point it just seemed moot to me. We have a daughter, and all the trappings of a typical suburban family. Most people new in our lives don’t even know we’re not married and those who have been our friends for ages don’t care.

Now, marriage wasn’t a big deal to me. I had an abusive husband before my now partner, my mother was a serial marry-er, and I know a lot of people with failed marriages. In my heart, I know that marriage doesn’t equate to “forever” or happily ever after. In that, someone may believe the opposite and that’s okay. For us, I know we are both here because we want to be, day after day, even when it gets hard. Neither of us *have* to stay (although obviously with a child that’s a little different of an equation).

This is my exact situation except we have been together 11 years now.

Are you guys OK with all of his money going to your kids instead of you when he dies? Or is there a will?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

Actually it is. You stand in front of your family and friends and exchange vows to spend the rest of your life together. You are becoming one another’s family. You are legally married.

I used to think it didn’t really matter. Now that I am older I understand the financial aspect of marriage, the status of being married. It is very different than just being a girlfriend or partner. I know in our circles, we don’t take girlfriends as serious as wives. The guys may bring a new girlfriend around every year or so. Very different when it is a wife.

Well yeah, you’re a kunt. Of course you look down on others.

Wow, you seem very upset by a not big deal comment. We are in our mid forties. We have been together for over 20 years. We have teen kids and most of our friends have been married for 10-20 years. Our colleagues are all married. The very few who are not or are divorced may being a girlfriend to a holiday party or birthday occasionally. If we never see her again because they broke up or the coworker never brings her again, we can’t get to know her. The wives we see for decades.

We see your character. And now you’re backpedaling from your original comment.

I’m not backpedaling at all. If my divorced girlfriend has a new guy, I don’t take him seriously either. I am not really interested in hanging out for someone who may only be in her life for a few months. You only have so much time.

My BIL is single. We used to meet his girlfriends over the years. Now I’m not so interested. He seems to have a serious girlfriend now. He has a few girlfriends per year.

Yaas queen! Stand in your ignorance!

What ignorance? Most of our friends and colleagues are married with children. A few are divorced. If I’m catching up with an old friend who happens to now be single and divorced and she or he is dating someone that they don’t make a big deal out of. I’m not that interested in that person they are dating. By the next time we get together comes along, they are no longer dating. This seems more like how it goes in post divorced life.

Keep digging that grave sweetheart. You being a boorish ahole isn't the flex you think it

This is a parenting forum. I have 3 kids. A lot of our socializing is with married family friends and their kids. We don’t really hang out with single childless people and their significant others. If Dh and I are double dating, which is super rare, it is usually a good friend and his wife. We do have a widower friend who had a girlfriend we have hung out with. They must have been together for a few years but we probably met and hung out with her twice. It is kind of like introducing someone to your kids. If you just started dating and it is relatively short, you don’t introduce this person to your professional colleagues or family friends.

You’re jumping around making all sorts of excuses for your nasty comment.

I’m not jumping around at all. I’m not interested in meeting a short term temporary person. Like I said, we are in our mid late forties and we hang out with mostly families.

You seem very offended for no reason. I don’t know if you are single, divorced, have a partner or maybe the person that some man didn’t bring around to family or professional events. When you become middle aged and already divorced, I don’t think these men and women are falling head over heels. If they are not that excited or serious, why would we care?

Why would anyone care what you think?

Well you seem to care calling anonymous people on the internet names for not caring.

I find myself being much more old fashioned as I get older. I used to think it wasn’t a big deal to get married. Marriage and family is everything.

The word you are looking for is judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grown adult couples should discuss marriage and decide if they want to or not. This ring- proposal nonsense perpetuates the stupid Disney princess thinking that the guy makes the big decisions and the gal is pathetically wide-eyed and hopeful. My now DH and I simply discussed it, we were both on board, and we went ahead and got married. 20 years going strong. I know I’m straying from the OP’s post, but this stuff makes me bonkers.

Same. DH and I discussed on the 2nd or 3rd date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

Actually it is. You stand in front of your family and friends and exchange vows to spend the rest of your life together. You are becoming one another’s family. You are legally married.

I used to think it didn’t really matter. Now that I am older I understand the financial aspect of marriage, the status of being married. It is very different than just being a girlfriend or partner. I know in our circles, we don’t take girlfriends as serious as wives. The guys may bring a new girlfriend around every year or so. Very different when it is a wife.

Well yeah, you’re a kunt. Of course you look down on others.

Wow, you seem very upset by a not big deal comment. We are in our mid forties. We have been together for over 20 years. We have teen kids and most of our friends have been married for 10-20 years. Our colleagues are all married. The very few who are not or are divorced may being a girlfriend to a holiday party or birthday occasionally. If we never see her again because they broke up or the coworker never brings her again, we can’t get to know her. The wives we see for decades.

We see your character. And now you’re backpedaling from your original comment.

I’m not backpedaling at all. If my divorced girlfriend has a new guy, I don’t take him seriously either. I am not really interested in hanging out for someone who may only be in her life for a few months. You only have so much time.

My BIL is single. We used to meet his girlfriends over the years. Now I’m not so interested. He seems to have a serious girlfriend now. He has a few girlfriends per year.

Yaas queen! Stand in your ignorance!

What ignorance? Most of our friends and colleagues are married with children. A few are divorced. If I’m catching up with an old friend who happens to now be single and divorced and she or he is dating someone that they don’t make a big deal out of. I’m not that interested in that person they are dating. By the next time we get together comes along, they are no longer dating. This seems more like how it goes in post divorced life.

Keep digging that grave sweetheart. You being a boorish ahole isn't the flex you think it

This is a parenting forum. I have 3 kids. A lot of our socializing is with married family friends and their kids. We don’t really hang out with single childless people and their significant others. If Dh and I are double dating, which is super rare, it is usually a good friend and his wife. We do have a widower friend who had a girlfriend we have hung out with. They must have been together for a few years but we probably met and hung out with her twice. It is kind of like introducing someone to your kids. If you just started dating and it is relatively short, you don’t introduce this person to your professional colleagues or family friends.

You’re jumping around making all sorts of excuses for your nasty comment.

I’m not jumping around at all. I’m not interested in meeting a short term temporary person. Like I said, we are in our mid late forties and we hang out with mostly families.

You seem very offended for no reason. I don’t know if you are single, divorced, have a partner or maybe the person that some man didn’t bring around to family or professional events. When you become middle aged and already divorced, I don’t think these men and women are falling head over heels. If they are not that excited or serious, why would we care?

Why would anyone care what you think?

Well you seem to care calling anonymous people on the internet names for not caring.

I find myself being much more old fashioned as I get older. I used to think it wasn’t a big deal to get married. Marriage and family is everything.

The word you are looking for is judgemental.

I grew up with a very conservative and judgmental mother. I grew up in a religious family and we spent a lot of time at church. My mom used to want me to hang out with kids from good families who were academically focused. I am totally turning into my mother. I want my kids to hang out with nice kids from good families. I want my kids to marry well. I want them to value marriage and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

Actually it is. You stand in front of your family and friends and exchange vows to spend the rest of your life together. You are becoming one another’s family. You are legally married.

I used to think it didn’t really matter. Now that I am older I understand the financial aspect of marriage, the status of being married. It is very different than just being a girlfriend or partner. I know in our circles, we don’t take girlfriends as serious as wives. The guys may bring a new girlfriend around every year or so. Very different when it is a wife.

Lol

Yup usually with your boyfriend behind your back while he’s saying you won’t be around next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

This has not ended well for any women I’ve known who wanted marriage/kids.

I know a couple women who were in very long term relationships before getting married or, in one case, having kids but they were genuinely not interested in marriage/kids for a very long time. They were not “waiting for a ring” in any way and were driving the course of the relationship alongside their partners.

Very different than being in a relationship where one person wants marriage and the other person does not want that level of commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

Actually it is. You stand in front of your family and friends and exchange vows to spend the rest of your life together. You are becoming one another’s family. You are legally married.

I used to think it didn’t really matter. Now that I am older I understand the financial aspect of marriage, the status of being married. It is very different than just being a girlfriend or partner. I know in our circles, we don’t take girlfriends as serious as wives. The guys may bring a new girlfriend around every year or so. Very different when it is a wife.

Well yeah, you’re a kunt. Of course you look down on others.

Wow, you seem very upset by a not big deal comment. We are in our mid forties. We have been together for over 20 years. We have teen kids and most of our friends have been married for 10-20 years. Our colleagues are all married. The very few who are not or are divorced may being a girlfriend to a holiday party or birthday occasionally. If we never see her again because they broke up or the coworker never brings her again, we can’t get to know her. The wives we see for decades.

We see your character. And now you’re backpedaling from your original comment.

I’m not backpedaling at all. If my divorced girlfriend has a new guy, I don’t take him seriously either. I am not really interested in hanging out for someone who may only be in her life for a few months. You only have so much time.

My BIL is single. We used to meet his girlfriends over the years. Now I’m not so interested. He seems to have a serious girlfriend now. He has a few girlfriends per year.

Yaas queen! Stand in your ignorance!

What ignorance? Most of our friends and colleagues are married with children. A few are divorced. If I’m catching up with an old friend who happens to now be single and divorced and she or he is dating someone that they don’t make a big deal out of. I’m not that interested in that person they are dating. By the next time we get together comes along, they are no longer dating. This seems more like how it goes in post divorced life.

Keep digging that grave sweetheart. You being a boorish ahole isn't the flex you think it

This is a parenting forum. I have 3 kids. A lot of our socializing is with married family friends and their kids. We don’t really hang out with single childless people and their significant others. If Dh and I are double dating, which is super rare, it is usually a good friend and his wife. We do have a widower friend who had a girlfriend we have hung out with. They must have been together for a few years but we probably met and hung out with her twice. It is kind of like introducing someone to your kids. If you just started dating and it is relatively short, you don’t introduce this person to your professional colleagues or family friends.

You’re jumping around making all sorts of excuses for your nasty comment.

I’m not jumping around at all. I’m not interested in meeting a short term temporary person. Like I said, we are in our mid late forties and we hang out with mostly families.

You seem very offended for no reason. I don’t know if you are single, divorced, have a partner or maybe the person that some man didn’t bring around to family or professional events. When you become middle aged and already divorced, I don’t think these men and women are falling head over heels. If they are not that excited or serious, why would we care?

Why would anyone care what you think?

Well you seem to care calling anonymous people on the internet names for not caring.

I find myself being much more old fashioned as I get older. I used to think it wasn’t a big deal to get married. Marriage and family is everything.

The word you are looking for is judgemental.

I grew up with a very conservative and judgmental mother. I grew up in a religious family and we spent a lot of time at church. My mom used to want me to hang out with kids from good families who were academically focused. I am totally turning into my mother. I want my kids to hang out with nice kids from good families. I want my kids to marry well. I want them to value marriage and family.

You can spit it however you want you are judgemental and bigoted. Congrats I'm sure you've secured your place in heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

This has not ended well for any women I’ve known who wanted marriage/kids.

I know a couple women who were in very long term relationships before getting married or, in one case, having kids but they were genuinely not interested in marriage/kids for a very long time. They were not “waiting for a ring” in any way and were driving the course of the relationship alongside their partners.

Very different than being in a relationship where one person wants marriage and the other person does not want that level of commitment.

Yeah people generally aren't happy when they give u on the stuff the want.. Real groundbreaking stuff here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

This has not ended well for any women I’ve known who wanted marriage/kids.

I know a couple women who were in very long term relationships before getting married or, in one case, having kids but they were genuinely not interested in marriage/kids for a very long time. They were not “waiting for a ring” in any way and were driving the course of the relationship alongside their partners.

Very different than being in a relationship where one person wants marriage and the other person does not want that level of commitment.

Yeah people generally aren't happy when they give u on the stuff the want.. Real groundbreaking stuff here.

You would think and hope that it’s that cut and dry but I’ve seen many women stay in these kind of relationships much longer than they should.

[Anonymous]

It works fine for people who are both fine with not getting married, esp if they don't want kids. It doesn't work when a 34yo is "not ready" to marry someone he's been with for 15 years. That's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

This has not ended well for any women I’ve known who wanted marriage/kids.

I know a couple women who were in very long term relationships before getting married or, in one case, having kids but they were genuinely not interested in marriage/kids for a very long time. They were not “waiting for a ring” in any way and were driving the course of the relationship alongside their partners.

Very different than being in a relationship where one person wants marriage and the other person does not want that level of commitment.

Yeah people generally aren't happy when they give u on the stuff the want.. Real groundbreaking stuff here.

You would think and hope that it’s that cut and dry but I’ve seen many women stay in these kind of relationships much longer than they should.

Still not groundbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It works fine for people who are both fine with not getting married, esp if they don't want kids. It doesn't work when a 34yo is "not ready" to marry someone he's been with for 15 years. That's crazy.

That's just OP''s interpretation. I highly suspect OP is the infamous poster who makes these types of threads from time to time, but I digress. OP and the other friends and family need to MYOB and not assume they know what these people want and what exactly is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

They are just not that into you, OP. It honestly may be him, not you. Time to move on, take control of you r own life, and look for options that will actually work long term. Why do women in this are have so much trouble with this basic concept?

Have some self respect!

[Anonymous]

Ladies: know how his parents interacted - really know. If his parents had a shyt one way relationship, RUN.

If his parents actually liked each other, that is a start. If they warm, considerate and not selfish, that is a good start.

If his mom paid attention to her kids, and did not sit in front of the t.v., checked out, selfish, inward, lazy, ignoring the kids, "doing the crossword" (ie: comics), on the phone, picking her teeth, that is a better start. Oh, TMI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies: know how his parents interacted - really know. If his parents had a shyt one way relationship, RUN.

If his parents actually liked each other, that is a start. If they warm, considerate and not selfish, that is a good start.

If his mom paid attention to her kids, and did not sit in front of the t.v., checked out, selfish, inward, lazy, ignoring the kids, "doing the crossword" (ie: comics), on the phone, picking her teeth, that is a better start. Oh, TMI?

And attentive (2nd paragraph).