Does it ever work out for the women whose boyfriends don’t propose?

[Anonymous]

Staying together long term without getting married is fine until god forbid someone dies. And then you never know what may happen next with the relatives or the deceased. All of a sudden their elderly parents or sibling swoop in and declare they are entitled to the son’s or brother’s savings account and other property, and the girlfriend of 25 years isn’t “because they never married.” So if you care about someone but don’t believe in the institution at least look out for their best interest. People get weird when there’s money at stake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grown adult couples should discuss marriage and decide if they want to or not. This ring- proposal nonsense perpetuates the stupid Disney princess thinking that the guy makes the big decisions and the gal is pathetically wide-eyed and hopeful. My now DH and I simply discussed it, we were both on board, and we went ahead and got married. 20 years going strong. I know I’m straying from the OP’s post, but this stuff makes me bonkers.

Right? We spend an inordinate amount of time talking about the sexual objectification of women, but this essentially a form of objectification as well. The woman is just assumed to want marriage and the man gets to pick her up when he sees it fit. We never see this sort of heated discussions pitying men whose girlfriends might not be interested in marriage because we don't define men by whether women want to marry them or not.

[Anonymous]

No, doesn't work out, unless he is ok having kids without getting married. And that even if fairly rare.

[Anonymous]

"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girls I know became women in their 30s and the guys broke up with them married and had kids. One girl married later. The other women are still single 50s.

Wow. This is what’s happening to my friends right now as we speak. A bestie just lost her bf of 7 years and he’s getting married to some woman he cheated on her with. She thought he was going to change and start treating her better. But she was just a 7 year plaything

Yeah, well, that's a separate issue, married or not... and it never happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a big difference between people who are together for 10 years and unmarried because the my are happy with their lives and don’t want kids and don’t see the need to get married and people who are together for 10 years with one wanting to get married and the other always putting it off for a year or two.

The guy is doing very well professionally. She has moved with him with no ring. They moved three years ago. I think everyone expected them to get engaged and married but it never happened. Now she is getting older. They both want kids.

I noticed you mentioned how her family wants them to get married and to have children, and now you're saying that everyone expected them to get married, which makes me wonder: why do you think these expectations others have for this couple relevant?

I am a family friend. It doesn’t matter what I think. I already said I would have left long ago. The only thing that matters is that this man has not proposed or married my friend. She wants to get married and have kids. He supposedly does one day.

He needs to “shi$ or get off the pot.”

Both crass and outdated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

It probably doesn't work out in the vast majority of cases, but a close HS friend is in one of these relationships. She and her partner are now in their 50's and have a home and life together. No kids, but I don't think my friend ever wanted kids - lots of childhood trauma.

I honestly wonder if he wasn't always looking for something better and she hung around long enough. I have no idea what happens if he or she ends up with health issues or the like. Hopefully they are solid enough that they'd take care of each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over a decade. They met in college and are now 34. The boyfriend claims he loves her but is not ready for marriage. I personally would have left long ago. They have lived together for 10 years and basically act like a married couple except they are not married.

Does it ever work out for women who never get the ring?

Do they eventually leave? Have kids out of wedlock?

If one wants marriage but the other doesn't the one that does usually grows resentful. If both are on the same page then it's not a problem.
I know many women who live with their boyfriends as a married couple, but have no interest in marriage as a legal institution. Does your friend want marriage or you're assuming she does?

She wants marriage and kids. Her family is pressuring her big time. They are younger than me so I always thought of her as like a fresh college grad but now she is approaching advanced maternal age. Her family is telling her to have a baby now.

The best time for her to leave was when she hit 29 or 30. The next best time is now. This is a dead end for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

Op here. Everyone in our circles with kids are married. Of course there are single parents and divorced parents who we don’t know their dating history but everyone we socialize with are married.

I honestly can’t think of anyone I know who just had a baby alone. We know a few people who got pregnant and got married. Some were conceived during engagement. One was a whoops and they had a shotgun wedding.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who began dating when we were in college. They have never married and we are now in early 40s. They live in Brooklyn in a sort of suspended adolescence. They are very involved with nieces and nephews, but i have no idea why they never married. It’s sort of beyond my understanding and they act like a married couple. She’s very pretty btw and he’s sort of a goofus (but he comes from a well off family).

I have no idea what would happen if one of my them died. She’s very intertwined with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don't want kids so youe rambling short-term thinking is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

Actually it is. You stand in front of your family and friends and exchange vows to spend the rest of your life together. You are becoming one another’s family. You are legally married.

I used to think it didn’t really matter. Now that I am older I understand the financial aspect of marriage, the status of being married. It is very different than just being a girlfriend or partner. I know in our circles, we don’t take girlfriends as serious as wives. The guys may bring a new girlfriend around every year or so. Very different when it is a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"out of wedlock" lol. What is this, 1958?

My DH and I were together for 14 years before we got married. He was divorced (no kids, and no big terrible story -- just figured out they wanted different lives) and just didn't feel the need to do it again. I didn't feel strongly about it one way or the other. At some point we changed our minds and got married, just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. We lived together for about 10 years before getting married, and 5 of them were in a house we bought together. We don't have kids.

It's 2024. People aren't feeling the need to have the state rubber-stamp their relationship.

You don’t have kids so you can’t understand a person who wants to have kids. Most women would want a commitment from the man.

Honestly, is marriage “a commitment” these days any more than cohabitation?

Actually it is. You stand in front of your family and friends and exchange vows to spend the rest of your life together. You are becoming one another’s family. You are legally married.

I used to think it didn’t really matter. Now that I am older I understand the financial aspect of marriage, the status of being married. It is very different than just being a girlfriend or partner. I know in our circles, we don’t take girlfriends as serious as wives. The guys may bring a new girlfriend around every year or so. Very different when it is a wife.

Lol