New girlfriend is blocking access to my best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bigger issue is that he's in recovery and she's a partier (drugs/alcohol regularly). If he wants to remain on the sober road, he needs a partner who is - at most - only an occasional drinker (i.e., has a glass of champagne at a wedding or special dinner).

She sounds very young and immature. Is there a big age gap? By what you've said I'm guessing she is mid 20s and your friend is in his 30s.

Sounds like OP. Sock puppeting is boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bigger issue is that he's in recovery and she's a partier (drugs/alcohol regularly). If he wants to remain on the sober road, he needs a partner who is - at most - only an occasional drinker (i.e., has a glass of champagne at a wedding or special dinner).

She sounds very young and immature. Is there a big age gap? By what you've said I'm guessing she is mid 20s and your friend is in his 30s.

Sounds like OP. Sock puppeting is boring.

OP here. We are all mid-30s. She’s older than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bigger issue is that he's in recovery and she's a partier (drugs/alcohol regularly). If he wants to remain on the sober road, he needs a partner who is - at most - only an occasional drinker (i.e., has a glass of champagne at a wedding or special dinner).

She sounds very young and immature. Is there a big age gap? By what you've said I'm guessing she is mid 20s and your friend is in his 30s.

Sounds like OP. Sock puppeting is boring.

I'm not OP. Just calling balls and strikes. Apparently I was wrong about the age!

-Oracle of DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]Bigger issue is that he's in recovery and she's a partier (drugs/alcohol regularly)[/b]. If he wants to remain on the sober road, he needs a partner who is - at most - only an occasional drinker (i.e., has a glass of champagne at a wedding or special dinner).

She sounds very young and immature. Is there a big age gap? By what you've said I'm guessing she is mid 20s and your friend is in his 30s.

He's choosing to be with a partier. His choice. SHe's not immature for think her boyfriend should have boundaries with an ex girlfriend/bestie especially one who thinks it's appropriate to tell him to dump her and compare their attractiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

OP, if I were you’d I’d maybe reflect on why you just spent most of this post, to entire strangers, explaining why you’re so much better for him than she is. You don’t drink, you’re more attractive, etc.

You’re married. Let him find love or break up your own marriage to chase this train. But you don’t get both.

I’m assuming part of the reason your husband doesn’t mind this guy when his GF hates you, is that friend has never sent text messages telling you to break up with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOLOLOL you're fighting over a junkie's attention.

You text him multiple times a day, think you're hotter than his new girlfriend, tell him to break up with her, and are shocked, SHOCKED that she doesn't want you in his pocket? You're all very immature but it's at least entertaining to read about.

I'm personally impressed that OP appears clueless as to how she comes off. I'm unsure if this lack of self-awareness means the post is fake.

[Anonymous]

Leave him alone for now. He will figure it out. He is in charge of his life, not you.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you brought up your attractiveness compared to her makes your motivation seem very suspicious.

It’s not up to you and nothing you can do about it other than focus on your own marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think the gf is right to be concerned about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

OP, if I were you’d I’d maybe reflect on why you just spent most of this post, to entire strangers, explaining why you’re so much better for him than she is. You don’t drink, you’re more attractive, etc.

You’re married. Let him find love or break up your own marriage to chase this train. But you don’t get both.

I’m assuming part of the reason your husband doesn’t mind this guy when his GF hates you, is that friend has never sent text messages telling you to break up with your DH.

I surmise that OP has likely not told her DH all the specifics and details - things 'conveniently' left out. I'm guessing this was framed to her DH as a completely innocent, very casual connection to an 'old' ex. I am guessing that if DH knew the full truth and the extent and depth of OP's connection to her ex-BF, her DH would not be perfectly ok with it. but that's just me and my $0.02

[Anonymous]

The girlfriend isn’t insecure if op is sending texts telling her ex to break up with her. She may be bad news, though op’s dig about her looks was just mean. OP, you either want to f**ck him or own him, or both.
Your ex wouldn’t have cut you off if you were nice. He’d not have quit the side activity if you’d been nice. Why weren’t you?
You have a husband and your ex got out of the way enough so you could do that. Why won’t you do the same?
If you do want him in your life, be best friends with the girlfriend. Text her instead of him and if you do text him, group text. Praise her. Treat her like you are privileged to know her. If you want to praise the boyfriend all you need to do is say “You’ve got the best guy around, if he gives you any problems, tell me and I’ll kick his ass for you”. Why aren't you doing that?
Good for the girlfriend for having proof of how nasty you are and for the boyfriend for taking it seriously. I can see why you want him back despite what you say because it’s obvious that you do. I bet you would cheat if you could.
My husband had a group of friends that took one look at me and despised me. They commented on my looks and told me he’d cheat on me and sure enough, the one time I wasn’t there, rumors started that he’d cheated. He hadn’t. It nearly broke us up.
My husband says his biggest regret is not protecting me, he could have cut off the lot of them, he should have cut off the lot of them, and he eventually did do that. My problem was unlike you, I couldn’t prove what was going on, lots of s**** can happen in a girls’ huddle or a ladies’ room that the boys don’t know about or wouldn’t understand if they did.
Your ex knows exactly what you are capable of and is keeping you away as he should. You once shared his bed, you decided you no longer wanted to share his bed for whatever reason, the only thing you get to say about any other girlfriend is “she’s lovely and beautiful”. You aren’t his mom or sister, and even those women have limits. My husband’s sister wasn’t my fan when we met, we get along fine now and she’s actually given me some good insight into her brother. He’s got female friends I get along with just fine, many of them have known him way before I did. None of this bothers me.
Stop behaving as you are, be extra nice to the girlfriend, realize it may take a long time for her to trust you based on *your* behavior, and basically, treat her the way you’d want your husband treated.. assuming you love your husband. Sounds like you don’t. With all your time spent with your ex, I have no idea how you have time to be good to your husband. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for two men op, anybody who has had an affair or known someone who has will tell you that.
I’m also doubting your version that she’s into drugs. You could make tea with a nun sound unseemly. If she is as into drugs as you say, and your ex used to be a drug user, newsflash, he’s still a drug user. He probably enjoys the drugs and concerts as much as she does because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be dating her. Either it’s harmless think weed at a Dead show or it’s really bad. Either way, he’s allowed to do it. What by the way is a nice girl like you who doesn’t do drugs hanging out with a guy who did and probably still does? The drugs whatever they are aren’t your real concern. If they were, you’d be staying away from him and enjoying your husband who probably isn’t as fine with your affair partner as you think, because let’s face it, you are having an emotional affair with this boyfriend. Soon enough it will become physical, I can guarantee you.

[Anonymous]

OMG, you're dramatic and inappropriate. He's your ex and I don't know why your DH is cool with this weird attachment you have to this ex. The fact that you compared your looks to her is very telling and you totally overstepped by telling him to dump her. I would have issued the same ultimatum to him or stopped dealing with him altogether.

[Anonymous]

The fact that OP had a husband but is more concerned with an ex boyfriends new girlfriend is very telling. OP please leave this man and his relationship alone and worry about yourself and your husband. You still have feelings and no you do t get to have your cake and eat it to. If I were your husband reading this post I’d file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the gf is right to be concerned about you.

+1

[Anonymous]

I dont understand why women who dont like women best friends, date men with women best friends. Like if youre allergic to cats, dont date someone with cats and then expect them to euthanize them for you.

It's inappropriate for her to try and control his friendships. She sounds insecure and obnoxious.