New girlfriend is blocking access to my best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff discussed this thread in the blog and noted that OP did not sock puppet. Just FYI.

Sounds like jeff sussed out and deleted one of the Troll’s IP addresses used for 20+ fake original post threads.

Well done.

But the trolling has been so dilutive to DCUM, in many ways. Not even mildly entertaining anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

It isn't up to you!!! It shouldn't be up to the girlfriend, but your friend has to make that decision for himself.

FWIW, your attractiveness really has nothing to do with it. It is about her insecurity. And his, if he thinks that this is what he's supposed to do.

OP here. He wants to stay in contact with me. He’s worried that if he breaks up with her, he will have lost his emotional support network. I’ve been his emergency contact for years, and I’ve helped him out a lot. He attended my family’s Christmas and we bought him a lot of gifts. So this just doesn’t seem fair to me.

Okay, so if he isn't in contact with you, then that was his choice. He's an adult. He isn't being blocked from your access by the girlfriend -- there are no handcuffs involved, and he isn't duct-taped to a radiator. She might be issuing ultimatums, but if he accedes to them, it's because he made the choice between you and her.

You don't win that fight. You can leave the door open to reconnect, but your wants and desires about him do not trump his decisions as an autonomous adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a life, you toxic heifer. You’re feuding with the new girlfriend because she sees right through you.

😂

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. The girlfriend eventually dropped her allegations that he and I were having an affair or an emotional affair (we hadn’t even met up once in nearly a year) and said we could be friends again. She said she wants to be friends with me now, and he said he told her how important it was to have the support of his best friend (who he thought was me).

Unfortunately, months of hurt took a toll on me and I declined the opportunity to remain friends with him. He excitedly asked if he and I could meet up to apply for jobs together (we are both looking for new jobs) and I ended up absolutely livid. I probably overreacted because he was really excited to see me, but I had had enough. Anyways, I’m pretty sad about how it ended. He and I had been best friends for 7 years, and it only took a few months into a new romance to end it. The experience was bringing me down and I no longer feel like I have any emotional support obligations to him. Anyways, just an update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. The girlfriend eventually dropped her allegations that he and I were having an affair or an emotional affair (we hadn’t even met up once in nearly a year) and said we could be friends again. She said she wants to be friends with me now, and he said he told her how important it was to have the support of his best friend (who he thought was me).

Unfortunately, months of hurt took a toll on me and I declined the opportunity to remain friends with him. He excitedly asked if he and I could meet up to apply for jobs together (we are both looking for new jobs) and I ended up absolutely livid. I probably overreacted because he was really excited to see me, but I had had enough. Anyways, I’m pretty sad about how it ended. He and I had been best friends for 7 years, and it only took a few months into a new romance to end it. The experience was bringing me down and I no longer feel like I have any emotional support obligations to him. Anyways, just an update.

OP here. He also asked if he could return to our shared activity, and I declined. We’ve moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a life, you toxic heifer. You’re feuding with the new girlfriend because she sees right through you.

😂

I fell out when I read this comment .. Ehhhh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The biggest question, is what does he want? He's the one that needs to make the choice. Not you.