New girlfriend is blocking access to my best friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand why women who dont like women best friends, date men with women best friends. Like if youre allergic to cats, dont date someone with cats and then expect them to euthanize them for you.

It's inappropriate for her to try and control his friendships. She sounds insecure and obnoxious.

OP, give it up. You are in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: The girlfriend isn’t insecure if op is sending texts telling her ex to break up with her. She may be bad news, though op’s dig about her looks was just mean. OP, you either want to f**ck him or own him, or both.
Your ex wouldn’t have cut you off if you were nice. He’d not have quit the side activity if you’d been nice. Why weren’t you?
You have a husband and your ex got out of the way enough so you could do that. Why won’t you do the same?
If you do want him in your life, be best friends with the girlfriend. Text her instead of him and if you do text him, group text. Praise her. Treat her like you are privileged to know her. If you want to praise the boyfriend all you need to do is say “You’ve got the best guy around, if he gives you any problems, tell me and I’ll kick his ass for you”. Why aren't you doing that?
Good for the girlfriend for having proof of how nasty you are and for the boyfriend for taking it seriously. I can see why you want him back despite what you say because it’s obvious that you do. I bet you would cheat if you could.
My husband had a group of friends that took one look at me and despised me. They commented on my looks and told me he’d cheat on me and sure enough, the one time I wasn’t there, rumors started that he’d cheated. He hadn’t. It nearly broke us up.
My husband says his biggest regret is not protecting me, he could have cut off the lot of them, he should have cut off the lot of them, and he eventually did do that. My problem was unlike you, I couldn’t prove what was going on, lots of s**** can happen in a girls’ huddle or a ladies’ room that the boys don’t know about or wouldn’t understand if they did.
Your ex knows exactly what you are capable of and is keeping you away as he should. You once shared his bed, you decided you no longer wanted to share his bed for whatever reason, the only thing you get to say about any other girlfriend is “she’s lovely and beautiful”. You aren’t his mom or sister, and even those women have limits. My husband’s sister wasn’t my fan when we met, we get along fine now and she’s actually given me some good insight into her brother. He’s got female friends I get along with just fine, many of them have known him way before I did. None of this bothers me.
Stop behaving as you are, be extra nice to the girlfriend, realize it may take a long time for her to trust you based on *your* behavior, and basically, treat her the way you’d want your husband treated.. assuming you love your husband. Sounds like you don’t. With all your time spent with your ex, I have no idea how you have time to be good to your husband. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for two men op, anybody who has had an affair or known someone who has will tell you that.
I’m also doubting your version that she’s into drugs. You could make tea with a nun sound unseemly. If she is as into drugs as you say, and your ex used to be a drug user, newsflash, he’s still a drug user. He probably enjoys the drugs and concerts as much as she does because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be dating her. Either it’s harmless think weed at a Dead show or it’s really bad. Either way, he’s allowed to do it. What by the way is a nice girl like you who doesn’t do drugs hanging out with a guy who did and probably still does? The drugs whatever they are aren’t your real concern. If they were, you’d be staying away from him and enjoying your husband who probably isn’t as fine with your affair partner as you think, because let’s face it, you are having an emotional affair with this boyfriend. Soon enough it will become physical, I can guarantee you.

Riiiiiiiight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand why women who dont like women best friends, date men with women best friends. Like if youre allergic to cats, dont date someone with cats and then expect them to euthanize them for you.

It's inappropriate for her to try and control his friendships. She sounds insecure and obnoxious.

OP, give it up. You are in the wrong.

I'm not OP. Just someone who doesnt agree with new partners trying to change the person they choose to date.

[Anonymous]

He has to choose. But he doesn't sound like a prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

It isn't up to you!!! It shouldn't be up to the girlfriend, but your friend has to make that decision for himself.

FWIW, your attractiveness really has nothing to do with it. It is about her insecurity. And his, if he thinks that this is what he's supposed to do.

OP here. He wants to stay in contact with me. He’s worried that if he breaks up with her, he will have lost his emotional support network. I’ve been his emergency contact for years, and I’ve helped him out a lot. He attended my family’s Christmas and we bought him a lot of gifts. So this just doesn’t seem fair to me.

It’s sounds like he’s still vulnerable and she is not a good fit for him but ultimately it is his decision how he handles this; it’s not up to you, no matter how unwilling you are to break contact.

The comment about being more attractive rubbed be the wrong way; there is an air of possessiveness in your posts. This guy needs to be able to stand on his own two feet. But I agree with you that she might be a threat to his sobriety. Ultimately it’s up to him; he’s not a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

It isn't up to you!!! It shouldn't be up to the girlfriend, but your friend has to make that decision for himself.

FWIW, your attractiveness really has nothing to do with it. It is about her insecurity. And his, if he thinks that this is what he's supposed to do.

OP here. He wants to stay in contact with me. He’s worried that if he breaks up with her, he will have lost his emotional support network. I’ve been his emergency contact for years, and I’ve helped him out a lot. He attended my family’s Christmas and we bought him a lot of gifts. So this just doesn’t seem fair to me.

It’s sounds like he’s still vulnerable and she is not a good fit for him but ultimately it is his decision how he handles this; it’s not up to you, no matter how unwilling you are to break contact.

The comment about being more attractive rubbed be the wrong way; there is an air of possessiveness in your posts. This guy needs to be able to stand on his own two feet. But I agree with you that she might be a threat to his sobriety. Ultimately it’s up to him; he’s not a child.

If that was the reason for encouraging him to break up with her I can understand it.

Op he has to manage his own relationships, and his sobriety is his responsibility. Did he go to AA, does he have a sponsor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

It isn't up to you!!! It shouldn't be up to the girlfriend, but your friend has to make that decision for himself.

FWIW, your attractiveness really has nothing to do with it. It is about her insecurity. And his, if he thinks that this is what he's supposed to do.

OP here. He wants to stay in contact with me. He’s worried that if he breaks up with her, he will have lost his emotional support network. I’ve been his emergency contact for years, and I’ve helped him out a lot. He attended my family’s Christmas and we bought him a lot of gifts. So this just doesn’t seem fair to me.

It’s sounds like he’s still vulnerable and she is not a good fit for him but ultimately it is his decision how he handles this; it’s not up to you, no matter how unwilling you are to break contact.

The comment about being more attractive rubbed be the wrong way; there is an air of possessiveness in your posts. This guy needs to be able to stand on his own two feet. But I agree with you that she might be a threat to his sobriety. Ultimately it’s up to him; he’s not a child.

If that was the reason for encouraging him to break up with her I can understand it.

Op he has to manage his own relationships, and his sobriety is his responsibility. Did he go to AA, does he have a sponsor?

OP here. He was in outpatient rehab when he met her and dropped out of the program before completion. She also uses illegal substances recreationally. That’s why I think she’s a bad influence. But I’ll stay out of it. Just hoping this doesn’t cause him to undo all of the progress he has made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand why women who dont like women best friends, date men with women best friends. Like if youre allergic to cats, dont date someone with cats and then expect them to euthanize them for you.

It's inappropriate for her to try and control his friendships. She sounds insecure and obnoxious.

This. Why is she reading his texts? It's not as if OP told her what she thinks, she told her friend. If this were another woman and the OP was concerned that her sober female BFF was suddenly dating a party animal, nobody on here would be giving OP a ration of crap over it.

[Anonymous]

OP if he dropped out of outpt rehab and is dating someone he met there (who uses), he’s already undone his progress.

Addicts will break your heart. But this is his road to walk. Agree with above PPs to focus on your own life and marriage.

[Anonymous]

He made his choice. It's not you. Deal with it.

In the future don't try to put yourself between your guy friend and his girlfriend/ wife it will seldom end with you still in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

It isn't up to you!!! It shouldn't be up to the girlfriend, but your friend has to make that decision for himself.

FWIW, your attractiveness really has nothing to do with it. It is about her insecurity. And his, if he thinks that this is what he's supposed to do.

OP here. He wants to stay in contact with me. He’s worried that if he breaks up with her, he will have lost his emotional support network. I’ve been his emergency contact for years, and I’ve helped him out a lot. He attended my family’s Christmas and we bought him a lot of gifts. So this just doesn’t seem fair to me.

It’s sounds like he’s still vulnerable and she is not a good fit for him but ultimately it is his decision how he handles this; it’s not up to you, no matter how unwilling you are to break contact.

The comment about being more attractive rubbed be the wrong way; there is an air of possessiveness in your posts. This guy needs to be able to stand on his own two feet. But I agree with you that she might be a threat to his sobriety. Ultimately it’s up to him; he’s not a child.

It's exactly what it is. Op can't have him and nobody else can.

[Anonymous]

The good news for you is that this is 100% up to him, not to you. If he decides to respect his girlfriend's wishes, then you're out. If he breaks up with her, then you're not. YOU have no say in this, even though it impacts you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big issue. My once-boyfriend but now longtime best friend is dating someone new. He and I had dated for 2 years, but broke up over his drug use and mood swings (he went to rehab after we broke up). We’ve been best friends over the past several years, and generally talk multiple times a day. I’m married and my spouse is fine with this.

My friend started dating a new woman 2 months ago who determined that I am a threat, and accused him of planning on cheating on her with me. Apparently there was some drama surrounding hanging out with her ex-boyfriend as well. She and I are completely different. She does recreational drugs, parties, goes to concerts/music festivals, while I don’t drink, use drugs, or party. There’s no way either my friend or I would cheat.

Apparently she went through his text messages (there were texts I sent to him telling him to break up with her because she is a bad influence), and is claiming she will break up with him if he talks to me again. Apparently they have been having fights relating to trust (yet they’ve only been dating for 2 months).

We also work on a side activity together, which we’ve worked together on for years. His sudden departure from our team left me with challenges for overseeing that activity. I know he was really proud to be involved (was showing her our successes on an early date).

FWIW, I’m way more attractive than she is and have known him for years so I guess she sees me as a threat. But I want my best friend back and am not willing to go no contact with him. Advice?

It isn't up to you!!! It shouldn't be up to the girlfriend, but your friend has to make that decision for himself.

FWIW, your attractiveness really has nothing to do with it. It is about her insecurity. And his, if he thinks that this is what he's supposed to do.

OP here. He wants to stay in contact with me. He’s worried that if he breaks up with her, he will have lost his emotional support network. I’ve been his emergency contact for years, and I’ve helped him out a lot. He attended my family’s Christmas and we bought him a lot of gifts. So this just doesn’t seem fair to me.

The woman he's been dating for two months and fighting with is his emotional support network?

[Anonymous]

OP, you should write a FB post about how SOME people’s best friends pick really bad people to date.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should report him to the police for some sort of DUI, just to get him sober since obviously his health is so important to you.