Not attractive enough for the men I am attracted to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want what every woman wants: a good man with a sense of direction and a financially successful. A good heart and good values.

I know when I spot them but they do not even see me. I know why, I am not conventionally attractive. I know the kind of women they want. Feminine, attractive, put together but also down to earth.

I believe i have the character traits but my face and body do not signal my worthiness.

Do I just lower my standards? I can't seem to know how to downgrade!

So you're a 5 who wants to date a 10?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really difficult to tell. What exactly is wrong with your appearance? Is your face not cute? Are you fat? Or too thin? There’s not a lot of details here.

Most men will go for anything with a vagina, so that’s why I’m not understanding.

I have an ugly face. Large crooked nose, odd face shape.

My body is thin but not toned.

You again! Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Join a gym. Start treadmill incline walking. Go to the sauna. If you seriously want to change things about your body, get an evaluation from a plastic surgeon. There's a lot of noninvasive and more affordable treatments now. Save up.

Use a calorie counter to track every single item you eat and drink for 2 weeks. Eliminate all junky/processed foods from your diet and up the water, vegetables, fruit and lean protein (tofu, beans, occasional chicken and tuna). Up healthy fats like Almonds, Walnuts, Pistachios. When you feel hungry, drink an 8oz glass of water, wait 5 minutes and re-evaluate if you are hungry or not. Keep calorie tracking until it becomes an ingrained habit.

Stop drinking alcohol. Drink sparkling water with citrus or cucumber or rose water. Never drink empty calories (frappuccinos, soda, diet soda). Add hydration tablets to your water.

Wear makeup. Lots of options and price points. Save money by buying less expensive brands and put the savings to a fabulous hair cut and color and hair treatments (this can run $300 a month and up). It will be worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really difficult to tell. What exactly is wrong with your appearance? Is your face not cute? Are you fat? Or too thin? There’s not a lot of details here.

Most men will go for anything with a vagina, so that’s why I’m not understanding.

I have an ugly face. Large crooked nose, odd face shape.

My body is thin but not toned.

You can get a nose job. But most importantly, you need to work on your self-confidence. This will make you more able to pursue men you want. Sometimes it's the woman who needs to chase, and that's perfectly fine too.

The women must always chase.

Women should NEVER chase. That kills the fun for the men, number 1. And number 2, it shows you are desperate. One should always remain a bit mysterious, distanced, aloof and very desirable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in college with thinning hair and a big nose on an unattractive face, but she did have a nice body. Men always pursued her and I remember always being surprised.

Play up what you’ve got. Wear makeup. Dress well. Standup straight. Get some hobbies and fun things to talk about.

A nice figure is 90% of the battle.

Yes. I’ve seen this over and over. Confidence and fun is sexy.

[Anonymous]

Do you give guys you aren't attracted to a chance? I wasn't attracted to my husband when we first met but on the first date that changed real quick.

And I'm sure you can up your attractiveness. You're right, it doesn't have anything to do with your worth, but making yourself a little more put-together will probably boost your confidence independent of being attractive to men. I have been married for 16 years and DGAF how attractive I am but I always feel better when I have my nails painted, wear flattering, nice clothes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really difficult to tell. What exactly is wrong with your appearance? Is your face not cute? Are you fat? Or too thin? There’s not a lot of details here.

Most men will go for anything with a vagina, so that’s why I’m not understanding.

I have an ugly face. Large crooked nose, odd face shape.

My body is thin but not toned.

You can get a nose job. But most importantly, you need to work on your self-confidence. This will make you more able to pursue men you want. Sometimes it's the woman who needs to chase, and that's perfectly fine too.

The women must always chase.

Women should NEVER chase. That kills the fun for the men, number 1. And number 2, it shows you are desperate. One should always remain a bit mysterious, distanced, aloof and very desirable.

I agree with everything except being aloof and distanced. When you are with a guy who you like, act like you like him! Unless you are the hottest of the hottest women, men need (and deserve) some encouragement. Just don't make yourself too available/willing to drop everything the guy. Have enough respect for yourself to not let any random guy into your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Join a gym. Start treadmill incline walking. Go to the sauna. If you seriously want to change things about your body, get an evaluation from a plastic surgeon. There's a lot of noninvasive and more affordable treatments now. Save up.

Use a calorie counter to track every single item you eat and drink for 2 weeks. Eliminate all junky/processed foods from your diet and up the water, vegetables, fruit and lean protein (tofu, beans, occasional chicken and tuna). Up healthy fats like Almonds, Walnuts, Pistachios. When you feel hungry, drink an 8oz glass of water, wait 5 minutes and re-evaluate if you are hungry or not. Keep calorie tracking until it becomes an ingrained habit.

Stop drinking alcohol. Drink sparkling water with citrus or cucumber or rose water. Never drink empty calories (frappuccinos, soda, diet soda). Add hydration tablets to your water.

Wear makeup. Lots of options and price points. Save money by buying less expensive brands and put the savings to a fabulous hair cut and color and hair treatments (this can run $300 a month and up). It will be worth it.

(How will the sauna improve appearance?)

[Anonymous]

You're overestimating the importance of appearance, at least for men of the type you'd want to be interested in you. The exception is weight - being overweight is a singificant handicap because that is usually interpreted (rightly or wrongly) as reflecting a character weakness. In your case, that's a non-issue, but you lack confidence in the value of the non-physical attributes you may possess which men usually find attractive, e.g., intelligence, education, a demonstrable interest in being healthy, professional accomplishment, dressing with at least some care, being at least a little adventurous, good conversational skills, and other non-gender-specific traits which are usually perceived as reflecting an attractive personality.

[Anonymous]

If you're using apps to date, well, stop. They're all about appearance and how soon people can get into bed. Yes, there are unicorns out there seeking actual relationships, but many of those still are focused only on giving chances to people who tick certain boxes re: looks. OP, if you are relying on online dating, you're always going to feel you don't have the "right" looks because looks is THE initial criterion there.

Instead: Do things YOU actually like and want to do, get involved with organizations of people who share those values you claim you want, volunteer, participate, join stuff. Do it because you would anyway, and because you value the idea of book club or volunteer group or church or hiking club or whatever. Your actual personality and interests will come through there. Sure, it takes longer than a quick online dating hookup, but the quality difference is vast. Better to take longer and find someone who knew you as a person first, than to put yourself out there knowing it's looks alone (separated from any real knowledge of you as a person) that potential dates see first. Source? Me and DH, my best friend and her fiance, my sister-in-law and her great new BF....all met through community engagement, volunteering or organziations we were in.

I know you're getting a lot of specific advice about looks, surgery, working out, and that's all OK but be sure, before you go under the knife, that you're not seeing flaws that aren't as bad as you believe them to be. And think about whether you'd want to grow old together with a man who valued looks so much you'd possibly need to keep up the hair dye, cosmetic surgery, etc. as you and he aged, even if it wasn't advisable....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're overestimating the importance of appearance, at least for men of the type you'd want to be interested in you. The exception is weight - being overweight is a singificant handicap because that is usually interpreted (rightly or wrongly) as reflecting a character weakness. In your case, that's a non-issue, but you lack confidence in the value of the non-physical attributes you may possess which men usually find attractive, e.g., intelligence, education, a demonstrable interest in being healthy, professional accomplishment, dressing with at least some care, being at least a little adventurous, good conversational skills, and other non-gender-specific traits which are usually perceived as reflecting an attractive personality.

+1

OP, before you make any physical alterations, please consider talking to a counselor about why you consider your own looks unattractive. Yes, you may have a huge nose or whatever and be objectively not what society deems pretty. But is there more going on with your being so down on yourself? Worth unpacking and being sure it's only about, say, a nose, and not about how you were treated for your looks when younger or whatever.

I am not saying "it's all in your head" by any means, OP, I'm just saying, heed the PP above, and then consider if the issue is really more about low self-confidence and devaluing yourself than it is about your looks.

[Anonymous]

Op, then you obviously have an inflated opinion about yourself.

Adjust

[Anonymous]

80 20 rule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want what every woman wants: a good man with a sense of direction and a financially successful. A good heart and good values.

I know when I spot them but they do not even see me. I know why, I am not conventionally attractive. I know the kind of women they want. Feminine, attractive, put together but also down to earth.

I believe i have the character traits but my face and body do not signal my worthiness.

Do I just lower my standards? I can't seem to know how to downgrade!

There are lots of men who feel the same. I wonder why such people don't go for each other? Hundred percent of men want top 10% beautiful women while hundred percent of women want top 10% rich men. Its just a self defeating pursuit. Why not look for happy, healthy, kind, honest, hard working long term partners, instead of looking for gorgeous faces and heavy wallets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want what every woman wants: a good man with a sense of direction and a financially successful. A good heart and good values.

I know when I spot them but they do not even see me. I know why, I am not conventionally attractive. I know the kind of women they want. Feminine, attractive, put together but also down to earth.

I believe i have the character traits but my face and body do not signal my worthiness.

Do I just lower my standards? I can't seem to know how to downgrade!

Are you insecure and trying too hard. That's neither a good look nor a healthy feeling. Just vow to take one year to focus on your self with no lusting over ideal potential candidates. You'll feel better and come off as a more interesting person without any agenda.