Is virginity a red flag at 40?

[Anonymous]

IF he is really a virgin, he should just keep that information to himself at this point.

[Anonymous]

To be a virgin at forty years old is a very strong, 🚩 red flag OP unless he is staunchly religious.

[Anonymous]

Red flag. But now he is not a virgin anymore if I’m understanding this thread correctly.

[Anonymous]

Well he’s no longer a virgin so I guess it isn’t a red flag anymore.

[Anonymous]

I was a virgin until 24, just never asked any girls out until then because I had low self esteem and was very introverted. If a guy doesn’t do anything and is passive, he will easily be a virgin at an older than usual age because women don’t make the first move 99% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a virgin until 24, just never asked any girls out until then because I had low self esteem and was very introverted. If a guy doesn’t do anything and is passive, he will easily be a virgin at an older than usual age because women don’t make the first move 99% of the time.

24 is a bit different than 40, especially if the person has had relationships and it just "never happened"

[Anonymous]

He is gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you don't have to worry about HPV and STDs. Just roll with it until any red flags arise. You said he was nice and you already slept with him, so.... why break up?

Exactly. Plenty of men with experience who make horrid partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who was a virgin at 25 - and we weren't even 25 when we dated, we were 30 and 31 - and in hindsight it was a huge red flag. I broke up with him because he had issues developing emotional intimacy, and in later conversations with my therapist after the breakup when I mentioned the virginity thing, she was like "That's pretty weird for a guy who isn't religious. Do you think there's something more there?" So, I would see it as a red flag that he's emotionally unavailable. But I have baggage so your mileage may vary.

25 is not 40. I was a late bloomer dating wise (short shy dude). I had occasional girlfriends but I wanted to wait for sex because I didn’t want to risk getting her pregnant — I was from a backwater town so tons of teen moms in high school, and I was desperate to leave. A pregnant girlfriend would have been an anchor.

In college and law school I had religious girlfriends who wanted to wait for marriage (the 2nd became my DW). We started dating at 25 and didn’t marry till 30 because of school and extended family complications. She was worth the wait.

We are happily married 20 years later with a handful of kids. I mean our intimate life is not killin it, but with lots of kids that was kinda in the cards.

40 is very late, but maybe he tended to date within a religion? I wonder why not married more than no sex - it was definitely a motivator to put a ring on it.

[Anonymous]

I think it's nice he was honest with you vs lying and shows he trusts you. You must be a kind person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who was a virgin at 25 - and we weren't even 25 when we dated, we were 30 and 31 - and in hindsight it was a huge red flag. I broke up with him because he had issues developing emotional intimacy, and in later conversations with my therapist after the breakup when I mentioned the virginity thing, she was like "That's pretty weird for a guy who isn't religious. Do you think there's something more there?" So, I would see it as a red flag that he's emotionally unavailable. But I have baggage so your mileage may vary.

25 is not 40. I was a late bloomer dating wise (short shy dude). I had occasional girlfriends but I wanted to wait for sex because I didn’t want to risk getting her pregnant — I was from a backwater town so tons of teen moms in high school, and I was desperate to leave. A pregnant girlfriend would have been an anchor.

In college and law school I had religious girlfriends who wanted to wait for marriage (the 2nd became my DW). We started dating at 25 and didn’t marry till 30 because of school and extended family complications. She was worth the wait.

We are happily married 20 years later with a handful of kids. I mean our intimate life is not killin it, but with lots of kids that was kinda in the cards.

40 is very late, but maybe he tended to date within a religion? I wonder why not married more than no sex - it was definitely a motivator to put a ring on it.

Not very motivating since it took you FIVE YEARS.

Huge red flag, OP, if you have a health sex drive. He won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who was a virgin at 25 - and we weren't even 25 when we dated, we were 30 and 31 - and in hindsight it was a huge red flag. I broke up with him because he had issues developing emotional intimacy, and in later conversations with my therapist after the breakup when I mentioned the virginity thing, she was like "That's pretty weird for a guy who isn't religious. Do you think there's something more there?" So, I would see it as a red flag that he's emotionally unavailable. But I have baggage so your mileage may vary.

Brett Kavanaugh was a virgin until 26. But he "talked a good game" (about action with the ladies) well before that...

That's because he hates women.

[Anonymous]

I would be wary, esp. if you have kids. Did you meet him online?

[Anonymous]

24? I think lots of shy, nice guys get to that age still virgins, for a lot of the points above.
But 40? That is a HUGE red flag. He is gay and/or has big emotional intimacy problems. Learned all this through dating in my 30s. Normal, healthy straight men like sex. They want to have it. With women. If they don't, something is off no matter what reasons they are giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are cultures where virginity up to marriage is the norm for both men and women regardless of age. Observant members of various religious traditions also avoid non-marital sexual activity.

Which is another red flag