Affiar - was it worth it??

[Anonymous]

single moms need to realize that they are not the most important group of women in the world, and do the thing they should be doing RAISING THEIR KIDS, not looking for the next married penis to screw. They are single for a reason, and they owe it to their kids to be there for them. Sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you everyone for your honesty. I am a single mom in the early stages of an affair. I have read so many neagtive things about affairs and know that it is morally wrong. I also know that the possibility of getting hurt is great. However, at this point it is not stopping me from moving forward, despite what my gut is telling me - RUN! I don't think that he has any intentions of getting out of his marriage and at this point, I'm not sure I want that. I am just so torn on what to do - move forward and take it as it comes or stop it immediately. This is extremely hard and I am wondering if any of you have any advice on how to get through it. Any words of wisdom other than get out???

guess what sweetie, you should run. He won't leave his wife and you should not be with him, I don't care what he tells you. I know age is catching up with you and it seems all the good men are taken, but have you thought of dating a younger man? Maybe someone who isnt married? Hopefully you will stop your home wrecking ways, the man you are with is a pig, and I feel sorry for his wife. My Dad cheated on my mom many times with women just like you, and guess what they are still married 38 years later, and my dad is worth millions. Those many mistresses got nothing.


Finally, the one great lesson I learned in my previous marriage is to listen to my gut! When my gut says run, I run like hell now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

If you are sleeping with a married man, I don't care the circumstances, you are a whore. He is also a whore. The posts I have been reading are full of sob stories from these predatory women who are attracted to married men. The moment a man tells you he is married, it should be over. I don't care how bad his wife is in bed, how little companionship she gives him, or the fact that you just have big fake breasts and a bangin bod, back off!!!!!!!!!!!

You can back off, but the marriage is still in a shambles. If his marriage is already that bad off, then it's not the affair that wrecked the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

If you are sleeping with a married man, I don't care the circumstances, you are a whore. He is also a whore. The posts I have been reading are full of sob stories from these predatory women who are attracted to married men. The moment a man tells you he is married, it should be over. I don't care how bad his wife is in bed, how little companionship she gives him, or the fact that you just have big fake breasts and a bangin bod, back off!!!!!!!!!!!

You can back off, but the marriage is still in a shambles. If his marriage is already that bad off, then it's not the affair that wrecked the home.

Guess what. He is most likely lying to you about how bad the marriage is. He is giving you a sob story so that he can get into your pants. And it works, apparently. And then when the marriage feels the effects of the affair - as it will, even if the wife is in the dark - his sob story becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have a single friend who was the other woman. She told me that her lover's wife was crazy. She said that after a year, she realized that the wife was crazy because of the terrible way that he treated his wife and his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

If you are sleeping with a married man, I don't care the circumstances, you are a whore. He is also a whore. The posts I have been reading are full of sob stories from these predatory women who are attracted to married men. The moment a man tells you he is married, it should be over. I don't care how bad his wife is in bed, how little companionship she gives him, or the fact that you just have big fake breasts and a bangin bod, back off!!!!!!!!!!!

You can back off, but the marriage is still in a shambles. If his marriage is already that bad off, then it's not the affair that wrecked the home.

Guess what. He is most likely lying to you about how bad the marriage is. He is giving you a sob story so that he can get into your pants. And it works, apparently. And then when the marriage feels the effects of the affair - as it will, even if the wife is in the dark - his sob story becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have a single friend who was the other woman. She told me that her lover's wife was crazy. She said that after a year, she realized that the wife was crazy because of the terrible way that he treated his wife and his marriage.

Even if the marriage is in shambles, that does not mean that it will lead to divorce. People stay together for lots of strange reasons and the world is filled with mistresses who spend their lives on a married man and have nothing to show for it. OP, just be honest with yourself about what you expect out of this relationship and the limitation that is marriage places on those expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 11:23 - nope H doesn't know. He knew there was an attraction years ago, but that's it.

I'm still married because I have no interest in being married to my lover. My lover is excellent in bed and with emotional stuff, but his life skills are horrible. My H and I are much better suited to being life partners.

Not judging you PP, but since you provided the facts I will use it to state my opinion. I actually have no objection to open marriages (would do it myself if husband were into it), and think that it is totally ok for a H or W to have lover/lovers IF the other partner knows about it and is is fine with it. However, the idea of carring on a 6 year affair, well, I just cannot get my mind around it? How is this fair to your life partner? What do you think he would do if he found out and would you be ok if he got a lover?

Just as long as there's no judgment there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

Nah. I think you are hearing these sentiments from a very vocal minority of women who are most likely religious, insecure in their marriages, and probably both.

[Anonymous]

AFFAIR has a sort of relationship aspect to it. Slampiece, FWB, hook-up buddies seem more appropriate to some of these scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

If you are sleeping with a married man, I don't care the circumstances, you are a whore. He is also a whore. The posts I have been reading are full of sob stories from these predatory women who are attracted to married men. The moment a man tells you he is married, it should be over. I don't care how bad his wife is in bed, how little companionship she gives him, or the fact that you just have big fake breasts and a bangin bod, back off!!!!!!!!!!!

This what I'm talking about. Vocal? Check. Religious? Probably. Insecure in her marriage? Double-check. Judgmental? Triple-check.

[Anonymous]

"predatory women who are attracted to married men. "

Paul Newman dumped his first family to marry his mistress. He cheated rather publicly on the second wife.

Richard Burton, ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:single moms need to realize that they are not the most important group of women in the world, and do the thing they should be doing RAISING THEIR KIDS, not looking for the next married penis to screw. They are single for a reason, and they owe it to their kids to be there for them. Sorry

What, exactly, is that supposed to mean?

[Anonymous]

I have been the wife who has been cheated on and I harbor no malice for OP, nor any other cheater. Affairs don't just 'happen' as some people say, they are allowed to happen, often unconsciously, by people who are seeking something... comfort, escape, understanding, companionship, etc. There is not one person on this planet who doesn't have demons of some sort and I have found that affairs are usually the symptom of something much deeper - even if they are 'just' sexual.

Having said that, OP, the main point I warn you about IS the emotional involvement. You say you are trying to keep it just sexual, but that you have had a past relationship with this man. Understand now that emotions will be involved, you will be sad no matter what happens, and that what you are about to embark on will color your life for the rest of your life.

My husband's affair involved emotions to a great degree, and it's the emotional part of the affair, not the sexual, that has been the hardest for us both to recover from. And, some of that mental energy has come at the expense of peaceful family moments for our children. My mind was preoccupied so they sometimes did not get the attention I should have been giving them, or the emotional support for that matter.

Consider deeply the long term effects of these actions, mainly on your own mental state, but on all stakeholders - this man, your children, his children. And his wife. She is likely doing the best she can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been the wife who has been cheated on and I harbor no malice for OP, nor any other cheater. Affairs don't just 'happen' as some people say, they are allowed to happen, often unconsciously, by people who are seeking something... comfort, escape, understanding, companionship, etc. There is not one person on this planet who doesn't have demons of some sort and I have found that affairs are usually the symptom of something much deeper - even if they are 'just' sexual.

Having said that, OP, the main point I warn you about IS the emotional involvement. You say you are trying to keep it just sexual, but that you have had a past relationship with this man. Understand now that emotions will be involved, you will be sad no matter what happens, and that what you are about to embark on will color your life for the rest of your life.

My husband's affair involved emotions to a great degree, and it's the emotional part of the affair, not the sexual, that has been the hardest for us both to recover from. And, some of that mental energy has come at the expense of peaceful family moments for our children. My mind was preoccupied so they sometimes did not get the attention I should have been giving them, or the emotional support for that matter.

Consider deeply the long term effects of these actions, mainly on your own mental state, but on all stakeholders - this man, your children, his children. And his wife. She is likely doing the best she can.

I think this post is really sage advice from someone who has been there. OP, I would urge you to think about the permancy of this choice. You won't ever be able to take it back. You will have to live with the knowledge of this for the rest of your life. I don't think it's about whether or not you're going to break up someone's marriage - maybe it will end, maybe it won't. Maybe it would have ended anyway, maybe it wouldn't have. You can't control that. What you can control is your own actions. And I've found that 100% of the time the action that maintains your self-respect is the right one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:23:11 The situation for me was, I had known the guy for over 20 years and even had had a past relationship with him. There was a shared past and I was vulnerable when he came back to me. I'm not a "slut,"; it has ended now; and when he came to me his marriage was already in dire straits. If things are going to end between them, it won't be because of me. Meanwhile, I enjoyed it... and I don't hate him for it now. Like I said, he will always be a friend.

OP here and same situation as 23:11 - so, no I'm not a slut either - just very vulnerable and we all are at some point in our lives. I knew when I asked this question there would be people like some PP's who would react with slander. Whatever - for the most part, everyone has been very honest and open sharing experiences and offering very good advice. I'm not going to let one person who calls me and other women who have been in my shoes a slut make me feel bad about myself. Until you have experienced this you really shouldn'y judge people.

FWIW no man who is looking to cheat is going to tell someone he has a wonderful, caring wife who thinks she's in a solid happy marriage. Even if he does. You hear it ALL the time: "other women" who say "he told me he was separated/already living somewhere else/sleeping in separate bedrooms/nothing left emotionally/married only on paper/married to an emotionally or sexually or whatever devoid woman." A man who will cheat is a liar (and I'm not a name-caller, but there's no better way to put this). So it stands to reason he's not just lying to his wife, you know?

OP - I think a good question to ask yourself is how would you feel if your children found out one day? Proud? Like a good Mom? Like a person you'd like them to emulate?

[Anonymous]

OK so your kids will be teens. Would you want your DD crying after a boyfriend cheats? If the BF/GF cheats for fun or ego while professing love and fidelity would you recommend DD/DS stay in the relationship?

Is cheating and an affair the example you want for your kids? I discount bad marriages where the affair is the real bond with attachment and the spouse was a piece of $hit.