Affiar - was it worth it??

[Anonymous]

I'm sure this will spark a lot of dialouge but just curious - who has had an affair and was it worth it? What was your outcome? Be honest, everyone on DCUM can't possibly be that innocent.

[Anonymous]

Married at 23 and within the year knew it wasn't going to last. Had an affair with my supervisor at the time (he was 40 something)... knew it wouldn't last but it held me together in my not perfect marriage with my annoying spouse who ultimately had an affair on me after seven years whereupon I left him and divorced his ass. So all things considered you have to look at age, maturity, expectations, etc. when considering an affair... we fortunately did not have kids during my first marriage... somehow I knew he wasn't parental material.

[Anonymous]

My affair was what I needed to build up the nerve to leave my bad marriage. Yes, it was worth it to get out of there. However, it jinxed my relationship with the new guy. I could never get over the fact that I could never marry the guy I left my son''s dad for.

But yes, I am very glad I am no longer married to my first husband, and I probably would have never had the nerve to leave him without someone else to be there for me.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I had an affair and I guess you could say it was worth it. I am married to the man I had an affair with and very happy. I wish I had the balls to leave my first marriage without having an affair but, I didn't. Are you thinking about having one? Having one already? Why? If you are, are you planning on leaving your spouse? Having an affair hurt a lot of people, including me, and it was hell going through all of that.

[Anonymous]

I recently had an affair... I'm single and he's married. It was with a man who I've known since we were teenagers and in our 20's we had a relationship (I'm 40 and he's 37). It definitely helped me get my groove back as far as feeling attractive. That he still wanted me sexually after all this time felt good, I'll admit. We've been friends all this time but it was non-physical since his marriage in 2002 (up until he made a move on me and no, I didn't resist).

Outcome: he actually TOLD her about us... turned out she had multiple "discretions" too! Not they are "working" on their marriage and exploring the possibility of an "open" marriage. She apparently doesn't hate me but I'm not looking forward to seeing her in mixed company.

He will always be a friend. I don't feel remorse about what we did; maybe I should. I'm moving on now though and not looking back. Ironically enough now that he may be "available" to me b/c of the non-monogamy thing I want him less.

[Anonymous]

oops... obviously meant "indiscretions"...

[Anonymous]

Hell yes. Going on for over 6 years now. It's the only way I can stay married. If I had to settle for emotional support and sex only for H, we would have split up years ago.

[Anonymous]

Yup. I have a fairly emotionally absent husband, and although our marriage isn't "bad", it's not great, and he's never been one for romance or tenderness. About 10 years ago I stumbled into a relationship with a man who was utterly head over heals for me. I wasn't looking for an affair, didn't realize I was missing the tenderness as much as I was, until he came along. He makes me feel loveable and loved, and desired as a companion. We still see each other now and then, sometimes for sex, but often just for companionship. He's married with kids now, and his wife knows about me and is very sweet about it. I've met her and I think she understands I'm no threat to her or her family, just a little spice I add to their own sex life. My husband knows about him now as well, although we've never talked about it.

Is it worth it? For me it has been. It's taken pressure off my husband and allowed all four of us to experience the intensity of teenage emotion every now and then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell yes. Going on for over 6 years now. It's the only way I can stay married. If I had to settle for emotional support and sex only for H, we would have split up years ago.

Does your husband know about the outside relationship? Also, why are you still married?

[Anonymous]

NP here,

How do you keep it from them?

[Anonymous]

To 11:23 - nope H doesn't know. He knew there was an attraction years ago, but that's it.

I'm still married because I have no interest in being married to my lover. My lover is excellent in bed and with emotional stuff, but his life skills are horrible. My H and I are much better suited to being life partners.

[Anonymous]

To 11:41 - you just carry on the affair during work hours and only those. I have a lot of vacation time stored up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 11:23 - nope H doesn't know. He knew there was an attraction years ago, but that's it.

I'm still married because I have no interest in being married to my lover. My lover is excellent in bed and with emotional stuff, but his life skills are horrible. My H and I are much better suited to being life partners.

Not judging you PP, but since you provided the facts I will use it to state my opinion. I actually have no objection to open marriages (would do it myself if husband were into it), and think that it is totally ok for a H or W to have lover/lovers IF the other partner knows about it and is is fine with it. However, the idea of carring on a 6 year affair, well, I just cannot get my mind around it? How is this fair to your life partner? What do you think he would do if he found out and would you be ok if he got a lover?

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you everyone for your honesty. I am a single mom in the early stages of an affair. I have read so many neagtive things about affairs and know that it is morally wrong. I also know that the possibility of getting hurt is great. However, at this point it is not stopping me from moving forward, despite what my gut is telling me - RUN! I don't think that he has any intentions of getting out of his marriage and at this point, I'm not sure I want that. I am just so torn on what to do - move forward and take it as it comes or stop it immediately. This is extremely hard and I am wondering if any of you have any advice on how to get through it. Any words of wisdom other than get out???

[Anonymous]

23:11 here. I'm also a single mom... he is married as I stated. Do you think this will mostly be a sexual thing and/or you can keep it from turning emotionally intimate? Because if it's only sexual just move forward. It will def help you to regain your "mojo" if that's what you want. If you don't think you can keep your heart out of it then you might want to call time out. You will get hurt big time.