Affiar - was it worth it??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

Okay. Let's not use the word "slut" because perhaps the woman having the affair is involved with only one man. We'll call her what she is (and the man, too)--a liar and a cheater. From Wikipedia:

"The ability to pursue serial and clandestine extramarital affairs while safeguarding the secrets and conflict of interest inherent in the practice, requires skill in deception and duplicitous negotiation. Even to hide one affair requires a degree of skill or malicious gaslighting. All these behaviours are more usually called lying.Deception can be defined as the "covert manipulation of perception to alter thoughts, feeling, or beliefs". The presence of deception may indicate the degree to which the deceiver has breached fundamental conditions of fidelity, of reciprocal vulnerability and of transparency. Sometimes these are explicit or assumed pre-conditions of a committed intimate relationships."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

Okay. Let's not use the word "slut" because perhaps the woman having the affair is involved with only one man. We'll call her what she is (and the man, too)--a liar and a cheater. From Wikipedia:

"The ability to pursue serial and clandestine extramarital affairs while safeguarding the secrets and conflict of interest inherent in the practice, requires skill in deception and duplicitous negotiation. Even to hide one affair requires a degree of skill or malicious gaslighting. All these behaviours are more usually called lying.Deception can be defined as the "covert manipulation of perception to alter thoughts, feeling, or beliefs". The presence of deception may indicate the degree to which the deceiver has breached fundamental conditions of fidelity, of reciprocal vulnerability and of transparency. Sometimes these are explicit or assumed pre-conditions of a committed intimate relationships."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:03:45 you need to not be so quick to call people names and be a little more sensitive to what is going on. Just because someone is involved with a married man doesn't mean she is a "slut" We have no idea of the details, so back off. Be very careful of what you ar so critical of and never say never - you never know what circumstance you may be in. Believe me, I said I would NEVER have an affair and did and I am not a slut, whore, etc.

The problem with this website is there are a bunch of judgemental, critical, no life, bored women on here who take thier frustrations I(sexual and and mental) out on other people.

If you are sleeping with a married man, I don't care the circumstances, you are a whore. He is also a whore. The posts I have been reading are full of sob stories from these predatory women who are attracted to married men. The moment a man tells you he is married, it should be over. I don't care how bad his wife is in bed, how little companionship she gives him, or the fact that you just have big fake breasts and a bangin bod, back off!!!!!!!!!!!

You can back off, but the marriage is still in a shambles. If his marriage is already that bad off, then it's not the affair that wrecked the home.

Regardless of whether or not "the marriage is in a shambles," which is what cheaters say to rationalize their reprehensible behavior, an affair is morally wrong. Those who engage in affairs for any reason are deceitful at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you need to have an affair then something is seriously wrong with your marriage. If your marriage is so seriously broken that you think you need to have an affair, what you really need is a divorce.

Affairs are cheap and sleazy. Affairs afford individuals opportunities to be unfaithful while still providing themselves with all of the financial and emotional securities of marriage.

Don't be cheap, cunning and duplicitous. Be responsible enough to take responsibility for your actions. If you want to have an affair, first separate from your spouse and experience the accompanying loneliness that often time comes with the dating scene. Then you'll have earned the right to date outside of your marriage.

If you are willing to pay the real price of adultery, then fine, do it. But, if you do it while still enjoying all of the perks of marriage it is cheap, cowardly, tawdry, and despicable.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you need to have an affair then something is seriously wrong with your marriage. If your marriage is so seriously broken that you think you need to have an affair, what you really need is a divorce.

Affairs are cheap and sleazy. Affairs afford individuals opportunities to be unfaithful while still providing themselves with all of the financial and emotional securities of marriage.

Don't be cheap, cunning and duplicitous. Be responsible enough to take responsibility for your actions. If you want to have an affair, first separate from your spouse and experience the accompanying loneliness that often time comes with the dating scene. Then you'll have earned the right to date outside of your marriage.

If you are willing to pay the real price of adultery, then fine, do it. But, if you do it while still enjoying all of the perks of marriage it is cheap, cowardly, tawdry, and despicable.

Bingo!

I'm clapping to this post as well. Bravo!

[Anonymous]

How do all you people find the TIME to have an affair? Or the energy? Honestly, I have no idea how you'd do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do all you people find the TIME to have an affair? Or the energy? Honestly, I have no idea how you'd do it!

That's because they're not concerning themselves with the activities of faithful husbands and/or wives. If they work, after-work time is spent in other ways than the typical person who's devoting that time to family and spouse. Their extra energy and time is spent lying, cheating, and carrying on with the activities of a selfish affair. They're motto is more of, "I'll do what I want to do when I want to do it." Not, "What can I do to strengthen my relationship with my spouse and children?"

[Anonymous]

I think the original poster was having a guilt moment when spelling the word "Affiar" in the subject line and at some level recognized that he or she is a "Liar."

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that those who can justify having affairs are the same people who don't return their shopping carts because they're overburdened with baby/toddler/kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that those who can justify having affairs are the same people who don't return their shopping carts because they're overburdened with baby/toddler/kids.

Lazy? Overburdened? Rushed? Thoughtless? Maybe. Lying, cheating, immoral manipulators? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that those who can justify having affairs are the same people who don't return their shopping carts because they're overburdened with baby/toddler/kids.

I can only hope this post was meant to be funny. If not, PP, you have lost some part of your brain that lets you see and think in shades.

[Anonymous]

The problem with having an affair is that when the other person tells you their spouse knows and is fine with it THEY ARE LYING. It's hard to fathom that someone you are intimate with can look you right in the eye and lie -- and be convincing -- but they can and do. So that is the kind of person you are being intimate with -- a sociopath. Be very careful. They don't care about others people, they don't even feel the reality of other people. OP, if you are still reading, you had it right when you said your gut told you to RUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with having an affair is that when the other person tells you their spouse knows and is fine with it THEY ARE LYING. It's hard to fathom that someone you are intimate with can look you right in the eye and lie -- and be convincing -- but they can and do. So that is the kind of person you are being intimate with -- a sociopath. Be very careful. They don't care about others people, they don't even feel the reality of other people. OP, if you are still reading, you had it right when you said your gut told you to RUN.

If he'll lie to his wife, he'll lie to you. Why anyone would trust an affair partner is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a spouse who has been cheated on:
I have struggled for 3 years with the hole mess. As much as I have tried I can never look at him the same way. It breaks my heart that I will never trust or admire him the way I did before.
Him well he is fine merry back on the website with the same crew sending emails about what a wonderful experience it was for him and how much he got out of that relationship.
I can only hope that people think of the emotional distruction they no only do to the spouse but also the children involved.

[Anonymous]

I can easily see in shades of grey, but marriage to me is a black and white issue. When I first met my now-DH, he was married to someone else (I was single).

Despite my attraction to him, there was no way I was going to poison any potential future relationship with him by having anything to do with him while he was still married.

Even though his wife was crazy (truly -- she used his SSN to get credit cards *after* the marriage was over, she hid an affair and an abortion from him (except that she used his health insurance to pay for it....etc) I respected the fact that he was married and that he needed to close out that chapter in his life before moving on. I subjugated my needs and desires for a moral choice -- something the immediate-gratification crowd seems incapable of doing.

The week after his divorce was final -- well, that's a different story. We'll have been married for ten years in June.

I guess I just don't see how it's possible to pursue a married guy without knowing that it's wrong. As a PP mentioned, the OW didn't make the vow/commitment to the wife, but there should be a respect for the vow of the husband...

And they worry that gays will destroy marriage. I think straight people are doing a damn fine job of that on their own.