Twin sister is spiraling (again), and wants me to take custody of her 15 year old son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you aren’t wrong to be hesitant to take custody of your nephew, given that you have three kids at home, two of whom are younger than your nephew. If it was just that you thought he had different interests than your kids, that would be one thing. But he has been exposed to things that you really don’t want your kids exposed to. It is easy for PPs to insult you and call you horrible, but how many 15 year old boys of drug addicts are they currently fostering?

+1. My teenage nephew has been raised with a single, alcoholic parent, and I would not take him in if something happened.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you could consider working something out with your brother so you take your nephew in during the school year and then he takes him during the summer. If he’s 15, he likely will only be around for 3 years. I think you would need to make clear that after he graduates from high school, someone else (maybe your brother) needs to take responsibility for him.

It sounds like a tough situation, and hard to take in someone who may uproot your life when you practically don’t know them.

[Anonymous]

Guys I don’t think OP’s kids can reasonably be expected to get along with a kid who’s overweight. How would that even work? What would they do, talk to
him and stuff? What if they didn’t work out the same amount?

[Anonymous]

If you and your sister are identical twins, he is basically your kids half brother. You can do this for three years.

[Anonymous]

I honestly can’t believe you think that putting him in a random foster home will be better for him. Have you read the stories? His mom’s issues aren’t his fault. He is innocent. He likely has anxiety over her situation and who knows what else. He won’t get any help for that in foster care but may in your house if you try. Your ds seems wiling to try and likely won’t care that the kid isn’t interested in sports. Can you do it on a trial basis? Tbh, I don’t know my nieces or nephew but would never let them go to foster care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly can’t believe you think that putting him in a random foster home will be better for him. Have you read the stories? His mom’s issues aren’t his fault. He is innocent. He likely has anxiety over her situation and who knows what else. He won’t get any help for that in foster care but may in your house if you try. Your ds seems wiling to try and likely won’t care that the kid isn’t interested in sports. Can you do it on a trial basis? Tbh, I don’t know my nieces or nephew but would never let them go to foster care.

You’re confused, OP doesn’t care what is better for the fat child

[Anonymous]

I have taken care of my single alcoholic sisters 2 daughters on and off throughout their childhood. They are in their 20s now. We are UMC with one child. I just wanted to share that it is possible to have a different outcome. Both girls, while they weren’t sporty or have many extra curriculars due to their circumstances, but both attended college (one through first gen scholarship, one via CC) and now have great lives /careers, each living in different states. We’re talking about only 3 years to get your nephew on the right path and set him up for success. Success may look different from when you expect for your kids, but can potentially be so rewarding.

[Anonymous]

All attempts should be made to contact the father or the other set of grandparents.

[Anonymous]

How old are your parents?

[Anonymous]

I have a sister who is a total mess, alcoholic and drug addict, single mother, unemployed, with two kids. I even paid for her rehab. Her kids are much younger than mine and have behavior problems.

I wouldn't hesitate to take custody of her kids and my husband and I have actually considered petitioning for custody but my sister claims she is clean.

I grew up with an alcoholic mother. You take in your nephew. I cannot believe you would even consider not wanting to because you don't know him well enough, his interests are not similar to your own kids, and that he is overweight.

WTF is wrong with you? Take him. Help him. It is the right thing to do and you know it. How can you live with yourself if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Op, you have the opportunity to be this kid’s savior. Put yourself in his shoes. Really try to imagine what his life has been like. I think you know what the right thing to do is. Think of what you would be teaching your own children in your decision. Life and families are always changing. Make this next change a good one.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely take him without hesitation. Hopefully my husband would be on board because there is no way I’m not taking in my nephew.

[Anonymous]

i think you should take him, but i guess if you are going to make his life more miserable than no because you resent him, then no. Can you brother take him?

[Anonymous]

I wish you had done a trial run this summer. Now the opportunity is over.

It is a lot to take on another child, but I would want to give it a try.

[Anonymous]

I was that kid. I had an alcoholic parent and I was also overweight. I was an innocent kid who was doing my best.

OP, Some states will give you monthly funding for taking the kid in. The state would rather have the kids with a family member than in foster care.