How do you keep your ILs from promoting traditional roles?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

Yes, because one can really tell at Two that they'll be a good mommy lol. Anyway, just ask for gift receipts and ignore the comments as at two they'll forget the message but just hear the phenomes.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

[Anonymous]

You don’t “keep your in-laws” from making these types of comments. They are not inherently harmful and they only have a detrimental impact, it at all, if not counterbalanced by whatever else you surround your kids with. I suggest coming from a place of asking “what can I do” to make sure my kids are aware of all opportunities available to them. And think less about how you can control others, especially others who appear to be loving influences (who provide free childcare) to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

“Oh it’s too cold for you? Well Larla and I are bundled up. We’ll be back in an hour. Bye.”

Yep, it may be cold for them but it's time to stop doubting yourself. If you want to go out, go and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

So buy her toys you like so she can choose what to play with. Are you super cheap and don’t buy your kid any toys? And don’t expect grandparents to have the energy to run around and chase after a 2 year old outside it can be exhausting. Your expectations are way off the mark for this free babysitting.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

I think your concerns are fairly unreasonable but honestly, this is an awful lot of in law time for anyone.

Maybe it’s not just this one thing, but a whole lot of annoyances piling up because you are just spending way too much time together.

Can you work with your husband to get those Sunday visits down to once a month? A little space would do you some good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t “keep your in-laws” from making these types of comments. They are not inherently harmful and they only have a detrimental impact, it at all, if not counterbalanced by whatever else you surround your kids with. I suggest coming from a place of asking “what can I do” to make sure my kids are aware of all opportunities available to them. And think less about how you can control others, especially others who appear to be loving influences (who provide free childcare) to your kids.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

Your daughter has no other toys? Sounds believable. This sounds more troll like with every post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

Your daughter has no other toys? Sounds believable. This sounds more troll like with every post.

No, she does but not a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

Your daughter has no other toys? Sounds believable. This sounds more troll like with every post.

No, she does but not a ton.

But you’re definitely not trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

So say "okay, no problem, we will see you when we get back inside" and take them out. Also that's probably not a girl thing because my parents, who are old, say that constantly when my two boys want to play outside. It's because old people get cold so easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

What's wrong with "girl" toys? Honest question. Are they somehow inferior? I have plenty of "girl" toys for my boys because they like them better sometimes (the stroller, and the kitchen, for starters but also the purse because I always have a purse with me). I hate this whole script of girl toys somehow being inferior and when someone tells a little girl she'll make a good mommy one day there has to be a reply that she will also make a good lawyer one day. Like- fine- of course she might. But the response seems to be under the assumption that being a mommy one day is somehow not enough, or lesser. What the hell is wrong with being a mother???