How do you keep your ILs from promoting traditional roles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

I think your concerns are fairly unreasonable but honestly, this is an awful lot of in law time for anyone.

Maybe it’s not just this one thing, but a whole lot of annoyances piling up because you are just spending way too much time together.

Can you work with your husband to get those Sunday visits down to once a month? A little space would do you some good!

This is sad to me. My best memory was weekly visits to see my grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Seriously? This is dumb, OP. This is a new-mother worry. I have news. Your kid will change many times over the course of their childhood and youth. They will love dolls, they will hate dolls. They will love to play house, they will be an emo teenager.

Don’t over think. It’s not really about sexist traditions. Playing with dolls or playing house is a very important developmental phase…for boys & girls!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad at our preschool was bragging about all the STEM toys he got his daughter for Christmas and the careers he's already planning for the 4 year old... Another dad responded "Larla got a toy mop because she loves to help Mama clean. " When worlds collide....

Feel sorry for the kid with the mop.

More kids should learn to do chores. It would help their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

I think your concerns are fairly unreasonable but honestly, this is an awful lot of in law time for anyone.

Maybe it’s not just this one thing, but a whole lot of annoyances piling up because you are just spending way too much time together.

Can you work with your husband to get those Sunday visits down to once a month? A little space would do you some good!

This is sad to me. My best memory was weekly visits to see my grandmother.

The two year old would still be seeing her grandmother 1-2 times weekly in this scenario, for childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? This is dumb, OP. This is a new-mother worry. I have news. Your kid will change many times over the course of their childhood and youth. They will love dolls, they will hate dolls. They will love to play house, they will be an emo teenager.

Don’t over think. It’s not really about sexist traditions. Playing with dolls or playing house is a very important developmental phase…for boys & girls!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

You can't control what your parents/ILs say or do.

I am first generation American, and my parents were raised in a different culture and hold values that I don't always believe in. Unless I think it is blatant discrimination or ridiculous, I often don't say anything directly in front of them to correct. I do make it a point to speak to my kids about values that I believe are important. From my observations, the fact that my parents are ultra conservative in their thinking don't seem to affect my kids much. My kids are old enough now to actually politely question my parents directly with what they say.

It is much more important that you model behaviours your want your child to emulate. You have much greater influence at this point than anyone else.

And yet, look how you turned out, in spite of your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
All you can do is explain and repeat that girls cannot be defined by motherhood, but must be financially independent first and foremost, and that little remarks like this undercut the real message.

My parents have been receptive to this, but I don't even bother with my ILs. They belong to a culture with strict gender roles. We don't see them very often.

What if OP's daughter WANTS to be a SAHM? I knew I wanted to be a mom from a young age. My mom was like this, always telling me how men were trash (she had gone through a bad divorce), how I shouldn't let my desire for children affect my relationship choices, how I should get a job and be independent. It did nothing to me and only increased my baby fever. When you make something a forbidden fruit it only becomes more desirable. Women like my mom and some of the people I've met on DCUM are the reasons I don't personally identify as a feminist.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like an ingrate. Insufferable too. Put her in daycare, then, if you’re so concerned.

What I wouldn’t have given to have my ILs help with childcare. They’re overseas. As PPs stated, you are your daughter’s greatest influence.

[Anonymous]

OP's daughter is Not Like Other Girls. She doesn't want to play with dolls, or be a mommy. When she plays make-believe she's pretends to be a data analyst for a mid-size corporation who own three dogs. Not girly dogs, big ones. Maybe a Mastiff or a Great Dane.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is so ridiculous. So girls can’t play with dolls or told “you will be a good mommy” anymore when they are pushing a baby doll in a stroller? Give me a break OP, you obviously hate your in-laws but don’t take it out on your daughter here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's daughter is Not Like Other Girls. She doesn't want to play with dolls, or be a mommy. When she plays make-believe she's pretends to be a data analyst for a mid-size corporation who own three dogs. Not girly dogs, big ones. Maybe a Mastiff or a Great Dane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And people wonder why transgenderism is trending among youth.

Try harder, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your daughter likes the toys? Why can’t she play with dolls? Are only “boy” toys acceptable?

There is no such thing as “boy toys.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Yawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

So say "okay, no problem, we will see you when we get back inside" and take them out. Also that's probably not a girl thing because my parents, who are old, say that constantly when my two boys want to play outside. It's because old people get cold so easily.

Try reading the posts before responding. Her daughter parroted what she heard the grandparents say, that “girls get sick in the cold.” BS,