How do you keep your ILs from promoting traditional roles?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

Your daughter has no other toys? Sounds believable. This sounds more troll like with every post.

No, she does but not a ton.

Could you take the money you save by not paying for childcare, and use it to buy some toys? Good will often has them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

okay so go to walmart and buy a cheap set of legos and some footballs. 30 dollars. done. why are all of your childrens toys the things that your in laws have gotten them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

What's wrong with "girl" toys? Honest question. Are they somehow inferior? I have plenty of "girl" toys for my boys because they like them better sometimes (the stroller, and the kitchen, for starters but also the purse because I always have a purse with me). I hate this whole script of girl toys somehow being inferior and when someone tells a little girl she'll make a good mommy one day there has to be a reply that she will also make a good lawyer one day. Like- fine- of course she might. But the response seems to be under the assumption that being a mommy one day is somehow not enough, or lesser. What the hell is wrong with being a mother???

This! I loath the underlying misogyny of hating playing with dolls etc if it's done my girls.

[Anonymous]

Anyway, op I suggest you get over yourself and just let your daughter play.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

Your daughter has no other toys? Sounds believable. This sounds more troll like with every post.

No, she does but not a ton.

But you’re definitely not trolling.

I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Who cares unless they are around her 24/7? If it was baby Henry pushing a baby doll, they'd say "you're such a good daddy". I mean, that's the whole point of having a baby doll. Would you prefer that they say "Oh, Larla, you're doing a great job earning a low income as a preschool teacher!"?

Regarding gifts - make wish lists with the items you want them to buy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

What's wrong with "girl" toys? Honest question. Are they somehow inferior? I have plenty of "girl" toys for my boys because they like them better sometimes (the stroller, and the kitchen, for starters but also the purse because I always have a purse with me). I hate this whole script of girl toys somehow being inferior and when someone tells a little girl she'll make a good mommy one day there has to be a reply that she will also make a good lawyer one day. Like- fine- of course she might. But the response seems to be under the assumption that being a mommy one day is somehow not enough, or lesser. What the hell is wrong with being a mother???

This! I loath the underlying misogyny of hating playing with dolls etc if it's done my girls.

Thank you. I'm glad at least one person out there agrees with me that if a girl wants something pink, or a doll, we do not have to swoop in and also give her something blue, and a truck, and remind her that she doesn't have to pick the pink, or the doll, she can pick the blue and the truck if she wants! Until we start telling boys, when they pick a toy truck, that they don't have to pick a truck they can pick a pink doll instead because dolls are just as awesome!- then all we are doing when we discourage girls from choosing girly things is underlining the idea that "girly" means "not as good as". Which is incredibly misogynistic.

Rant over. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

Define “girl toys”? What if it was only cooking toys? Only sports toys? Only legos?

Look around…are the only toys your daughter has “girl toys”. If not, no problem. If so, you created the problem.

No sport toys and no legos. Just a lot of stuffed dolls and cooking supplies, and at least one toy stroller

Your daughter has no other toys? Sounds believable. This sounds more troll like with every post.

No, she does but not a ton.

That's on you. Buy her boy toys/gender neutral toys. Obviously. You sound pretty clueless.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

What's wrong with "girl" toys? Honest question. Are they somehow inferior? I have plenty of "girl" toys for my boys because they like them better sometimes (the stroller, and the kitchen, for starters but also the purse because I always have a purse with me). I hate this whole script of girl toys somehow being inferior and when someone tells a little girl she'll make a good mommy one day there has to be a reply that she will also make a good lawyer one day. Like- fine- of course she might. But the response seems to be under the assumption that being a mommy one day is somehow not enough, or lesser. What the hell is wrong with being a mother???

What’s even more funny about “the script” is that a girl is statistically more likely to be a mom than a lawyer (or any inserted single profession). Desiring children is natural for many people. So if DD talks about having children as she grows, does girl power mom tut-tut that and tell her no, really a professional life is what she needs? OP, let the daughter be and stop trying to micromanage and critique every instance of her existence. The grandparents sound loving. Don’t be cheap -by her the damn toys you want her to have yourself. You sound exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you are balancing out the toy selection with doctor kids, a tool kit, etc.

The not going out in the cold thing? That's on you. Also, explain to them how people get sick (hint: not being out in the cold).

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with "girl" toys? Honest question. Are they somehow inferior? I have plenty of "girl" toys for my boys because they like them better sometimes (the stroller, and the kitchen, for starters but also the purse because I always have a purse with me). I hate this whole script of girl toys somehow being inferior and when someone tells a little girl she'll make a good mommy one day there has to be a reply that she will also make a good lawyer one day. Like- fine- of course she might. But the response seems to be under the assumption that being a mommy one day is somehow not enough, or lesser. What the hell is wrong with being a mother???

-----------------------------------------

What’s even more funny about “the script” is that a girl is statistically more likely to be a mom than a lawyer (or any inserted single profession). Desiring children is natural for many people. So if DD talks about having children as she grows, does girl power mom tut-tut that and tell her no, really a professional life is what she needs? OP, let the daughter be and stop trying to micromanage and critique every instance of her existence. The grandparents sound loving. Don’t be cheap -by her the damn toys you want her to have yourself. You sound exhausting.

+1 for both of the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

Yeah so that’s part of the cost of free childcare. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

OP’s gonna crap her pants when her daughter grows up and chooses to be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s gonna crap her pants when her daughter grows up and chooses to be a SAHM.

She will blame Grandma for that one time she bought the stroller.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold.

How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?

Several.

Like 2? Or 10?

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.

So they are ok to use for childcare. But they can’t pick out toys? Got it.

Never said that.

You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.

What's wrong with "girl" toys? Honest question. Are they somehow inferior? I have plenty of "girl" toys for my boys because they like them better sometimes (the stroller, and the kitchen, for starters but also the purse because I always have a purse with me). I hate this whole script of girl toys somehow being inferior and when someone tells a little girl she'll make a good mommy one day there has to be a reply that she will also make a good lawyer one day. Like- fine- of course she might. But the response seems to be under the assumption that being a mommy one day is somehow not enough, or lesser. What the hell is wrong with being a mother???

This! I loath the underlying misogyny of hating playing with dolls etc if it's done my girls.

Same. I feel bad for OP’s daughter.