I want a month break from spouse. How to approach?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's two women or two men.
No way to know and it does not matter anyway.
Spouse who makes the $$ assumes he/she has all the power.
Spouse at home probably looking for a break from this control freak too.

[Anonymous]

You’re an appalling spouse and parent just to consider walking out on your nine year old AND to leave your spouse to cope with the emotion turmoil you would be creating for your child, alone, while you wallow in your self-indulgence on a month long vacation. You are truly an unfit parent and a shabby excuse for a human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re an appalling spouse and parent just to consider walking out on your nine year old AND to leave your spouse to cope with the emotion turmoil you would be creating for your child, alone, while you wallow in your self-indulgence on a month long vacation. You are truly an unfit parent and a shabby excuse for a human being.

There is no shortage of them on this forum. The “me, me, me” people. Cheat, leave, abandon, with very little thought to anyone else.

So where is mommy, daddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s going to take care of the child?

That would be my first question too. Sorry, sounds like you are abandoning both. Why can you not decide what to do in the same household as spouse?

My spouse is a stay at home parent. Does not work and does not have any other responsibilities outside of being a stay at home parent.

And this is not enough for you right? No more respect for him?

What if you had stayed home? Would you want him to think of you the way you do of him right now?

[Anonymous]

So what guy is going to join you in the cabin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will this idea be a shock for the sah spouse?
Maybe he/she feels the same.
Why don't you talk about it instead of announcing it.
He/she nay think some time apart is a good idea and my be the one who would like to get away.
Why do you get to make all the decisions?

All of this, above.

OP, have you and your spouse had ANY actual discussions about your wanting time apart? Or do you keep all this to yourself, and you would be dropping a bomb on your spouse when you say, "I want to live at the other house for a month"?

Telling is not discussing. Announcing things is not discussing them. suspect there is little to no calm communication in your household.

And a month is incredibly self-serving and frankly cushy. It's a VAST luxury to be able to have a month of perfect quiet in a house you have all to yourself. Do you see how that's ultimate luxury? Your spouse might like a month 100 percent "off" too. Most of all, as others have noted, you'd be taking a month away from your child. This will confuse even the smartest, most "independent" (your word, OP) child of nine.. I think you're ddeceiving yourself into believing your kid is iindependent so it's fine to go away for a month.

cIt's good to think through what you need to do for the future. It's good to do that thinking coolly and away from distractions.

It is unwise at best and immensely selfish at worst to put your serene contemplation in a private getaway ahead of your child and ahead of the tough work of real discussion with your spouse. eFace your spouse and talk. If you can't, involve at third party like a counselor to negotiate a split. There are counselors who do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is a stay at home parent. Doesn't work.

still, who will take are of your child during the majority of time you are not working?

[Anonymous]

If you have a guest room a separate room in your house I would move in there for a bit. And/Or take a weekend away at most. If you feel you need an entire month away, then chances are it is time to separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is a stay at home parent. Doesn't work.

Actually, it would be better if you took your child so that your spouse could start looking for a job and possibly find one in that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s going to take care of the child?

That would be my first question too. Sorry, sounds like you are abandoning both. Why can you not decide what to do in the same household as spouse?

My spouse is a stay at home parent. Does not work and does not have any other responsibilities outside of being a stay at home parent.

so, you do all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is a stay at home parent. Doesn't work.

Actually, it would be better if you took your child so that your spouse could start looking for a job and possibly find one in that time.

Yeah. He sounds like the one that could use a break from parenting.

[Anonymous]

OP I moved out for 2 months to think about hints. It was very helpful. It’s hard to think when your in the middle of fiery disputes daily, which I was. I booked a temporary sublease. I still saw my child though.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to discuss a trial separation. That way you can talk about custody and who has your child when. Then, if you want to continue with a divorce you have an agreement to build upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I moved out for 2 months to think about hints. It was very helpful. It’s hard to think when your in the middle of fiery disputes daily, which I was. I booked a temporary sublease. I still saw my child though.

what were the actual custody arrangements during your separation? Where did the your child spend most of their time?

[Anonymous]

Agree with other PPs that this is not as cut and dry as you think it might be.

On top of the logistical challenges, I can guarantee that you’re either 1) prepared to separate without taking a month away or 2) a month will not be enough for you to feel like you have it all figured out.

Can you use that month to set aside a couple times a week where you talk about the relationship, like therapy, and talking specifically about what a separation might look like and what staying together might look like? That will be more productive for what you’re trying to accomplish. Maybe get away for a long weekend then come back to engage on how you will be partners — whether romantically or as coparents. You will need to do that even if you divorce.