I want a month break from spouse. How to approach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the original post may have been written by my spouses in my voice. I have a 9 yo son, a vacation house an hour away and I have asked for alone time to determine whether this marriage is the right one. I've been deeply unhappy for many many years. The attempts to discuss my unhappiness have been met with anger and accusations that the problems originate with me. It is not a healthy or loving marriage. That's not good for either spouse and it's not good for our son. Two unhappy parents together does not mean a better life for a child who can have two happy parents that are not together. I WANT to spend time with my son during this time. I have OFFERED the SAHM space/time/swapping "you check into a hotel go to vacation house etc). We are in different places. But to assume someone is a bad parent because they need space isn't the whole story. I think if any parent or person identifies the need to retreat and reflect and come back a better person, that's their reality and there is a way to stay connected to children to smooth a confusing time out for them as well. Provided BOTH parents want that.

Do you have an AP who is trying to be "helpful" by figuring out how to get the divorce train rolling? I just wonder how your spouse would gain anything from pretending to be you in this thread and then never alerting you to its existence. That seems an odd exercise. I can, however, imagine a motivated AP thinking that a few helpful pointers might get you out the door. And of course, "I need advice to help my MM move out" would go over like a lead balloon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the original post may have been written by my spouses in my voice. I have a 9 yo son, a vacation house an hour away and I have asked for alone time to determine whether this marriage is the right one. I've been deeply unhappy for many many years. The attempts to discuss my unhappiness have been met with anger and accusations that the problems originate with me. It is not a healthy or loving marriage. That's not good for either spouse and it's not good for our son. Two unhappy parents together does not mean a better life for a child who can have two happy parents that are not together. I WANT to spend time with my son during this time. I have OFFERED the SAHM space/time/swapping "you check into a hotel go to vacation house etc). We are in different places. But to assume someone is a bad parent because they need space isn't the whole story. I think if any parent or person identifies the need to retreat and reflect and come back a better person, that's their reality and there is a way to stay connected to children to smooth a confusing time out for them as well. Provided BOTH parents want that.

Do you have an AP who is trying to be "helpful" by figuring out how to get the divorce train rolling? I just wonder how your spouse would gain anything from pretending to be you in this thread and then never alerting you to its existence. That seems an odd exercise. I can, however, imagine a motivated AP thinking that a few helpful pointers might get you out the door. And of course, "I need advice to help my MM move out" would go over like a lead balloon.

what is an "AP"

[Anonymous]

You don’t get a month off. That is insane. I agree with PP. I would change locks and file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the original post may have been written by my spouses in my voice. I have a 9 yo son, a vacation house an hour away and I have asked for alone time to determine whether this marriage is the right one. I've been deeply unhappy for many many years. The attempts to discuss my unhappiness have been met with anger and accusations that the problems originate with me. It is not a healthy or loving marriage. That's not good for either spouse and it's not good for our son. Two unhappy parents together does not mean a better life for a child who can have two happy parents that are not together. I WANT to spend time with my son during this time. I have OFFERED the SAHM space/time/swapping "you check into a hotel go to vacation house etc). We are in different places. But to assume someone is a bad parent because they need space isn't the whole story. I think if any parent or person identifies the need to retreat and reflect and come back a better person, that's their reality and there is a way to stay connected to children to smooth a confusing time out for them as well. Provided BOTH parents want that.

Do you have an AP who is trying to be "helpful" by figuring out how to get the divorce train rolling? I just wonder how your spouse would gain anything from pretending to be you in this thread and then never alerting you to its existence. That seems an odd exercise. I can, however, imagine a motivated AP thinking that a few helpful pointers might get you out the door. And of course, "I need advice to help my MM move out" would go over like a lead balloon.

what is an "AP"

An AP is an affair partner . . . someone who would like you to take the step to separate and divorce. Because if your spouse wanted to prove that your idea is dumb, why would she pose as you? Why wouldn't she just say, I'm a SAHM and my spouse wants to take off for a month? I don't see how pretending to be you benefits your spouse. But I do see how another woman/someone who is motivated to have you leave might pose as you . . . admitting to an affair would make you seem even more in the wrong than you already do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend started doing this a few years ago. Her kids were older than yours and she was the sahm. But she told her dh, me and everyone she knew that she needed a "retreat" so she took over a month to herself somewhere about 5 hours away. it's become an annual thing and she, of course, loves it. My house would breakdown w/o me but it somehow works for them.

Didn't Bill Gates get to do this with an ex-Girlfriend annually? The older woman he likely wanted to marry but his dad said no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the original post may have been written by my spouses in my voice. I have a 9 yo son, a vacation house an hour away and I have asked for alone time to determine whether this marriage is the right one. I've been deeply unhappy for many many years. The attempts to discuss my unhappiness have been met with anger and accusations that the problems originate with me. It is not a healthy or loving marriage. That's not good for either spouse and it's not good for our son. Two unhappy parents together does not mean a better life for a child who can have two happy parents that are not together. I WANT to spend time with my son during this time. I have OFFERED the SAHM space/time/swapping "you check into a hotel go to vacation house etc). We are in different places. But to assume someone is a bad parent because they need space isn't the whole story. I think if any parent or person identifies the need to retreat and reflect and come back a better person, that's their reality and there is a way to stay connected to children to smooth a confusing time out for them as well. Provided BOTH parents want that.

Ahhh, interesting....so the OP is the wife (since it sounded like it was worded by a woman as a prior poster noted)---this poster mentions that the stay at home parent is the mom- "SAHM" since M = mom. This poster is the husband. Original post was written by the wife posing as the husband who wanted time away for a month. The husband feels he said he wanted to see the child but wife feels he abandoned them both. My analysis.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him that you need some time alone to think.

He may be scared, but that sounds appropriate. His marriage sounds like it is ending, and you can’t really reassure him.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps consult with a lawyer first to make sure that it will not weaken your standing in any divorce proceeding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the original post may have been written by my spouses in my voice. I have a 9 yo son, a vacation house an hour away and I have asked for alone time to determine whether this marriage is the right one. I've been deeply unhappy for many many years. The attempts to discuss my unhappiness have been met with anger and accusations that the problems originate with me. It is not a healthy or loving marriage. That's not good for either spouse and it's not good for our son. Two unhappy parents together does not mean a better life for a child who can have two happy parents that are not together. I WANT to spend time with my son during this time. I have OFFERED the SAHM space/time/swapping "you check into a hotel go to vacation house etc). We are in different places. But to assume someone is a bad parent because they need space isn't the whole story. I think if any parent or person identifies the need to retreat and reflect and come back a better person, that's their reality and there is a way to stay connected to children to smooth a confusing time out for them as well. Provided BOTH parents want that.

Ahhh, interesting....so the OP is the wife (since it sounded like it was worded by a woman as a prior poster noted)---this poster mentions that the stay at home parent is the mom- "SAHM" since M = mom. This poster is the husband. Original post was written by the wife posing as the husband who wanted time away for a month. The husband feels he said he wanted to see the child but wife feels he abandoned them both. My analysis.

“See the child” is a pretty low bar for a parent.