I want a month break from spouse. How to approach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just look at the first two words of your title. "I want." This is how a toddler starts a sentence.

OP’s child is probably more mature than them.

[Anonymous]

So much vitriol. IMO a month away from a parent isn’t the issue, but would be great if you could see the kid on weekends. Being a child with parents who should divorce but don’t will cause way more problems down the road.

No real advice OP but I wish you the best trying to work this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much vitriol. IMO a month away from a parent isn’t the issue, but would be great if you could see the kid on weekends. Being a child with parents who should divorce but don’t will cause way more problems down the road.

No real advice OP but I wish you the best trying to work this out.

I wish OP and OP's spouse a peaceful solution too. But the reason for "so much vitriol" is that OP seems stubbornly oblivious to the fact that she or he wants quite the Cadillac of a solution: The luxury of running off to a second home solo. That's not facing problems; it's not communicating; it's certainly not considering what's best for a child the OP insists is resilient and independent. All that insisting seems to be done to make OP feel good about leaving the spouse home with the child for a solid month because spouse is a SAHP anyway. OP is pretty oblivious to the realities of day to day living--let spouse handle everything since spouse is already a SAHP. Let the child just deal, because, resilience. Let OP have precious me time to think about the marriage--but does the spouse then get a month at the second home to do the same? Lots of self-centeredness going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% use it as constructive abandonment. I would call my lawyer, change the locks on the doors, and file for emergency custody. You don’t sound very smart, OP.

This.

[Anonymous]

When is your spouse going to get a month off so that they can figure things out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“We were on a break!”

Ah. Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I moved out for 2 months to think about hints. It was very helpful. It’s hard to think when your in the middle of fiery disputes daily, which I was. I booked a temporary sublease. I still saw my child though.

what were the actual custody arrangements during your separation? Where did the your child spend most of their time?

Child stayed at marital home with spouse. I took child to school, and came over to make dinner help with bedtime routine. There wasn’t a formal arrangement. Spouse was supportive.

[Anonymous]

Not fair to your spouse or kid.

Instead, go to a marriage (and/or divorce) counselor. Figure out which way to go to either heal together or start learning to heal apart. Really put effort into counseling and laying everything on the table.

Do not DO NOT just walk away from spouse and kid for a month. Don't assume you can just dump all childcare responsibilities and confuse your child for a month while you get the vacation house.

And let's be real, you already have somebody ready to join you at that house, don't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not fair to your spouse or kid.

Instead, go to a marriage (and/or divorce) counselor. Figure out which way to go to either heal together or start learning to heal apart. Really put effort into counseling and laying everything on the table.

Do not DO NOT just walk away from spouse and kid for a month. Don't assume you can just dump all childcare responsibilities and confuse your child for a month while you get the vacation house.

And let's be real, you already have somebody ready to join you at that house, don't you?

Solved

[Anonymous]

My friend started doing this a few years ago. Her kids were older than yours and she was the sahm. But she told her dh, me and everyone she knew that she needed a "retreat" so she took over a month to herself somewhere about 5 hours away. it's become an annual thing and she, of course, loves it. My house would breakdown w/o me but it somehow works for them.

[Anonymous]

Lots of assumptions here. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of assumptions here. Interesting.

Lack of detail usually causes myriad theories to fill the vacuum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not fair to your spouse or kid.

Instead, go to a marriage (and/or divorce) counselor. Figure out which way to go to either heal together or start learning to heal apart. Really put effort into counseling and laying everything on the table.

Do not DO NOT just walk away from spouse and kid for a month. Don't assume you can just dump all childcare responsibilities and confuse your child for a month while you get the vacation house.

And let's be real, you already have somebody ready to join you at that house, don't you?

That seemed pretty obvious from the start. OP wants to play house with their AP for a month to help them decide whether to divorce their spouse to be with the AP, or just keep the AP as a side piece.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it OP. Maybe one week. Not a month. And send him an email stating you are going on vacation for one week.

Better yet go over spring break and take your child with you at least part of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would change the locks on you. If you go, go for good. You'll never be able to turn that ship back around if you feel you need a month break. It's over. Don't kid yourself.

x2. Plus I'd petition for full custody, alimony and child support.