Husband Not Being Supportive About Breastfeeding

[Anonymous]

What do you mean ^ make him work for it?
Something is wrong with you.
Let the baby eat as much as he wants for goodness sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean ^ make him work for it?
Something is wrong with you.
Let the baby eat as much as he wants for goodness sake.

OP here. He eats all he wants. We don’t deny him food. We make him work harder with a slow flow instead of a fast flow so he doesn’t get used to the bottle and not want to nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

You can’t read. OP said the baby only started gaining weight once she added in feeds with a bottle.

The not emptying your is a lie. Many women end up with clogs and infections if they don’t empty the breast. Not emptying the breast at this age tells your body you don’t need that milk and it will decrease your supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing.

This is normal and why it can take babies weeks to get back to their birth weight. You also seem to be worried a 4.5 wk old is going to have nipple confusion. You shouldn't worry about that either. So feed, top off and pump. That is again, completely normal in the early weeks. It works or it doesn't. The best thing my pediatrician ever said to me was: "formula isn't rat poison." I have 4 kids all of whom had bottles in the NICU due to health issue. They all went back to the breast for various times. It was easy for me and my babies but for one it never clicked and that was fine too.

[Anonymous]

When were you vaccinated? It has to have been when you were pregnant. That gave the baby some antibodies too.

Go get boosted, try to breastfeed for another month or so, and then stop if it’s still too hard. Vaccinated while in uterus plus a few months of breast feeding is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing.

This is normal and why it can take babies weeks to get back to their birth weight. You also seem to be worried a 4.5 wk old is going to have nipple confusion. You shouldn't worry about that either. So feed, top off and pump. That is again, completely normal in the early weeks. It works or it doesn't. The best thing my pediatrician ever said to me was: "formula isn't rat poison." I have 4 kids all of whom had bottles in the NICU due to health issue. They all went back to the breast for various times. It was easy for me and my babies but for one it never clicked and that was fine too.

I’m sorry but when did you get your medical degree? You seem to know way more about these things than actual professionals.

OP is talking to real progressional, not arm chair quarterbacks who think they know everything.

Your experience worked for you but that’s hot for everyone. No, a baby not gaining any weight by two weeks is not NOT normal.

OP posted about her husband not be supportive. This has little to do with her actually breastfeeding and she doesn’t need some non-expert telling her stupid advice when she had actual professionals to turn to.

Your advice is simply dangerous. Stop.

[Anonymous]

OP, find a LL group or new moms group that meets in person or online so you have people to engage with who want to talk and hear about the details of bfeeding. Your husband has made it clear he does not so I would stop bringing it up with him.

DC used to have a Breastfeeding Center and LLL has meetings all over the world. Maybe some are on online at the moment. Your LC may be able to suggest a group and there is also a group called MOMS Club that was not specifically bfeeding focused but social.

Congrats on the little one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing.

This is normal and why it can take babies weeks to get back to their birth weight. You also seem to be worried a 4.5 wk old is going to have nipple confusion. You shouldn't worry about that either. So feed, top off and pump. That is again, completely normal in the early weeks. It works or it doesn't. The best thing my pediatrician ever said to me was: "formula isn't rat poison." I have 4 kids all of whom had bottles in the NICU due to health issue. They all went back to the breast for various times. It was easy for me and my babies but for one it never clicked and that was fine too.

No weight gain by two weeks is not normal. Don’t listen to this stupid advice.

[Anonymous]

Formula is great OP!
Triple feeding for more than 2 weeks is intense. That’s a LOT of time. Time that you can’t spend taking care of yourself, which you NEED.
Your baby will be fine. Take a break.
I was determined with my first that I would exclusively breastfeed. Ha. Hahahaha. I wasted so many hours on lactation consultants, “booby trapped” at the pump, trying and trying to make a latch work, trying all sorts of different nipple shields… it just never worked. And I was pretty miserable all those first weeks of being a parent.
With my second (born Oct 2) I wanted to try to breastfeed again, but I drew the line- under no circumstances would I pump. It’s been so much more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Formula is great OP!
Triple feeding for more than 2 weeks is intense. That’s a LOT of time. Time that you can’t spend taking care of yourself, which you NEED.
Your baby will be fine. Take a break.
I was determined with my first that I would exclusively breastfeed. Ha. Hahahaha. I wasted so many hours on lactation consultants, “booby trapped” at the pump, trying and trying to make a latch work, trying all sorts of different nipple shields… it just never worked. And I was pretty miserable all those first weeks of being a parent.
With my second (born Oct 2) I wanted to try to breastfeed again, but I drew the line- under no circumstances would I pump. It’s been so much more enjoyable.

Also, I want to add— you don’t have to go 100% breastfeeding to be able to pass on antibodies and other benefits. Please don’t stress out about this more than you have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing.

This is normal and why it can take babies weeks to get back to their birth weight. You also seem to be worried a 4.5 wk old is going to have nipple confusion. You shouldn't worry about that either. So feed, top off and pump. That is again, completely normal in the early weeks. It works or it doesn't. The best thing my pediatrician ever said to me was: "formula isn't rat poison." I have 4 kids all of whom had bottles in the NICU due to health issue. They all went back to the breast for various times. It was easy for me and my babies but for one it never clicked and that was fine too.

I’m sorry but when did you get your medical degree? You seem to know way more about these things than actual professionals.

OP is talking to real progressional, not arm chair quarterbacks who think they know everything.

Your experience worked for you but that’s hot for everyone. No, a baby not gaining any weight by two weeks is not NOT normal.

OP posted about her husband not be supportive. This has little to do with her actually breastfeeding and she doesn’t need some non-expert telling her stupid advice when she had actual professionals to turn to.

Your advice is simply dangerous. Stop.

+1. Please never listen to this advice ever.

I’m tired of people like PP thinking they know better than medical professionals and breastfeeding a couple of kids somehow makes them some expert.

Here’s a little story for you OP.

My best head latch issues. The baby was not a great latcher and the baby struggled with with. Against the advice of the pediatrician, she didn’t supplement or pump and feed because a moms group she was on told her some of the same advice PP is spouting here. She was told that a breastfed baby doesn’t always gain weight right away and that she didn’t need to do anything except feed often and things will figure itself out. Guess what? It didn’t. Her baby ended up in the hospital for dehydration and lack of weight gain. He spent a week in the hospital before being released. The doctor almost called DFS but luckily her BIL was a doctor there and they knew it was not intentional or malnourishment.

Her baby is now a healthy toddler but my friend had still had so much guilt over it.

My cousin had a similar experience but not as bad. She listened to friends over experts who told her that she would boost her supply even though she never made enough. Her daughter latched with no issues but ended up not gaining weight because she never got enough. Thankfully my cousin listened when her husband put his foot down. She’s not a healthy kid.

Please listen to the experts and not someone like PP. While her intentions and comments were ill-intended, she doesn’t know your situation and her breastfeeding 4 kids doesn’t hold any merit. She is not a professional and her advise is plain dangerous. Listen to the professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing.

This is normal and why it can take babies weeks to get back to their birth weight. You also seem to be worried a 4.5 wk old is going to have nipple confusion. You shouldn't worry about that either. So feed, top off and pump. That is again, completely normal in the early weeks. It works or it doesn't. The best thing my pediatrician ever said to me was: "formula isn't rat poison." I have 4 kids all of whom had bottles in the NICU due to health issue. They all went back to the breast for various times. It was easy for me and my babies but for one it never clicked and that was fine too.

I’m sorry but when did you get your medical degree? You seem to know way more about these things than actual professionals.

OP is talking to real progressional, not arm chair quarterbacks who think they know everything.

Your experience worked for you but that’s hot for everyone. No, a baby not gaining any weight by two weeks is not NOT normal.

OP posted about her husband not be supportive. This has little to do with her actually breastfeeding and she doesn’t need some non-expert telling her stupid advice when she had actual professionals to turn to.

Your advice is simply dangerous. Stop.

+1. Please never listen to this advice ever.

I’m tired of people like PP thinking they know better than medical professionals and breastfeeding a couple of kids somehow makes them some expert.

Here’s a little story for you OP.

My best head latch issues. The baby was not a great latcher and the baby struggled with with. Against the advice of the pediatrician, she didn’t supplement or pump and feed because a moms group she was on told her some of the same advice PP is spouting here. She was told that a breastfed baby doesn’t always gain weight right away and that she didn’t need to do anything except feed often and things will figure itself out. Guess what? It didn’t. Her baby ended up in the hospital for dehydration and lack of weight gain. He spent a week in the hospital before being released. The doctor almost called DFS but luckily her BIL was a doctor there and they knew it was not intentional or malnourishment.

Her baby is now a healthy toddler but my friend had still had so much guilt over it.

My cousin had a similar experience but not as bad. She listened to friends over experts who told her that she would boost her supply even though she never made enough. Her daughter latched with no issues but ended up not gaining weight because she never got enough. Thankfully my cousin listened when her husband put his foot down. She’s not a healthy kid.

Please listen to the experts and not someone like PP. While her intentions and comments were ill-intended, she doesn’t know your situation and her breastfeeding 4 kids doesn’t hold any merit. She is not a professional and her advise is plain dangerous. Listen to the professionals.

* she’s now a healthy kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats.

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year.

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk.

OP here. His latch is not good enough to fully empty me so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle.

OMG. Just stop. You need to put the breastfeeding books down. Your breasts don't have to be empty. It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4. It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it. Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it. Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like. Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing.

This is normal and why it can take babies weeks to get back to their birth weight. You also seem to be worried a 4.5 wk old is going to have nipple confusion. You shouldn't worry about that either. So feed, top off and pump. That is again, completely normal in the early weeks. It works or it doesn't. The best thing my pediatrician ever said to me was: "formula isn't rat poison." I have 4 kids all of whom had bottles in the NICU due to health issue. They all went back to the breast for various times. It was easy for me and my babies but for one it never clicked and that was fine too.

I’m sorry but when did you get your medical degree? You seem to know way more about these things than actual professionals.

OP is talking to real progressional, not arm chair quarterbacks who think they know everything.

Your experience worked for you but that’s hot for everyone. No, a baby not gaining any weight by two weeks is not NOT normal.

OP posted about her husband not be supportive. This has little to do with her actually breastfeeding and she doesn’t need some non-expert telling her stupid advice when she had actual professionals to turn to.

Your advice is simply dangerous. Stop.

Stop being overly dramatic. She is having problems with her husband because she is having problems breastfeeding. Her baby is fine. She is fine. You can relax now.