Reply to Husband Not Being Supportive About Breastfeeding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Personally, I would not triple feed for more than two weeks. If your supply hasn’t gone up enough to meet his needs after triple feeding for 2.5 weeks, it’s unlikely to, and triple feeding is unsustainable much longer than this, IMHO. So I agree with your husband.

That being said, I’m not you. So what I would recommend is to take a bit of a step back. First of all - on a scale of 1-10, how important is breastfeeding success to you? I would say I’m a six, so clearly you’re higher than that. 7? 8? 9? 10? What is your husband? Lower, one assumes, but ask him. I think it’s valuable to know how far apart you are. If he’s a 1 (couldn’t care less, would have been happy with formula from jump) and you’re a 10, that’s going to create more frustration than if he’s a 6 and you’re a 7. This also gives you both a bit of language to talk about various interventions (ex: “I hear that you’re suggesting daily appointments with the lactation consultant, but you’re an 8, and that sounds more like a 9 or a 10”).

Then, I think it’s valuable to discuss your limits. Let’s say you’re an 8. We’ll, then triple feeding indefinitely doesn’t make sense. So what’s your limit? Maybe another week and a half? That’s four weeks of triple feeding, that’s a LOT. I think if you can identify some stop points NOW, 1) you decrease the chance of going overboard, and looking back on this years later wishing you’d given up sooner (soooo common) and 2) I think that would be really helpful for your husband to hear, and might really decrease his frustration.

Once those boundaries are in place, I agree that for daily venting, your husband might not be the best choice, especially if it’s becoming repetitive. Do you have any mom friends or relatives? Or maybe joining a new moms group might help?

Good luck! And congrats. [/quote]

OP here. It’s high for me. It’s important for me to breastfeed because of the pandemic. I will be getting my booster soon and want to pass down any antibodies I can.

It’s not a supply issue. The triple feeding is because he wasn’t gaining enough at the breast and I pump to feed him after with a bottle. I could use formula but I make enough milk that I need to pump because he doesn’t empty me.

My husband was very on board at first. He wanted me to at least try it. When it wasn’t working, he brought formula with the hopes that I will supplement to make it easier on me.

I plan to make breastfeeding work and want to go to 1 year. [/quote]

I feel I were in this situation I'd stop bottle feeding. He has no reason to want to nurse and he won't fix his latch because he knows a bottle is coming soon.

If he's not draining you, don't pump. You don't want oversupply, which will cause him to only get foremilk. [/quote]

OP here. [b]His latch is not good enough to fully empty me[/b] so we need to bottle feed to keep his weight up. We do slowest flow nipple to make his work for it at the bottle. [/quote]

OMG.  Just stop.  You need to put the breastfeeding books down.  Your breasts don't have to be empty.  It actually sounds like your baby is doing just fine with feeding since you said he was back to birth weight by 3 wks and 1 lb over by 4.  It take a while for everyone to get the hang of it.  Sounds like he has so stop focusing on it.  Feed him when he wants to feed and for as long as he would like.  Yes, it may take 45 minutes for that which is completely normal.[/quote]

OP here. You don’t understand the situation. I’m not reading books. I’m going by what the pediatrician and the lactation consultants have told me.

He only gained weight because I started following up his feeds with pumped milk. [b]He didn’t gain weight the first two weeks when we were just nursing[/b].

[/quote]

This is normal and why it can take babies weeks to get back to their birth weight. You also seem to be worried a 4.5 wk old is going to have nipple confusion.  You shouldn't worry about that either.  So feed, top off and pump.  That is again, completely normal in the early weeks.  It works or it doesn't.  The best thing my pediatrician ever said to me was: "formula isn't rat poison."  I have 4 kids all of whom had bottles in the NICU due to health issue.  They all went back to the breast for various times.  It was easy for me and my babies but for one it never clicked and that was fine too.[/quote]

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