Husband Not Being Supportive About Breastfeeding

[Anonymous]

Aaaw OP ignore the mean comments. I was never able to breastfeed but I tried so hard for 6 weeks with my first… pumping… supplementing…. Nursing… it was an endless cycle. So I know how stressed u feel! (For me didn’t lead to anything… I was able to make at most 3 oz a day). I think what you are hearing from your husband is frustration at not being able to do anything to change the situation. It may also be concern for the baby’s health (is baby losing weight or is pediatrician pushing formula?). Either way cut yourself some slack OP! You are doing great and these first few months are stressful! As for your husband just try to see it from his perspective - someone looking in and frustrated about not being able to do anything to help :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being breastfed will save your kid from suffering GI problems and food allergies (especially dairy).

Absolute bull$&it! I was breastfed and
GI problemd and lactose intolerant. Where did you get this crap and wrong information!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being breastfed will save your kid from suffering GI problems and food allergies (especially dairy).

Absolute bull$&it! I was breastfed and
GI problemd and lactose intolerant. Where did you get this crap and wrong information!?

Yep, complete BS.

I have 3 sons. I BF the first one exclusively for 2 months; he had a terrible latch that couldn't be corrected. Diagnosed with Crohn's at 13.

Son #2 I BF for just a few weeks. He had horrible reflux and a milk protein sensitivity. He has no allergies and doesn't have Crohn's.

I BF son #3 for 15 months. He was diagnosed with a peanut allergy at 6 months and Crohn's at age 6.

We have no family history of Crohn's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being breastfed will save your kid from suffering GI problems and food allergies (especially dairy).

NP. I breastfed both of my daughters, and they both have severe peanut and tree nut allergies. I do believe there are many advantages to breastfeeding (and to formula feeding), but this simply isn't true. Do cite your peer-reviewed sources?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being breastfed will save your kid from suffering GI problems and food allergies (especially dairy).

You had to have known posting this was essentially throwing a grenade into this thread.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m going to take the advice from some on here and get in touch with a moms group or maybe a therapist to have someone to discuss this with.

My marriage is fine. My husband spends plenty of time with the baby. We talk every night and our relationship is good. We still talk and have a loving relationship. The only issue is he doesn’t want to hear about the breastfeeding issues because he feels like I’m making it hard on myself when there were solutions that could abscess made it easier. He still wants to hear about our day and checks in with me. He just doesn’t want to hear about breastfeeding. We still talk every night and our relationship hasn’t changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m going to take the advice from some on here and get in touch with a moms group or maybe a therapist to have someone to discuss this with.

My marriage is fine. My husband spends plenty of time with the baby. We talk every night and our relationship is good. We still talk and have a loving relationship. The only issue is he doesn’t want to hear about the breastfeeding issues because he feels like I’m making it hard on myself when there were solutions that could abscess made it easier. He still wants to hear about our day and checks in with me. He just doesn’t want to hear about breastfeeding. We still talk every night and our relationship hasn’t changed.

Hi OP, I'm so sorry this isn't a very supportive or constructive space. It sounds like you're on the right track to find the support you need; best to you and your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife: “BF is hard but I think it’s worth it so I want to continue.”

Husband: “OK, I support that decision. I bought some formula in case you need it.”

Wife: “BF is hard and here’s all the hard things about today.”

Husband: “Sorry to hear that. I bought some formula in case you need it.”

Wife: “BF is hard and here’s all the hard things about today.”

Husband: …

Like, at this point, WHAT DO YOU WANT from him, specifically? I notice you failed to answer that question.

Np Saying you bought formula is not supportive. How about just listening and giving her a back rub or getting her some water/food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife: “BF is hard but I think it’s worth it so I want to continue.”

Husband: “OK, I support that decision. I bought some formula in case you need it.”

Wife: “BF is hard and here’s all the hard things about today.”

Husband: “Sorry to hear that. I bought some formula in case you need it.”

Wife: “BF is hard and here’s all the hard things about today.”

Husband: …

Like, at this point, WHAT DO YOU WANT from him, specifically? I notice you failed to answer that question.

Np Saying you bought formula is not supportive. How about just listening and giving her a back rub or getting her some water/food?

+1 “here’s a glass of water and do you want to get a nap while I start dinner” is pretty supportive

[Anonymous]

You seem rigid OP. I hope you are doing what’s best for the baby. Having a well rested and healthy mom is important too. Supplementing might help.

[Anonymous]

I read this whole post, which I rarely do on DCUM.
I'm a mom of 3, with a 10-week old baby. She and the older two are all "successful" BFers.
I am glad to see OP move away from the BF/formula discussion as if they are rival camps, to reiterate that this is about support from her husband, and her own mental/emotional health.

I have, in many ways, a wonderful husband. But my DH responds in a similar way about certain things, and it comes across as really unempathetic. This is what I got from OP. She wants husband to empathize, to show he cares.
So many PPs basically said to stop talking about BF with husband. Find support groups. But to me it sounds like their relationship is actually quite healthy, and what would make a difference here is a way to communicate to husband that he could just respond with support and comfort whenever OP is struggling. I for example have explained to my husband that sometimes, all I need is an, "It's going to be OK," and a hug. I'm not looking for you to fix anything. I'm not complaining. I just want to express my feelings and know you're there for me.

OP, you sound very level headed, and you have handled the problematic PPs like a pro!

I believe you are doing everything right for your child, your plans and goals sound realistic and attainable to me, and I hope you find more support soon, whether it be from your husband or a support group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reframe your complaints. Make sure they’re about fussy baby and not breastfeeding.

My Dh LOVES breastfeeding. It means he never has to get up in the middle of the night to feed. He loves how easy it is to travel without bottles or formula. And he loves that she calms down easily by nursing. In reality he didn’t care whether I breastfed or not, but there were a lot of benefits in it for him. So start telling your Dh all about husbands who have to take every other shift at night instead of you just nursing quickly and then plopping baby in bassinet. (And I’m pro formula too, so don’t take this paragraph the wrong way)

OP here. My baby doesn’t nurse quick. Every feeding takes 45 minutes.

How old is your baby? I think you need to give yourself an end date for breastfeeding. Like if it’s not working by 6 weeks I will start formula and be happy about it. Don’t make yourself miserable. Triple feeding should go on for more than a week in my opinion. It’s hard and can easily make you not like the baby and hate breastfeeding.

Be kind to yourself. It’s okay if breastfeeding isn’t for you. You have a baby! And breastfeeding is such a tiny part of an amazing baby experience. Don’t let it ruin these first few weeks.

OP here. He’s 4.5 weeks old. I’m determined to breastfeed and want to go for at least a year.

How much longer will you complain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have responded with the “ I plan to breastfeed for a year” because that was not the question of my thread. I posted about my husband not being supportive. I didn’t post here specifically at first because I didn’t want the “ just formula feed” or comments about why I chose to breastfeed or that I shouldn’t listen to the medical professionals.

I’m not anti-formula. I have a good supply and don’t need it, but I’m willing to add in formula if I need it in the future.

It’s been hard. I didn’t expect to have these issues. I trust the medical professionals and will not stop giving a bottle because my baby not gaining weight was not normal. Some advice saying to stop bottle feeding and that my baby not gaining weight is fine is just plain dangerous advice. I went on another site and that was the exact responses I got that thought it was normal until I realized it wasn’t. It may have worked out for you in the end, but advising moms to do that is dangerous and not safe.

I plan to breastfeed for a year. I will probably try nursing for another month and switch to pumping if it doesn’t get better. Pumping is fine but I would rather nurse. He is getting better at nursing but sometimes it’s harder to keep him eating. He does take more in though then he did when he did in the first two weeks. I’m hopeful he will become stronger and be able to nurse without needing a bottle. We feed him all he wants to eat and never limit his intake. We do feed with a slow flow nipple but he still eats all that he wants.

My husband was very supportive at first. Now he isn’t. He agrees that nursing is important, but thinks I should follow up nursing with formula to make things easier. What he doesn’t understand is I’m usually still full on one side or sometimes both and need to pump to feel some relief after nursing. The lactation consultant said my supply will decrease if he only eats 1oz at a time and my body thinks that’s all I need to make every 2-3 hours. I make double that and don’t want to lose my supply since I want to breastfeed.

When I tell my husband how the day was or if we had a hard day he tells me “ I don’t want to hear it.” When I try to explain how he isn’t supportive he tells me he has offered solutions and if I don’t take them, he doesn’t care to talk about anything breastfeeding. I can’t even mention breastfeeding without him getting annoyed. If I tell him about a day that went well, he just is like “ that’s good” and that’s that. I just wish I had a partner who was more supportive and wanted to hear about my day and how things went.

He gets plenty of time with the baby and he does bottle feed when he’s home after I nurse. He spends most of the evening with the baby and then a lot of the time on the weekend.

Don’t listen to the people on here who say it’s dumb to want to breastfeed. Many women have challenges the first couple months of breastfeeding. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it. I decided to stick with breastfeeding because it was important to me. I had many challenges just like you. My issue was that I’m busty with very small nipples that made it hard for my kids to latch. I did a mix of pumping and nursing with a nipple shield for the first two months with both kids. Both ended up nursing on their own as they got older and stronger. I breastfed both of my kids for a year. I don’t regret it.

My husband was super supportive. I think you need to find people going through the same thing to talk to. You need support. It’s okay to switch to formula or supplement if it becomes too much, but it’s not stupid or unrealistic if you choose to stick it out and breastfeed.

Also, the nonsense by one poster of your husband not spending time with the baby is dumb. Many moms breastfeed newborns and their husband still spend time with the baby. Men can bond with their babies without needing to bottle feed. My husband spent a lot of time with our kids as babies and he never cared about whether he got to feed them. Do what works for your family.

The difference between you and OP is that OP is spending ALL HER TIME breastfeeding. So yeah, her DH is probably pissed that he doesn't get to spend time with her or the baby. Your experience is different, you don't know jack shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being breastfed will save your kid from suffering GI problems and food allergies (especially dairy).

Funny I had to STOP breastfeeding because my child was sensitive to the dairy in my diet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have responded with the “ I plan to breastfeed for a year” because that was not the question of my thread. I posted about my husband not being supportive. I didn’t post here specifically at first because I didn’t want the “ just formula feed” or comments about why I chose to breastfeed or that I shouldn’t listen to the medical professionals.

I’m not anti-formula. I have a good supply and don’t need it, but I’m willing to add in formula if I need it in the future.

It’s been hard. I didn’t expect to have these issues. I trust the medical professionals and will not stop giving a bottle because my baby not gaining weight was not normal. Some advice saying to stop bottle feeding and that my baby not gaining weight is fine is just plain dangerous advice. I went on another site and that was the exact responses I got that thought it was normal until I realized it wasn’t. It may have worked out for you in the end, but advising moms to do that is dangerous and not safe.

I plan to breastfeed for a year. I will probably try nursing for another month and switch to pumping if it doesn’t get better. Pumping is fine but I would rather nurse. He is getting better at nursing but sometimes it’s harder to keep him eating. He does take more in though then he did when he did in the first two weeks. I’m hopeful he will become stronger and be able to nurse without needing a bottle. We feed him all he wants to eat and never limit his intake. We do feed with a slow flow nipple but he still eats all that he wants.

My husband was very supportive at first. Now he isn’t. He agrees that nursing is important, but thinks I should follow up nursing with formula to make things easier. What he doesn’t understand is I’m usually still full on one side or sometimes both and need to pump to feel some relief after nursing. The lactation consultant said my supply will decrease if he only eats 1oz at a time and my body thinks that’s all I need to make every 2-3 hours. I make double that and don’t want to lose my supply since I want to breastfeed.

When I tell my husband how the day was or if we had a hard day he tells me “ I don’t want to hear it.” When I try to explain how he isn’t supportive he tells me he has offered solutions and if I don’t take them, he doesn’t care to talk about anything breastfeeding. I can’t even mention breastfeeding without him getting annoyed. If I tell him about a day that went well, he just is like “ that’s good” and that’s that. I just wish I had a partner who was more supportive and wanted to hear about my day and how things went.

He gets plenty of time with the baby and he does bottle feed when he’s home after I nurse. He spends most of the evening with the baby and then a lot of the time on the weekend.

Look, OP, I'm super annoyed with your responses here, so no wonder your husband doesn't want to hear it anymore. Stop talking about it and stop complaining. Your husband is right - he's offered you solutions and you haven't taken them, so either stop talking about it, or do something about it.

#teamhusband

I’m sorry for whatever is happening to you that makes you speak to someone with a four week old baby this way.

You are super lame.